349.alex.349
New Member
Reboot Nation Post
I started watching porn at the age of 12. After many attempts by my parents to stop me using the home computer, even at the age of 14-15 I was stealing my dad?s phone, using a MicroSD card and saving porn onto it.
The attraction of the mass of media available to me, coupled with my addictive tendencies is a disastrous one.
Porn has led me down very dark paths. Once I turned 16 decided for myself that I should lose my virginity. I took to chat rooms/online dating apps and talked mostly about sex, and soon found someone to try out the things I had seen in porn.
I realise now that even that is very worrying, at that age, meeting up with someone double my age?
I carried on meeting up with people, and soon met someone I liked, but the feelings were not mutual. I had come to feel that these people I talked to in the chat rooms were my friends, as I was a pretty isolated kid with not many social graces. I suppose you could say I had my heart broken, but didn?t really know it at the time.
I decided that it was such a crappy feeling, that I would stop feeling it. I turned to books, engrossed myself in my studies, and during the night time hours became more and more obsessed with exploring sexual deviance.
I would sit up until 4am watching porn, chatting to people, and this went on from about 16-19. Night after night, and exceedingly during the daytime, whenever I had a free moment, even during class, I would sit and chat to people online about sexual things. It was a completely covert life, separate from my loving family, and the classmates who eventually came to ignore me because I ignored them.
When people came along who actually seemed interested in the person I was, the fun, socially awkward, technically minded book worm, I would accept affection, and expect a real lot, and not really give anything in return. I would enjoy the attention, but then turn away from, and feel inconvenienced by any gestures that asked for the same in return.
I was in a relationship and won?t bore anyone with the details, but sex was always about me, and what I wanted, not how I made the other person feel. This I?m sure is very familiar to most on here. I had porn induced ED for quite some months towards the end. Eventually we drifted apart, and I was able to continue my nighttime chats without interruption.
This wasn?t meant to be an essay, but its pretty therapeutic to write this.
I attended college, got good grades, applied for uni and got accepted for a computing course starting this September (2015).
My porn addiction, and the sexually deviant conversations (with sexual deviants, and I am sad to say I became one of them) all came to a turning point this Christmas just gone. I was forced to realise my situation, and face reality; I have to make a change. It?s ruining my life.
Despite having potentially disastrous consequences however, (due to how easy it is to be led back down the path to destruction), I continue to feel the need to have sexual conversations with people I don?t know. I find it highly arousing, but not in the slightest am I satisfied, or sated, but I simply feel crappy about myself once I have finished.
I met someone I really like, someone sweet, and considerate, and who is aware (not fully) of what I am going through. I'll go over and watch Netflix, (OitnB ftw), stay the night, sometimes have sex but not always, go out for meals etc. and its amazing. We have a great friendship, and feel a lot of compassion, and we will both miss each other a lot when I go to uni in September.
But if I?ve been over and we have sex, it raises my libido and this then gives me the urge to turn to online porn (or the sexual chats that have replaced porn since Christmas).
Its frustrating how something so positive is having a negative affect on my life. I am finally with someone who I am really turned on by, the porn induced ED has gone, whether because of this person, or due to other factors I?m not sure.
But I would really like to not go cold turkey (no wanking, no sex at all etc.), especially when I have uni to look forward to, aren?t we all supposed to sleep around in the first year with a healthy measure of contraception?
So I?m on here with my very long post hoping for some ideas, some inspiration and to discuss with other people who are hoping to improve their lives.
Thanks for reading.
I started watching porn at the age of 12. After many attempts by my parents to stop me using the home computer, even at the age of 14-15 I was stealing my dad?s phone, using a MicroSD card and saving porn onto it.
The attraction of the mass of media available to me, coupled with my addictive tendencies is a disastrous one.
Porn has led me down very dark paths. Once I turned 16 decided for myself that I should lose my virginity. I took to chat rooms/online dating apps and talked mostly about sex, and soon found someone to try out the things I had seen in porn.
I realise now that even that is very worrying, at that age, meeting up with someone double my age?
I carried on meeting up with people, and soon met someone I liked, but the feelings were not mutual. I had come to feel that these people I talked to in the chat rooms were my friends, as I was a pretty isolated kid with not many social graces. I suppose you could say I had my heart broken, but didn?t really know it at the time.
I decided that it was such a crappy feeling, that I would stop feeling it. I turned to books, engrossed myself in my studies, and during the night time hours became more and more obsessed with exploring sexual deviance.
I would sit up until 4am watching porn, chatting to people, and this went on from about 16-19. Night after night, and exceedingly during the daytime, whenever I had a free moment, even during class, I would sit and chat to people online about sexual things. It was a completely covert life, separate from my loving family, and the classmates who eventually came to ignore me because I ignored them.
When people came along who actually seemed interested in the person I was, the fun, socially awkward, technically minded book worm, I would accept affection, and expect a real lot, and not really give anything in return. I would enjoy the attention, but then turn away from, and feel inconvenienced by any gestures that asked for the same in return.
I was in a relationship and won?t bore anyone with the details, but sex was always about me, and what I wanted, not how I made the other person feel. This I?m sure is very familiar to most on here. I had porn induced ED for quite some months towards the end. Eventually we drifted apart, and I was able to continue my nighttime chats without interruption.
This wasn?t meant to be an essay, but its pretty therapeutic to write this.
I attended college, got good grades, applied for uni and got accepted for a computing course starting this September (2015).
My porn addiction, and the sexually deviant conversations (with sexual deviants, and I am sad to say I became one of them) all came to a turning point this Christmas just gone. I was forced to realise my situation, and face reality; I have to make a change. It?s ruining my life.
Despite having potentially disastrous consequences however, (due to how easy it is to be led back down the path to destruction), I continue to feel the need to have sexual conversations with people I don?t know. I find it highly arousing, but not in the slightest am I satisfied, or sated, but I simply feel crappy about myself once I have finished.
I met someone I really like, someone sweet, and considerate, and who is aware (not fully) of what I am going through. I'll go over and watch Netflix, (OitnB ftw), stay the night, sometimes have sex but not always, go out for meals etc. and its amazing. We have a great friendship, and feel a lot of compassion, and we will both miss each other a lot when I go to uni in September.
But if I?ve been over and we have sex, it raises my libido and this then gives me the urge to turn to online porn (or the sexual chats that have replaced porn since Christmas).
Its frustrating how something so positive is having a negative affect on my life. I am finally with someone who I am really turned on by, the porn induced ED has gone, whether because of this person, or due to other factors I?m not sure.
But I would really like to not go cold turkey (no wanking, no sex at all etc.), especially when I have uni to look forward to, aren?t we all supposed to sleep around in the first year with a healthy measure of contraception?
So I?m on here with my very long post hoping for some ideas, some inspiration and to discuss with other people who are hoping to improve their lives.
Thanks for reading.