"I have measured my life with coffee spoons..."

Just some thoughts on rebooting: isn't it a little excessive the way members measure their reboot down to the seconds their latest lapse lasted and the kind of lapse that it was?

It seems silly and damaging to the overall reboot. Like, someone frantically trying to tie their laces in the most perfect knot when there's a whole marathon to run. It seems almost discouraging. Like a scarlett letter hanging around your neck flaunting your failures.

Personally, it's why I've stayed away from boards like these for almost a year. Of course, that's just my personal preference. I don't mean to come down to hard on anyone, but I am wondering if there is any particular benefit in this.

I especially love Jerry Seinfeld's approach and think it would be much better: http://lifehacker.com/281626/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-secret

Here is what another expert had to say about it that I wish more people would take into consideration:

"I love Jerry?s ?Don?t Break the Chain? calendar. It?s not just about doing something each and every day.

It?s about the cumulative effects of all of your habits.

For example, maybe you had an extra busy week at work, and you didn?t get to the gym for 5 days in a row.

You?ll look at that week on your calendar and see that you have no red Xs on it. However, when you expand your view, your calendar looks like a blood bath.

That?s what really counts."

Love it.
 
N

Numez

Guest
i love this community, i love to answer some questions. every time i hit 30+ days streak i visit this forum every day throughout that journey. later after 2 months i usually start to focus more on other things naturally, but in the beginning its really helpful for me to try to answer some questions. its easier when i see how many people are struggling, im not special, im not alone, a lot of people done it, a lot of people are struggling, i can relate and get encouragement in every way. repetition cements this in my brain so i can move forward. i also learn a new thing or to so it definitely helps.

some people block porn sites, some block internet completely, some go off this forum and distract themselves, some focus on their addiction instead like myself. everything is fine as long as you dont PMO.
 
I suppose my point is that it's a lot like looking at the clock while you're at work: your brain precieves it as time moving slower. Meanwhile, when you ignore it or simply have fun, time starts to move a lot faster.

IDK, just my two cents. I can see you have it down to the last second and I guess that must help you, but I just mean as a rule of thumb, shouldn't it be just like the work clock?
 

Firstbigstep

Active Member
I agree. I have to stop and work out how many days it is. I know the date I stopped and that's all I've needed so far.

I guess we're all motivated by different things and work in different ways. I come here to try to help others and keep in touch with a couple of people but I find getting on with my life without porn is the best strategy for me.

Look at the size of your windscreen (windshield!) vs the size of your rear view mirror....

Happy New Year, everyone!!!
 
N

Numez

Guest
TelekineticOwl said:
I suppose my point is that it's a lot like looking at the clock while you're at work: your brain precieves it as time moving slower. Meanwhile, when you ignore it or simply have fun, time starts to move a lot faster.

IDK, just my two cents. I can see you have it down to the last second and I guess that must help you, but I just mean as a rule of thumb, shouldn't it be just like the work clock?
i like to stay on top of my addiction and in the past every time i tried to ignore it and move on with my life like everything is okay, i totally lost control and relapsed down the road (wondering why and how). it is just my experience, that when i focus on the fact that i am a porn addict and not try to just ignore it, i reach further and im more prepared to deal with everything it brings. porn addiction is in my brain whether i focus on it or not, it is working its way to relapse slowly and subtly every day. no amount of ignoring it can make it any better or easier. when i focus on it, i can spot some subtle patterns better and prevent myself going back to square 1.

for example, when i ignore the fact that i am porn addict, i can go on facebook and end up relapsing or look and think in certain way about girls when im outside and relapse in the evening when im home. this porn addiction is deeply rooted in my brain and it can affect me everywhere i am and everything i do. there are a lot of little things that when added up lead to relapse. when im not focused, i miss some of them and end up wondering when will i reboot for gods sake, how many more relapses i need and so on. now i can go to facebook, i can go outside and look at girls but avoid subtle porn addict patterns that can lead me to relapse, because i focus. last time argument with my best friend led me to relapse. now every time i feel bad i remember that i am a porn addict and watch out for little things that lead to relapse and prevent them in their first steps when it is easier. i did not had very strong craving yet like every time i had when i relapse. part of the focusing on your addicted brain is also looking at how many days you are clean, but my 1000 days goal is too big for me to even set it up if i felt like rushing it and your not looking at clock thinking seems like you are trying to rush recovery.

bottom line, i think this is serious addiction and not some bad habit. bad habits you can ignore and get better but addictions require focus and dedication, in my experience. your experience is different and it is fine. a lot of people can find themselves in both stories.
 
Firstbigstep said:
I agree. I have to stop and work out how many days it is. I know the date I stopped and that's all I've needed so far.

I guess we're all motivated by different things and work in different ways. I come here to try to help others and keep in touch with a couple of people but I find getting on with my life without porn is the best strategy for me.

Look at the size of your windscreen (windshield!) vs the size of your rear view mirror....

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

I agree whole heartedly! Happy new year to you, too, bro!

Nikola Numez said:
TelekineticOwl said:
I suppose my point is that it's a lot like looking at the clock while you're at work: your brain precieves it as time moving slower. Meanwhile, when you ignore it or simply have fun, time starts to move a lot faster.

IDK, just my two cents. I can see you have it down to the last second and I guess that must help you, but I just mean as a rule of thumb, shouldn't it be just like the work clock?
i like to stay on top of my addiction and in the past every time i tried to ignore it and move on with my life like everything is okay, i totally lost control and relapsed down the road (wondering why and how). it is just my experience, that when i focus on the fact that i am a porn addict and not try to just ignore it, i reach further and im more prepared to deal with everything it brings. porn addiction is in my brain whether i focus on it or not, it is working its way to relapse slowly and subtly every day. no amount of ignoring it can make it any better or easier. when i focus on it, i can spot some subtle patterns better and prevent myself going back to square 1.

for example, when i ignore the fact that i am porn addict, i can go on facebook and end up relapsing or look and think in certain way about girls when im outside and relapse in the evening when im home. this porn addiction is deeply rooted in my brain and it can affect me everywhere i am and everything i do. there are a lot of little things that when added up lead to relapse. when im not focused, i miss some of them and end up wondering when will i reboot for gods sake, how many more relapses i need and so on. now i can go to facebook, i can go outside and look at girls but avoid subtle porn addict patterns that can lead me to relapse, because i focus. last time argument with my best friend led me to relapse. now every time i feel bad i remember that i am a porn addict and watch out for little things that lead to relapse and prevent them in their first steps when it is easier. i did not had very strong craving yet like every time i had when i relapse. part of the focusing on your addicted brain is also looking at how many days you are clean, but my 1000 days goal is too big for me to even set it up if i felt like rushing it and your not looking at clock thinking seems like you are trying to rush recovery.

bottom line, i think this is serious addiction and not some bad habit. bad habits you can ignore and get better but addictions require focus and dedication, in my experience. your experience is different and it is fine. a lot of people can find themselves in both stories.

That makes sense, but I'm not suggesting to ignore the fact it's an addiction all together. When I quit smoking, the resources I used made it very clear to not go out of my way to avoid parties or other social gatherings just because there's going to be other smokers. In other words: go live your life.

I get that it's a little trickier with pornography and trust me, I've definately had to limit my access to facebook. I just don't know if it's healthy to obsess about the details about your latest lapses or relapses some guys seem to do.

Like I said, if it helps you, that's awesome and I can definately see you your strategy. I'm just not sure if that's a good thing as a rule of thumb with all these counters.
 
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