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Topics - Danish

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So i recently wrote a post but I decided to create a new one because I did not have the time or ability to sit down and express myself.

Is it really only me who's selfesteem is being dragged down being with someone who is a addicted person? Also please men or women who are going trough the addiction yourself dont look away!
My partner (male) and I have had a rocky road with mistrust and arguments, alot of arguments. And I am starting to feel hopeless, downgraded, not wanted.

We started off with the reboot program as a couple with many 'relapses'. It was easy to stay supportive in the beginning and we had a real good open conversation when for a example a craving took hand. I was able to stay in control and help him trough it while I was at work. But then something changed, one relapse after another when I went to work and all of the sudden I ended up at a place where I felt like I had no control. I for a example, cant go to work with a good mindset because in my head it is always 'what if he searches for something now?' or 'what if he aint honest? He had lied before?'. It has been giving me so much anxiety lately and now when a relapse happeneds I can't be supportive anymore. I feel cheated on, mistreated even though I am aware of it got nothing to do with me I still can't help but to wonder.

Here are some things that has been destroying me completely lately:

1. He has been fantasising about classmates to keep hard during sex.
2. He has found easier triggers, he does not need porn to jerk off anymore because now just a simple girl in a bikini on instagram is material enough. Why not me? He has so much material to use of me?
3. All comments about me looking better somehow else like when I got my eyelashes done, or have worked out and results are being noticeable are hurtful.
4. I think of myself of a place to get loose of cravings. Sex for me has turned into, even though our sexlife is perfect because he can stay indurate throughout the entire sex, but i still feel like a place to ejactulate.

Why?

1. Am i not good enough?
2. Am i not good enough?
3. Am i not good enough?
4. Am i not good enough?

This process is literally destroying me, and when I try to bring it up i feel like it is not going anywhere. I just now made it a topic to not have sex because when I am turning him down he becomes so, distant and moody. And I also suggested to (as a tip from yourbrainonporn.com) to make his phone and computer browser safe. But the answer there was. "I have not even watched porn lately but I am not against it". That answer just made me think, does it matter if you have used porn or not? It is about avoiding triggers isn't it?

Maybe I am starting to go crazy, or maybe I take it all way to personal but how do you go trough this with a partner without taking it personal? I mean, sex, love, attraction is such a personal think itself and that is probably why it hurts the most.

What can I do better for my man?


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