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Messages - andyjee86

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Must admit... I worked my way into a complete frenzy in the beginning due to certain sites telling me it was all PA. I didn't understand why one day I'd have great sex, then the day after I was back at square one. Once I gave up "trying" to beat my apparent PA, and accepted this was PIED and it would take as long as it takes, things got easier. I no longer subjected myself to pointless hypnotherapy and self help books on confidence. I had even paid for lessons on how to be more confident in bed because I was led to believe I had PA only. Ride the wave, it gets better.  Oh and confidence does improve, coinciding with PIED improving. In a question of which comes first, it's definitively PIED first, PA second. Focus on the PIED, and by focus, I mean forget about sex, focus on other aspects of your life... Health, family, career etc . When it's time your body will let you know. And even when it does let you know, it might go quiet for a while until it lets you know again.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot Journal - 31yo married w/son
« on: April 25, 2017, 01:04:20 PM »
Made love twice? Nice work. I take it you'd say you've been cured then?

I must admit i get really anxious when i see sex scenes with my gf... She's really not bothered. I'm not bothered that i think I'm going to relapse or anything, but i just question why I'm not doing things the way they are. That's what makes me anxious, so i try avoid it.. but it's difficult.

Sweet stuff mate. You'll be back on track in no time with all your sexual experience under your belt.

Sounds like it's worth a shot... Especially as she's aware of your problem you've nothing to lose really. If you've abstained for long enough i think you'll be ok for one go, but depending on how severe your PIED was/is i wouldn't expect a quick refractory period. Good luck. You never know, maybe you're cured already.

Always good to hear from a female perspective Aquarius. I think this confidence will improve over time for most. I "think" mine is. Sex is best for me when I'm not even thinking about sexual organs and me and my partner are just getting off on each others presence. If my libido is low and I'm trying to get off on her body, despite how gorgeous she is, this is when sex is bad.

Ages 20-29 / Re: No more PMO, anxiety, and depression.
« on: April 10, 2017, 02:25:09 AM »
Whenever i have to start fantasizing to get finished, or even maintain my erection... It's game over. My gf sees the difference in my face and behaviour... She says it's like I'm not connected with her and I'm just focusing on her body rather than her. Porn taught us that sex is all visual and for the guy and sometimes throughout recovery we dip back onto this way of thinking accidentally... Sex for most people (definitely me) doesn't work like that. If you feel you're starting to lose focus on the 2 of you being as one and in a shared moment, just stop. For me, this type of thinking is usually the beginning of a flat line, and an orgasm at this point makes me feel like shit and libidoless for a good 5 days. Just my experience. Sounds like your acknowledgement of this is a really positive step though!!

Umm. Yes, after 5/6 days without sex i really start thinking about it to be honest. Sometimes I'm really frustrated about it, other times i think about it, other times i don't. Don't think it's too much of an issue as long as you can perform when it's required. Another guy once said libido is the gentle hum that gels men and women and doesn't necessarily mean your walking round with a stonker. I think as we grow older you learn to deal with your desires a bit more subconsciously. Who knows, I've not had a sex drive for 15 years so only just discovered mine. But yes I'd agree I'm not thinking about sex/women as much as i was when i first became sexually active. If it's a serious concern go see a doc and get tests.

I find this more encouraging than a lot of the stories in the success section funnily enough. So, cheers. About the libido though, umm you may to elaborate. You mean, you're not feeling energy in general? You must have attraction to women hence your sex, so what are the other symptoms which make you question libido?

Sounds like a minor flatline​. They come and go. It's awful and really tests your confidence as it's sometimes difficult to tell whether you'll keep it up or not. Only way to know is keep ploughing through and trying sex. Or you could try hardmode for as long as possible/limit sex so you know your dick will work because you'll have not orgasmed for so long. If you're wanting to get stuck into frequent sex you'll have to prepare for the occasionally flop. It's tough but arguably necessary.

But in answer to question, I don't think there's anything to worry about long term.

Yes definitely loads better pre reboot. I can completely agree with that, there's no going back now at all. My mood in general is better, I'm happier and less socially anxious. Bucket loads more confident (though occasionally my Anxiety still comes back).

I think your desensitisation still could be brain related. Your penis is probably as sensitive as it's always been but if the signals aren't working right between your nob and brain it's going to feel desensitised. Great news that it has been feeling sensitive at some points though.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Cheers Jayjay. That's reassuring. But not great for anyone. What makes you question your libido if you have had successful sex everytime after your 90 days? I take it you mean your erections aren't always solid? And how often are you having sex, every other day? Every day?

I think it's so hard to gauge as if I wasn't having sex as much as i am i probably wouldn't have noticed the periods where my libido is low/can't keep an erection. If i was having sex once a month, or fortnight, I'm pretty sure I'd be solid every time. But who knows, maybe it's luck of the draw at which point on my libido wave I end up. Purely speculative all this of course.

Just adding a bit of my experience and thoughts here...

Being someone who's rebooted for over a year with a partner, I can first of all say that my sex life is getting better and better and that I'm confident the reboot works.

Flatlines however (or in my case, multiple flatlines i.e. I've had about 13 now), I still can't get my head around. I understand the concept, just not the frequency and randomness of them.

I used to think that if i had too many orgasms too quick with my GF that it would send me into a flatline. So I eventually tried to 'limit' the orgasms to say, 2 a week. This seemed like it would work, until I'd randomly go into a flat line anyway!!

So now, when I'm not in the flatlines I'm just trying to have sex whenever I feel like having sex. I've had it the last 3 consecutive nights and I'm still feeling fine, but I know it's a matter of days/weeks before I'm hit with no libido again. Which leads me to believe that my flatlines come in waves, rather than after "x" amount of orgasms. I feel like whether I have sex or not, the flatline will still come at the same point.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Also, in my case. After a week long flatline (I guess I should be grateful as they used to be much longer), my libido comes back at a ridiculous force and I feel like the horny teenager I never allowed myself to be. This will last for an orgasm (or 2) and then I'll fall back into what feels like a secondary flatline, which lasts for around 3-5 days... (I mean, we're trying to have sex and I can't keep it up/stay aroused). After this secondary flatline my libido feels like it settles at a normal and whilst I'm not bursting out my pants I can have sex when I want to. It's like a double dip flatline to me.

After this BS I go along for a couple of week, maybe even 3 or 4 with a steady libido and sex drive, until the inevitable happens again.

This process I really hope will eventually come to an end.

Does anyone else who's rebooting with a partner have similar experiences?

I really would love for a study to be done on this kinda thing, as whilst we know and understand the reasons for PIED due to the research and articles on the subject, I feel it's the unknown of when we really will be "back to normal" which causes more stress and worry than the initial "can't get a boner AT ALL" phase.

When I'm having a healthy erection with my GF... It just feels really sensitive and anything (touch, smells, sounds, thoughts) get it going. You'll know when you have one because you won't be thinking about how hard it is because you'll be so overwhelmed with desire and arousal. You'll just want to stick it in something wet and warm. I know my erections aren't great when I'm thinking about how hard they are, whether it will stay hard long enough, and whether if it goes down (we stop foreplay) will it come back again? Yes I'm anxious, but it's because I'm not aroused/horny enough to not think about the "what ifs?". Your erection is healthy when you really don't give a shit if it's heathy because you just wanna fulfill your bodies healthy, natural desires. It has taken me all my life to even feel what I'm talking about right now, but I do occasionally feel it, have amazing sex... But then go into a flat line again. Then process repeats. It's shit... But I've felt what can be achieved so I'm holding on to that with my life.

Hey Pearland how's it going? I recall you saying you had worries about low T levels a few month back and you felt zero libido. How are things now? I sense improvements? Are you having sex and how much?

You're 19. This is shit. But you've got your whole life ahead of you. Quit the PMO, relax and try embrace your new found freedom whilst your brain reboots. Good luck. Let us know what your urologist says.

Similar to me Max. Good luck. I'm sure we'll both get there. It's gonna take a long time to undo this shit completely though. Keep us informed.

I understand your reason for questioning, I doubt my recovery sometimes (like now... my GF was naked on the bed, looking awesome and i got a 40% best... it was pathetic). But, i think back to recent times when i have been so horny and hard which gives me reassurance. Horniness i didn't even think i had in me. The reboot is definitely working for me but i can see it taking me at least 3 years to fully get there. There's definitely successful rebooters out there if you check out ypop. This is a long term solution remember. Do some searches and dig out posts from years and years ago by people having total meltdowns... then notice they haven't posted in years! Probably, they recovered and then they wanted to forget it all.

Nice work with the hot secretary!!!  You're doing the right thing. Give it time, you've got a lot of sex under your belt so you'll be in a much better position than me in terms of getting back on track. Look forward to your arousal response getting back to normal, fill your time with other cool hobbies and forget about your dick. Fingers crossed for a quick recovery and congrats on your new life choice and amazing sex life to come.

I think as long as you've still given up porn you'll still be making improvements. I hate how non linear the recovery is, but depending on how bad your PIED was, your journey could legitimately be taking as long as it is. Try hard mode again maybe, if you feel it helps? Try rebooting with a partner? MW ain't the be all and end all of recovery success. Having sex is.

Thanks for your honesty. Sounds like you have a lot of fun lined up for the future!!

I'm 36, and I wasted the better part of my life on this fucking bullshit. Peace.
Sickening isn't it? I'm 31, and really feel i got the short straw in terms of the awareness becomming known on this. Feel like a laboratory test rat robbed of the last 15 years! But anyway, what's done is done, my sex life has only just begun and it feels amazing. Death trap, do you ever think about your options when it comes to making up for lost time? What i mean is, do you resent the experiences you missed out on or are you content just accepting you missed out on amazing sex whilst everyone else was shagging through their youth/twenties?

Success Stories / Re: 31 yo putting PIED behind me
« on: March 21, 2017, 06:50:15 AM »
Thank you for sharing this. I know it was a while a go. It's interesting how peoples perception of success with PIED varies. I recognised a lot of my early recovery journey in your post. I too definitely don't M anymore and just reserve my sexual energy for sex. If i want to be "satisfied" these days I'll go about it the old fashioned way and only do it through real human interaction. It actually makes the days leading up to sex so much more thrilling.

bro all these things will happen sometimes you will have night falls as well, sometimes you will get the random erection but it will go in like 5 seconds. don't get distracted by all these false hopes of erection that you are all good all you have to do is say no to porn and-and don't masturbate even if you are with your GF, do things but don't go to orgasm and if you can't control just do it, coz your GF is real all those girls fucking in your PC are not. just stay strong when you get the craving for sex or porn think about the times when you get flatline the hopelessness it gives you, but trust me, my brother, there is hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do is stay strong don't give up and one-day things will get awesome for you. PS anytime you feel like watching porn remind you the suffering of flatline and depression it gives

Man, you gave all this great advice then i saw your counter on 4 days!! What happend (other than the obvious)? Is this a glitch or a systematical error?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot Journal - 31yo married w/son
« on: March 15, 2017, 06:56:30 AM »
Great words to encourage those that are starting out or struggling. I think it must be way more challenging to sort this mess out when you're in a long term relationship. My relationship ended which was what gave me the kick to give it up and start living a pmo free life. You're an inspiration to this guys who are married with kids and your proof that this can be turned around.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot Journal - 31yo married w/son
« on: March 13, 2017, 10:14:34 PM »
After he went to bed we finished the book we were reading and made great love. Then passed the fuck out. Lol.

YES mate!!! Great work.

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