Trustandnewbeginnings
Member
Who would have thought, in the initial days of discovery, just how long you would feel so terribly isolated as the partner of a porn addict? I don't see an end in sight. It is a deep trauma to be betrayed by the sole person on earth that you trusted. I've been betrayed by my own mother and father, family friends, and friends I considered close over the years. All of these experiences have made me quite introverted and self reliant. Despite this, I held onto my ability to trust by pouring that trust into one person besides myself, my husband. I was rewarded by lies upon lies and gaslighting techniques that made me lose trust in even myself.
So where does that leave us?
I've been on this forum for just over half a year, but each time I start to open up a porn addict decides to come into the partner section and belittle and further traumatize those of us who are trying to recover and I retreat into myself once again. It's a horribly self loathing type of vulture that feels the need to beat up those that are already so damaged. It takes no skill or intellect to cause injury to those that are already so hurt, but they keep showing up and causing further devastation. It's been awhile since I last came across such a comment, but the damage has been done. It has left me feeling more isolated and untrusting, setting me back in my recovery. I'm sure this time will be no different. The sad thing it that you know that those individuals have either had severe trauma of their own or mental health issues making them act in this manner. Isn't it interesting how those two things can either bring out the best or worst in people? However, I don't need to study human nature at this time... I can't continue to subject myself to being a victim of someone else's emotional pain while I try to heal my own.
I don't know if I will continue posting after this, or perhaps it will simply be a hiatus until I am further down my path of healing. I'm sure that there are other partners that will read this that are in a similar situation, refusing to post while dealing with their demons alone. To them I say: you are not alone.
So where does that leave us?
I've been on this forum for just over half a year, but each time I start to open up a porn addict decides to come into the partner section and belittle and further traumatize those of us who are trying to recover and I retreat into myself once again. It's a horribly self loathing type of vulture that feels the need to beat up those that are already so damaged. It takes no skill or intellect to cause injury to those that are already so hurt, but they keep showing up and causing further devastation. It's been awhile since I last came across such a comment, but the damage has been done. It has left me feeling more isolated and untrusting, setting me back in my recovery. I'm sure this time will be no different. The sad thing it that you know that those individuals have either had severe trauma of their own or mental health issues making them act in this manner. Isn't it interesting how those two things can either bring out the best or worst in people? However, I don't need to study human nature at this time... I can't continue to subject myself to being a victim of someone else's emotional pain while I try to heal my own.
I don't know if I will continue posting after this, or perhaps it will simply be a hiatus until I am further down my path of healing. I'm sure that there are other partners that will read this that are in a similar situation, refusing to post while dealing with their demons alone. To them I say: you are not alone.