Relapse after 5 months of no fap

Hello all,

After about 5 months of reboot, I recently relapsed. I masturbated to porn once a week ago and again last night. I am worried that all of my 5 months of hard work are now down the drain and want to know if I'm back to square one or if this is merely a minor set back. Before I had relapsed I had been getting regular erections in the morning and had been craving sex with a real partner. I had sex a couple weeks ago and was able to maintain something close to a full erection, but it still didnt seem 100%. Is all my progress gone or am I overthinking it,

You haven't set yourself back to square one. 5 months is a fantastic run without porn and will have helped to weaken the porn networks. You just need to start again with renewed strength and commitment.

Good luck!

That's all I needed to hear! Thanks for the well wishes!

Just dont think about porn man. Realize the damage it has caused. Keep your head up.

mousemat1 said:

You haven't set yourself back to square one. 5 months is a fantastic run without porn and will have helped to weaken the porn networks. You just need to start again with renewed strength and commitment.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

I'm sorry, but this isn't always the case.

Gary Wilson once did a lecture explaining the intermittent use/disuse of Porn. It basically shows that after abstinence of x period, once someone relapses, the porn pathways not will only fire up, but would grow even stronger and causing a worse ED.

I also experienced this, on two occasions (before I even saw that Gary Wilson clip!). This is what happened:

- January 2017 I quit porn but was doing MO. (not a new year's resolution!)

- My first PMO relapse was in August 2017.  The day after the relapse, I checked my erection..... HORROR! My penis shrunk noticeably and there was less blood flow. The erection was for sure worse. Seeing my shrunk penis and less blood flow made me extremely distraught and that was the moment when I quit Porn. (To this day I have had no urges or interest whatever to look at Porn - that's positive the out of this episode.) The discovery, for whatever reason, also made me feeling 'scared' about sex and sexuality all together. I don't know why.

-  So, after that relapse, I of course decided to go HardMode for the first time.

- I did that until I relapsed to MO in June 2018 (I had a few MO relapses before that, but it didn't cause  anything noticeable) Now, unfortunately this MO relapsed replicated the effects of my August 2017 PMO relapse. (Yes, an MO relapse replicated, in the brain, the effects of a PMO relapse). The following day after checking my erection, I noticed yet another reduction of blood flow to the penis (so that's nearly a year's worth of no PMO wiped out because of a MO alone) Now, the reason that this MO on this occasion produced the same effects as the PMO, is because my masturbation technique (using the thumb and index finger to message the 'cherry' part of the penis) for the MO was exactly the same technique that I used during my PMO days. Was absolutely gutted about that. It was so hard to take that approx a year's work was wiped away (judging by the reduction of the bloody flow.)

Anyway, the basic point is that, even after going through a long time without PMO, one relapse can awaken the pathways and make it even stronger (as they were stronger before hand.) It's like going to the gym training your muscle: if you've come back after a long lay off due to an injury (and you've lost a lot of muscle), you will probably build more muscles faster than someone who has never been to the gym (assuming this someone's other variables are not too dissimilar to you).

I'm sorry about this disheartening post - but it's better to know it now rather than relapse every now and then thinking that it was only one relapse.

Hi DepressedAndOut.

You are quite right to point out that it isn't always the case.

However, I just want to provide this link to Gary's website and one of his own comments.

The important paragraph is about 100 line below the title 'What if it's already too late?'

Gary states that,

"One of the most often asked questions is: "I've just relapsed, does this mean I am starting over at Day 1?" The simple answer is, "no." The days you spent not using porn have altered your brain in positive ways. Every time you say "no" to your porn habit, it strengthens your executive-control brain circuits and weakens your addiction circuits. Is an obese dieter back to day 1 because he pigged out on the weekend? No. Neither are you. Simply learn from the relapse, expect a strong chaser effect for a few days, take steps to prevent a similar one in the future, and start again."

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now

Of course, it needs to be understood that not everyone responds the same way to a relapse, although Gary does seem to imply that we don't reset to Day 1. I think it's safe to say that a relapse will slow down your recovery, but 5 months without porn will have helped to repair the brain and one relapse shouldn't reverse 5 months hard work. If you decide to binge, however, then this could have some serious repercussions.

It's better not to relapse! Good luck!

mousemat1 said:

Hi DepressedAndOut.

You are quite right to point out that it isn't always the case.

However, I just want to provide this link to Gary's website and one of his own comments.

The important paragraph is about 100 line below the title 'What if it's already too late?'

Gary states that,

"One of the most often asked questions is: "I've just relapsed, does this mean I am starting over at Day 1?" The simple answer is, "no." The days you spent not using porn have altered your brain in positive ways. Every time you say "no" to your porn habit, it strengthens your executive-control brain circuits and weakens your addiction circuits. Is an obese dieter back to day 1 because he pigged out on the weekend? No. Neither are you. Simply learn from the relapse, expect a strong chaser effect for a few days, take steps to prevent a similar one in the future, and start again."

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now

Of course, it needs to be understood that not everyone responds the same way to a relapse, although Gary does seem to imply that we don't reset to Day 1. I think it's safe to say that a relapse will slow down your recovery, but 5 months without porn will have helped to repair the brain and one relapse shouldn't reverse 5 months hard work. If you decide to binge, however, then this could have some serious repercussions.

It's better not to relapse! Good luck!

Click to expand...

This seems to be referring to the behavior of addiction (PMO). Not necessarily about the effects of the habit (shrunk penis, less blood flow, etc).  So, not using porn for x days may well weaken your addiction circuit, but it doesn't necessarily mean your effects are not worse.

So for example, me - I have no urge whatsoever for Porn but despite relapsing (to MO), I managed  to make the effects worse. And therefore probably making it longer to recover from it.

I don't know man.... I'm just so depressed and sick about this.  Living the rest of my life with the thought that I will never ever taste sex in my 20s, and now potentially in my 30's as I'm soon nearly 35, is killing me from the inside all over the body. Just so depressing and distraught about my 'fate'.  :'( :'( :'( My outlook on life is just too dark. I can't even bear of the thought of watching a movie with scenes of young people enjoying their life (especially the sex), it's a massive trigger for me. (for saddness.)

DepressedAndOut said:

mousemat1 said:

Hi DepressedAndOut.

You are quite right to point out that it isn't always the case.

However, I just want to provide this link to Gary's website and one of his own comments.

The important paragraph is about 100 line below the title 'What if it's already too late?'

Gary states that,

"One of the most often asked questions is: "I've just relapsed, does this mean I am starting over at Day 1?" The simple answer is, "no." The days you spent not using porn have altered your brain in positive ways. Every time you say "no" to your porn habit, it strengthens your executive-control brain circuits and weakens your addiction circuits. Is an obese dieter back to day 1 because he pigged out on the weekend? No. Neither are you. Simply learn from the relapse, expect a strong chaser effect for a few days, take steps to prevent a similar one in the future, and start again."

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now

Of course, it needs to be understood that not everyone responds the same way to a relapse, although Gary does seem to imply that we don't reset to Day 1. I think it's safe to say that a relapse will slow down your recovery, but 5 months without porn will have helped to repair the brain and one relapse shouldn't reverse 5 months hard work. If you decide to binge, however, then this could have some serious repercussions.

It's better not to relapse! Good luck!

Click to expand...

This seems to be referring to the behavior of addiction (PMO). Not necessarily about the effects of the habit (shrunk penis, less blood flow, etc).  So, not using porn for x days may well weaken your addiction circuit, but it doesn't necessarily mean your effects are not worse.

So for example, me - I have no urge whatsoever for Porn but despite relapsing (to MO), I managed  to make the effects worse. And therefore probably making it longer to recover from it.

I don't know man.... I'm just so depressed and sick about this.  Living the rest of my life with the thought that I will never ever taste sex in my 20s, and now potentially in my 30's as I'm soon nearly 35, is killing me from the inside all over the body. Just so depressing and distraught about my 'fate'.  :'( :'( :'( My outlook on life is just too dark. I can't even bear of the thought of watching a movie with scenes of young people enjoying their life (especially the sex), it's a massive trigger for me. (for saddness.)

Click to expand...

Don't take this the wrong way, but there's more to life than sex man.

Hi DepressedAndOut.

If you have PIED then you don't need to live the rest of your life without sex. All the evidence is there that you can reverse the effects of PIED. As I mentioned, everyone is different but if you can really commit to a long period without porn (which you have) and avoid masturbation (which in your case seems to bring on some severe effects) then I'm confident that you will recover.

Are you sure you have PIED? Have you been checked out by a doctor to rule out any other possible causes for why you suffer so much after masturbating to orgasm?

Try to stay positive. I know that's a bit prosaic, but everything we do depends on the mind. People focus on the body but, apart from reflex actions, the body doesn't do anything without the mind. If you can maintain a positive outlook and focus on when you heal and not if you heal then you'll feel a lot better wishing yourself. We have PIED. We have to accept this fact and just implement the measures that will fix the problem. It's frustrating! I have a partner and I can't have sex with her. I will heal though and I'm focused on this fact!

Good luck with your reboot and try to focus on the positives!

I'm pretty sure I sure from PIED. I've had many blood tests done and everything is 'normal' with the odd raised/lowered hormone - but that alone wouldn't impact the erection.

The reason my MO brought on severe effects is because they're still wired together with the porn pathways - especially when I use the same masturbation technique that I used to do in my porn days. (which is  the most pleasurable technique as it massages the G spot!)

I'm trying to be positive as much as possible, but obviously the older your get, the worse you look (in my age range) and that causes me even more anxiety about my future prospects. The approaching the label of the 40 year-old virgin is now starting to make me feel sick. I really need to get over this problem and start having regular sex with few years left in my 30s still - but at the moment this prospect is looking very bleak.

scorpion1386 said:

DepressedAndOut said:

mousemat1 said:

Hi DepressedAndOut.

You are quite right to point out that it isn't always the case.

However, I just want to provide this link to Gary's website and one of his own comments.

The important paragraph is about 100 line below the title 'What if it's already too late?'

Gary states that,

"One of the most often asked questions is: "I've just relapsed, does this mean I am starting over at Day 1?" The simple answer is, "no." The days you spent not using porn have altered your brain in positive ways. Every time you say "no" to your porn habit, it strengthens your executive-control brain circuits and weakens your addiction circuits. Is an obese dieter back to day 1 because he pigged out on the weekend? No. Neither are you. Simply learn from the relapse, expect a strong chaser effect for a few days, take steps to prevent a similar one in the future, and start again."

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now

Of course, it needs to be understood that not everyone responds the same way to a relapse, although Gary does seem to imply that we don't reset to Day 1. I think it's safe to say that a relapse will slow down your recovery, but 5 months without porn will have helped to repair the brain and one relapse shouldn't reverse 5 months hard work. If you decide to binge, however, then this could have some serious repercussions.

It's better not to relapse! Good luck!

Click to expand...

This seems to be referring to the behavior of addiction (PMO). Not necessarily about the effects of the habit (shrunk penis, less blood flow, etc).  So, not using porn for x days may well weaken your addiction circuit, but it doesn't necessarily mean your effects are not worse.

So for example, me - I have no urge whatsoever for Porn but despite relapsing (to MO), I managed  to make the effects worse. And therefore probably making it longer to recover from it.

I don't know man.... I'm just so depressed and sick about this.  Living the rest of my life with the thought that I will never ever taste sex in my 20s, and now potentially in my 30's as I'm soon nearly 35, is killing me from the inside all over the body. Just so depressing and distraught about my 'fate'.  :'( :'( :'( My outlook on life is just too dark. I can't even bear of the thought of watching a movie with scenes of young people enjoying their life (especially the sex), it's a massive trigger for me. (for saddness.)

Click to expand...

Don't take this the wrong way, but there's more to life than sex man.

Click to expand...

Yes I know, but when you're nearly 35 and have never had any intimate moment, and very rare attention from women, you start feeling sick about it.

I'm sorry, but saying there's more to life than sex is easy when you've had some. It's the greatest pleasure a human could ever have (the problem is so many people, apparently, are bad at it - hence the comment 'there's more to life than sex (I'm not saying it's you) )

I'm sitting here preoccupied on this forum where usually at this time I'm preparing for work - this says it all about how far this is taking over my utterly, utterly miserable life.

As someone who got his max record of hardmode 28days in relationship and relapsed like 5-6 times in my 7-8 month recovery i have say that you dont even go to to 1/8 of what you did

That doesnt mean you have to binge.
All you have to do is to forgive yourself and dont bring negative thoughts/feelings to you.
Recovery needs relapse in a healthy way.
Your brain response like that.

Make sure you bring yourself up and keep your recovery process.
One step back two steps forward.
Good luck!Check my recent success story and share your thoughts with me