Hi all
I've been here before. For those of you who are new: I'm 40, British, married with two children. I have had a long-term issue with using chat rooms, and a lesser (but connected) issue with pornography. I have been three months, six months, eight months clean, but fell off the wagon in March last year. (Looking back, the triggers were my dad getting remarried, plus work difficulties, but still).
To complicate matters: in 2013 I embarked on an affair with a woman who (whilst still overage) was a lot younger than me. It was mainly conducted online but we met up three times and slept together on one occasion. I lied to her about my marital status and I traumatised her severely when the truth came out. Every so often, she pops up and tells me what an awful person I am. My wife is aware of the full, ugly truth of it all.
I'm not the same person I was in 2013, and I've never repeated the same mistake, but I'm not the person I want to be. I have let my faith in God slide and have indulged myself too many times.
My aim is to stay clean, one day at a time, but crucially:
- to root out the insecurity and neediness that leads me to chat rooms;
- to grow as a child of God, as a husband and as a father.
I feel like I made excellent progress in 2017-19 and I want to build on that. To accept my failures and weaknesses but not let them rule me.
Today is day four. The first three days have been incredibly rocky and there have been times where I have wondered whether I have the strength to continue. I have been crying loads. Today has been a little easier though.
I'd really appreciate your prayers, guidance, support and encouragement as I go at this again, afresh.
I've been here before. For those of you who are new: I'm 40, British, married with two children. I have had a long-term issue with using chat rooms, and a lesser (but connected) issue with pornography. I have been three months, six months, eight months clean, but fell off the wagon in March last year. (Looking back, the triggers were my dad getting remarried, plus work difficulties, but still).
To complicate matters: in 2013 I embarked on an affair with a woman who (whilst still overage) was a lot younger than me. It was mainly conducted online but we met up three times and slept together on one occasion. I lied to her about my marital status and I traumatised her severely when the truth came out. Every so often, she pops up and tells me what an awful person I am. My wife is aware of the full, ugly truth of it all.
I'm not the same person I was in 2013, and I've never repeated the same mistake, but I'm not the person I want to be. I have let my faith in God slide and have indulged myself too many times.
My aim is to stay clean, one day at a time, but crucially:
- to root out the insecurity and neediness that leads me to chat rooms;
- to grow as a child of God, as a husband and as a father.
I feel like I made excellent progress in 2017-19 and I want to build on that. To accept my failures and weaknesses but not let them rule me.
Today is day four. The first three days have been incredibly rocky and there have been times where I have wondered whether I have the strength to continue. I have been crying loads. Today has been a little easier though.
I'd really appreciate your prayers, guidance, support and encouragement as I go at this again, afresh.