To Swerve Might Make More Dead

My name is Matt, and I am 26 years old.

There are a million places where I could start this post, and I'm not entirely sure which one to go with.

Dating has been a big one, lately. I've been trying to force myself to date more, but the more dates I go on, the shittier I feel, because I just don't feel any draw to women in the real world. I should, but I don't. I've even subconsciously sabotaged dates by staying up all night the night before, or drinking before I go out. I'm just wholly uninterested in people.

I'm not sure when I first started watching porn, but I clearly remember installing a keylogger on the family computer to get the dialup password so I could get on at 4am when my dad left for work and start slowly downloading videos.

I didn't have my first girlfriend/sexual experience until college. The first time she tried to get me off orally ended with her crying because I couldn't get off. Delayed ejaculation was pretty much par for the course throughout the relationship, which wasn't always a bad thing, but was certainly an annoyance more often than not. She raped me and cheated on me before I called it quits.

The next girl I became infatuated with told me that she wanted a guy who would take charge and man-handle her. We were out flirting late one night and I pulled her in close for a kiss. She told all of our mutual friends that I'd sexually assaulted her, and I pretty much lost my entire social life.

Dated a girl with borderline personality disorder after that who frequently threatened suicide. It took about a year before we finally had sex, and then she immediately freaked out and said that if I cared about her I would have never had sex with her.

And then finally, I dated an asexual for almost two years, which provided further aggravation.

Porn was the stress-relief inbetween and during it all.

I think my worst day in recent history was 8 or 9 sessions in a single day. And that was on a day that I had work.

I've been able to connect with women sexually online, but not in real life. Cybering has been the extent of my sexual relationships in recent history. And considering that my last relationship was with an asexual, it's been almost 4 years since I've had PIV sex in real life. I've had opportunities, but either anxiety or lack of interest got in the way.

I've struggled with depression for years, but this was the first year where I truly became suicidally depressed. I'm full of anxiety about people, about work, about answering the phone, etc. I'm incapable of finishing anything I start. I want to have relationships with people, in theory, but don't have the motivation to deal with them. I've had pretty vehement feelings towards women, and especially my roommate, in the past year. Partly from porn, and partly from what I've been subjected to.

I gave up porn, and the internet in general, a few months ago after seeing some TED Talks on the subject. It was the best I ever felt. I lost a lot of weight, was exercising regularly, eating foods that I enjoyed, going out and doing things, reading more. But I relapsed. Gained back all of the weight, became increasingly depressed, started becoming especially annoyed by people.

I think no PMO is the way to go this time around, and I'm feeling more confident. I installed a porn blocker and made sure it's blocking all of my usual sites. I know I could still get around it if I wanted to, but it's more inconvenient now.

I'm not sure how much of my depression, anxiety, etc. stems from porn, and how much stems from the other trauma I've endured, but I know that my relationship with sex has changed over the years, and I'm ready to start the rewiring process.

I made it through my first full day of no PMO, and I'm ready to make this happen.

Almost lost it. Knew my roommates were going to come home drunk and horny. Jerked to the sound of them having sex, but never came, though I would have if it were much louder or longer. Part of me wishes they'd fuck again. It's the closest thing I have to porn right now.

One of the symptoms of porn addiction is that you want to observate sex but dont have sex, its in brain pathways and you can change that with rebooting. More days you reboot more pathways in your brain became normal. You say that in theory you want to connect with people but practically you dont, some weeks of being PMO free will eliminate in some part your social anxiety and you will naturally be more social, some months without PMO and you will as social as you think that in theory you should be. I wish you a good luck in your rebooting. You will experience a withdrawal and depression because of abstinence but its temporal, every aspect in your life will get better, you will be able to finish anything that yoi begin and archieve your life goals.

Berens said:

One of the symptoms of porn addiction is that you want to observate sex but dont have sex, its in brain pathways and you can change that with rebooting. More days you reboot more pathways in your brain became normal. You say that in theory you want to connect with people but practically you dont, some weeks of being PMO free will eliminate in some part your social anxiety and you will naturally be more social, some months without PMO and you will as social as you think that in theory you should be. I wish you a good luck in your rebooting. You will experience a withdrawal and depression because of abstinence but its temporal, every aspect in your life will get better, you will be able to finish anything that yoi begin and archieve your life goals.

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Thanks. Today has been going much smoother. Have gotten a lot of cleaning done. Thinking about going into the city and running around so that I won't be sitting around bored at home.

Good luck, buddy, sounds like a reboot is just what you need.  Just remember last time you went with out P, how good all of that motivation and doing all that excercise.  Cravings all go away if you give it time, and there are much better ways of coping with stress than self-medicating with P.  Whenever you get that urge, just think; is it worth throwing away all of those good feelings for a moment of pleasure?

Promise said:

Good luck, buddy, sounds like a reboot is just what you need.  Just remember last time you went with out P, how good all of that motivation and doing all that excercise.  Cravings all go away if you give it time, and there are much better ways of coping with stress than self-medicating with P.  Whenever you get that urge, just think; is it worth throwing away all of those good feelings for a moment of pleasure?

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Thanks for the encouragement!

Today I went into the city and wandered around for a few hours (on the train home now.) Saw lots of attractive women, objectively speaking, but I felt nothing for them. Not even inspired to fantasize, which I suppose I have mixed feelings about.

I did want to get opinions on something. We have a hot tub, which I can't use right now because I just got a fresh tattoo, but when I do start getting in again, I'm wondering if I should avoid getting in with my female roommate. We go in the nude, which is why I ask. Ultimately I know that it's a judgment call that I have to make, but I was wondering if anyone has similar experiences and insights about how it affected their reboot. Pixels vs. Real world, etc.

Last night and this morning were rough. I'm used to M first thing in the morning, and last thing before I go to sleep. I got pretty intense morning wood this morning. Was probably dreaming about P and just don't remember it (maybe I should start focusing on lucid dreaming again.)

I did talk to someone while I was out yesterday, but not for long. Still quite unlike me to converse with strangers. It was an older woman with a fuschia waiting to get on the train, and I used to work at a nursery, so it wasn't that big of a stretch for me. Although, I'm sure a few days ago I would have thought of saying something and been too anxious.

Of course, there were plenty of compliments or questions that I thought to ask people and didn't, but I'll take what I can get.

I am, I feel, in a generally better mood today, not all of which is to blame on making it to day 3, I'm sure. I have talked to two of my cybersex partners, and both have been super supportive, and have agreed not to engage with me sexually anymore. Had a really long, wonderful conversation with one that I haven't been talking to as frequently and it was really nice. Probably part of the reason I'm in a much better mood.

I'm thinking about trying out some new stuff, stylistically. I have long hair and a beard, and I'm thinking doing some Viking inspired stuff with it. Experiment with my appearance in ways that I haven't allowed myself to before because I didn't have the confidence to stand out.

I also hope that my reboot will reduce the anxiety I feel about driving (even though people really don't know how to drive here.) I'm determined to finally get my license and my motorcycle endorsement. You know, since I should have had it a decade ago. I know that my general anxiety has increased over the years, so it's probably safe to say that increasingly extreme P is partly to blame.

Anyway. That's a lot of random stuff, but it's my journal, so there.

A lot of nice positive stuff then

With regards to the skinny dipping, I should imagine it's fine, because it's real with an actual person.  With regards to your reboot, I'm sure good human contact can only help.  The only tricky situation is if it gets you going and causes a relapse, but I believe human contact is a positive.

If you struggle in the mornings, I'd jump straight out of bed and into a cold shower.  What I usually do is have my regular warm shower, then turn the cold all the way up and the hot all the way down and count to 30.  This actually has multiple benefits, besides from suppressing libido it causes the pores of your skin to contract, making it harder for dirt to get in there, so it's good for your skin too ^_^  Also wakes you up and fills you with energy I find.

Even if I wanted to PMO right now, I'm just too exhausted. We had a recall and it took me almost four hours to go through all of the bad product and dispose of it... so I was four hours behind on everything all night. Stayed late about an hour, which sucked, because my feet were already killing me, but I had to try to do a little catch up.

Got home and saw my roommates had ordered pizza, which was nice, since I haven't had a chance to do grocery shopping. Grabbed a few slices and the last glass of this really awesome Moscato d'Asti that I picked up the other day (Villa Alena). Especially in the heat, and now that red wines are really starting to bother me, I enjoy a really sweet wine, so it might not do it for everyone. The new Stella Artois Cidre is really good too, for something on the sweet end of the scale.

Promise said:

A lot of nice positive stuff then

With regards to the skinny dipping, I should imagine it's fine, because it's real with an actual person.  With regards to your reboot, I'm sure good human contact can only help.  The only tricky situation is if it gets you going and causes a relapse, but I believe human contact is a positive.

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We used to cuddle a lot, but not as much now between the heat of summer and the two of them having work/school schedules more aligned. But I do have a sometimes strong attraction to her, and she has been the subject of much fantasizing. I'm mostly desensitized to seeing her nude, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I have a lot of unhealthy voyeuristic tendencies directed at her (and women in general, but she's the most accessible at the moment) which is the only thing that gives me pause. I guess I'll just play it by ear when it gets to that point.

I did get to see her during my lunch break today and discussed YBOP, so it was nice to have someone else to talk to. Discussed some of her interactions with men, and it made sense to me that some of those were the result of widespread porn addiction amongst men. She also felt that some of her own issues could have resulted from porn use. In any case, it was a good conversation.

Promise said:

If you struggle in the mornings, I'd jump straight out of bed and into a cold shower.  What I usually do is have my regular warm shower, then turn the cold all the way up and the hot all the way down and count to 30.  This actually has multiple benefits, besides from suppressing libido it causes the pores of your skin to contract, making it harder for dirt to get in there, so it's good for your skin too ^_^  Also wakes you up and fills you with energy I find.

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I've tried Scottish showers/cold showers/ice baths because of the purported benefits. I just can't do it. I can start warm and gradually get cooler, but even then, I can't get as cold as my shower will go. It's pretty freakin' cold. Maybe it's a good time to try again, though I don't expect different results. You're probably right about one thing, though... I don't think I could have an erection if I were being blasted by freezing water.

I used to always think that I wasn't able to get addicted to things. I could pick up bad habits and then turn around and drop them as soon as I got bored with them. This whole experience has put that all in a new light. What I was addicted to was the novelty, and the reason I would pick things up and drop them is precisely because I was bored and needed something novel to get my dopamine pumping. All along, my addiction was in not getting addicted.

I think those are all of my revelations for the day. I mean, I've noticed that my mood has continued to be good, generally speaking. The brain fog/depression has lessened considerably. Perhaps even the anxiety as well. The only problem now would be in getting too comfortable and confident in my progress. I've hardly started this thing. I'm still in the honeymoon phase of my reboot, if you will. I know that I'm not even at the hard part yet. And, with the exception of my morning wood, and in the absence of P, my sex drive has become practically non-existent, so I know I'm not in the clear yet.

I guess the only other thing of note is that I ordered a Utilikilt to complement the new look I'm working on. It's not something  I can really afford at the moment, but I've been reading The Hedonism Handbook, and while it's not a particularly good read, it has made me decide that I should focus a little more on enjoying life while I have the chance, and not worry so much about the credit card balance. It's not like it's going anywhere.

Oh, and I started looking at hair transplant surgery, which I really can't afford right now. Still, it sucks to have thinning hair at 26 (though, maybe it's something in the water where I went to grade school, because all of my guy friends that I'm still in contact with have thinning hair.) I just want to be able to have my mohawk again. And I'm not ready to start shaving my head. I mean, I have awesome hair. Le sigh.

Maybe I should start a Kickstarter to earn money for my hair. There have been stranger things.

I think with your room mate, it's entirely a judgement call on your part.  If you feel it's fueling your fantasies and getting out of hand, maybe it's time to put a stop to it.  But if you can keep it under control then go for it.  It's not a situation I've come up against, so I can't really give you more than that

I don't gradually turn the cold up, I just go for it.  Maximum cold, straight away.  It's harder in winter because the water tank is colder Just man up and go for it!

I've said it in a couple of other threads, the honeymoon period is good, because it gives you something to shoot for.  That great feeling is obtainable in your day to day life.  Just remember that, and remember you get it by rebooting.

Sucks about your hair, I'm 25 and have a receding hairline   But what can you do!?  Some ladies think it makes you distinctive

hey bro , just wanted to say keep it up it seems to me you are on the right track!
you encourage me to talk to my cyber partners and tell them about my reboot so thanks!
about the hair thing.. it happens to everyone, i try to embrace it , its part of me maturing haha

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

The hair thing doesn't really bother me in a "what other people think of me" kind of way. It bothers me in a "I want to do this with my hair, but can't because it's not thick enough anymore" kind of way. Super annoying.

And I'm working on getting a new job where I'll be making at least 3-4 times what I'm making right now. And the surgery isn't really that much, ultimately. It's about $6,000 maximum, per session, and I may only need half the maximum number of grafts. I'd have to go in for a consultation to find out how many grafts I would need to take care of my thinning.

kabilyo said:

hey bro , just wanted to say keep it up it seems to me you are on the right track!
you encourage me to talk to my cyber partners and tell them about my reboot so thanks!
about the hair thing.. it happens to everyone, i try to embrace it , its part of me maturing haha

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Glad I was able to encourage you. I saw talking to my partners as a no brainer. I wouldn't be able to play with them anymore, so I might as well tell them why, especially so they wouldn't do anything to derail my reboot by accident. Plus, they're intelligent, open-minded women. If I was going to be able to tell anyone, it would be them.

Promise said:

I think with your room mate, it's entirely a judgement call on your part.  If you feel it's fueling your fantasies and getting out of hand, maybe it's time to put a stop to it.  But if you can keep it under control then go for it.  It's not a situation I've come up against, so I can't really give you more than that

I don't gradually turn the cold up, I just go for it.  Maximum cold, straight away.  It's harder in winter because the water tank is colder Just man up and go for it!

I've said it in a couple of other threads, the honeymoon period is good, because it gives you something to shoot for.  That great feeling is obtainable in your day to day life.  Just remember that, and remember you get it by rebooting.

Sucks about your hair, I'm 25 and have a receding hairline   But what can you do!?  Some ladies think it makes you distinctive

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And yeah, judgement calls. That's life. And that's why we're here, ultimately.

I've tried to do insta-cold, and I think my heart nearly exploded. Haha.

This morning was a lot better, morning wood-wise. The urge to fap wasn't as strong (though I did have strong urge last night when I laid down), and I did get out of bed sooner, so helped alleviate the problem. I did stay up way too late though, and didn't sleep as many hours as I'd like, which could start spelling trouble for my self-control. They woke me up doing construction or something at the lodge next door. o_0

Hopefully my new bed gets here soon, and hopefully it has me sleeping like a baby like I think it will.

Has anyone else used SmartyPig for their savings goals? That's what I'm using for my vacation savings, and I just started one for my hair transplant surgery.  It's set up to just automatically make a withdrawal from my checking every other week so I don't even have to think about it, but there are lots of other scheduling options, or one time deposits. Plus, it's social, so it keeps you motivated. I'm going to be flying into Singapore for my 28th birthday, and then probably taking the train up through Thailand, etc. If anyone's interested you can PM me for a referral, and then I'll get $10 added to my surgery fund. It would be pretty sweet if I could get all 100 referrals and have a chunk a change dedicated to surgery. I think it'll be a nice reward for a successful reboot.

And speaking of services I use that are relevant to subjects that often come up, does anyone use the Nexercise smartphone app? It pays you to exercise, indirectly. It uses the mPoints service to award points for doing exercise, and then you can redeem them for gift cards, etc. I've made about $10 in Amazon gift cards. Not huge, but lets me get a little treat for exercising (which is going to be a big deal as I get into my reboot.) The only problem I had was that I got so far behind on my point redemptions that it motivated me not to exercise. o_0 Almost caught up though, and then I'll be getting my hour and a half a day minimum (points are based on achievements, and you get one for doing at least 30 minutes of 3 different activities a day.) Should be caught up tomorrow, actually, and then it's time to start kicking ass and taking names.

Today was a roller coaster. I felt really good all morning and early afternoon. Watched a few standup specials and genuinely laughed for the first time I can remember. Thought about going out but I've been spending quite a bit of money lately and didn't want to deal with public transit, which is my only transportation right now.

Ended up sliding into a mild-ish depression by late afternoon/early evening. Don't know if it's part of the reboot process, or from lack of sleep, lack of social interaction (all of my roommates have been gone all day and I didn't have work), or a lack of getting out of the house. Meh.

Did watch Don Jon because it popped up on Netflix. It was okay, but did trivialize the situation a bit. Also, might be a trigger for some people, so don't know if I can recommend it.

Did talk to an old friend who I thought wasn't talking to me anymore. At one point we had gotten right up to the point of having sex and I backed out because of anxiety, etc. Apparently she wasn't avoiding me for any reason. I mean, I don't entirely buy that, but I guess we're talking now.

I was tempted to fap, and I think it was partly triggered by Don Jon, so fair warning. I think the only reason that I didn't is because I was feeling depressed, so hooray for that, I guess?

My bed delivery did get scheduled, but not until the 2nd, so blegh on that. I was hoping to have it sooner. But I suppose I'll live.

I feel like there was more I wanted to say, but I can't recall what right now. I suspect that this is going to be a rough night because I'm bored, depressed, alone, and really feel like self-medicating with P. Maybe I'll have a few drinks to relax and forget about it. I don't seem to have any problems with alcohol leading to PMO like some people do.

Almost seems like our mood cycles are syncing up mate  ;D I had some pretty lousy feelings from the afternoon onwards.  Like I said in my thread, reboots seem to cause mood swings from day to day, so your bad mood (and mine) are probably just a symptom of that.  Bear that in mind when you feel like self-medicating with M or P, that it's only going to prolong your bad mood, and not actually solve it.  Keep it up and your mood will go away in no time.

Those mood changes douring a day are caused by brain dopamine's pathways. This temporal, goid mood will come back. Today i have waked up with a depression and now i feel better, i dont know how i am going to feel afternoon but i know that its temporal and just must be above of that. Good luck

Promise said:

Almost seems like our mood cycles are syncing up mate  ;D

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It does. Maybe this gives us some small insight into what it's like to be a woman.

Promise said:

I had some pretty lousy feelings from the afternoon onwards.  Like I said in my thread, reboots seem to cause mood swings from day to day, so your bad mood (and mine) are probably just a symptom of that.  Bear that in mind when you feel like self-medicating with M or P, that it's only going to prolong your bad mood, and not actually solve it.  Keep it up and your mood will go away in no time.

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Berens said:

Those mood changes douring a day are caused by brain dopamine's pathways. This temporal, goid mood will come back. Today i have waked up with a depression and now i feel better, i dont know how i am going to feel afternoon but i know that its temporal and just must be above of that. Good luck

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Agreed. Had a pretty rough night, but it turned into a pretty good day.

I had a surprisingly easy day. Woke up, had a slight urge to M, but got out of bed really quick. I've been playing around with the idea of doing a Jack Sparrow-esque braid so decided to walk up to Walgreens and get some rubber bands for my hair. Put on one of the new outfits that I bought and felt/looked like a rock star. Everything fit perfectly and looked badass. And I'm pretty sure I caught a few people checking me out.

I got home and basked in how awesome I looked. Because I've never been allowed/had the money to dress in a way that suited me... so I've decided that I've earned a little vanity.

Went to work in the afternoon and genuinely felt pretty good about going (instead of having to drag myself like I usually do) and felt friendlier and in an overall good mood once I got there. I mean, I started dragging by the end of the night, but that's pretty much par for the course.

Boredom has been a subject of much discussion around here, it seems. Boredom is certainly an issue for me. On days that I work, like today, I generally have enough on my plate to not get bored. But I'm a little concerned about having four days off in a row starting Thursday. I already know that I have plans Saturday night and Sunday morning/afternoon, but I'm afraid that I'll be tempted to M if I don't feel the other time with something.

I did ask someone from OKC to meet me for a hike. I have mixed feelings about using OKC during my reboot. I should probably avoid activities where I can browse through pictures of people. And really, I have mixed feelings about OKC in generally. I've met plenty of people off of there, but none of them were without serious mental issues. And given my current state, I'm not even an exception to that. I have one roommate who might be the exception to that rule, but maybe I just haven't discovered his neuroses yet.

In other news, my kilt comes tomorrow. Hopefully they leave it, since I'll be at work during the delivery window they provided. o_0 I've had issues with them not leaving packages. Now I just need to get ripped, right?

I'm feeling positive. I'm almost a week in. There are a few of us on here right around the same spot, and riding very similar highs and lows. The support has been good, and definitely helpful. I think we'll all do great.

I started a survey about PMO, and I'm curious to see what the results are. You can check out my post about that here: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1206.0

As with many things in this process, OKC differs from person to person.  Some people find it mimics porn too much, and others see no problem.  If you feel you can use it responsibly, go ahead   I've made some good friends from that site, and I even met the woman who's keeping hold of my K9 password on there.  Meeting up with someone from OKC for a hike sounds like a great idea to me!

You sound like quite the fashionista  ;D

Keeping busy is a great way to avoid relapse, but the truth is, we can't all be busy 100% of the time.  Every now and then you'll be left alone by yourself, and I guess you need to learn how to cope with that.  I've still not tried it, although I want to give it a go; meditation seems like a great way to learn how to appreciate your own company without slipping back into bad habits.

Promise said:

As with many things in this process, OKC differs from person to person.  Some people find it mimics porn too much, and others see no problem.  If you feel you can use it responsibly, go ahead   I've made some good friends from that site, and I even met the woman who's keeping hold of my K9 password on there.  Meeting up with someone from OKC for a hike sounds like a great idea to me!

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Yeah. I actually met the friend I just reconnected with on OKC. I mean, I wouldn't say that she's free from serious neuroses. I've made friends on there, but none of them have really stuck around on account of their neuroses or mine.

And there were definitely some profiles where I was thinking "I shouldn't look at this." But for the most part, it seemed fine.

Mostly, I think I just haven't gotten over that hump where I can be interested in people again. I opened quite a few profiles with the intention to message them, but just didn't care enough after the first one. Barely cared enough for that. And I haven't gotten a response yet, and probably won't, given my message.

Promise said:

You sound like quite the fashionista  ;D

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You know, I'm trying. I've never liked how I looked and I dressed accordingly. This is truly the first time I've bought clothes in 4 years, and even then, those were for work. I was at the point where everything I had was either holey, or didn't fit anymore. I had one outfit that I could wear in public... so, I wasn't going out in public a whole lot. Which reinforced the isolation I craved because of the addiction.

And, I've been reading The Hedonism Handbook, like I mentioned previously. Most of it was about drugs, alcohol, sex, food, relaxation... but there was a brief moment where it mentioned dressing in a way that made you feel good. And I realized that by telling myself that I needed to get down to my ideal weight before I spent a lot of money on clothes I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and stressing myself out, and so I was self-medicating with P and food, which only made the problem worse. I decided "Hey, fuck it! I'm going to go get some clothes that I enjoy wearing so I'm not stressed all the time." Seems to be working.

Promise said:

Keeping busy is a great way to avoid relapse, but the truth is, we can't all be busy 100% of the time.  Every now and then you'll be left alone by yourself, and I guess you need to learn how to cope with that.  I've still not tried it, although I want to give it a go; meditation seems like a great way to learn how to appreciate your own company without slipping back into bad habits.

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I've done alright so far spending time on my own. Especially since yesterday during my lunch is the first time I've seen my roommates at all in... 4 days? And before that was just briefly during my lunch as well. And it was probably a week before that that I saw them.

I find that guided meditations are pretty good if you're struggling to find the willpower to meditate, or don't have much experience. I still prefer them over regular zazen a lot of the time.

I don't know what kind of phone you have, but there's a good series of guided meditation apps for Android (and possibly iOS) by Andrew Johnson. There are a few free ones. I've got a couple of the paid ones because I liked them so much. They give you a few options, like whether or not you want to sleep afterwards. Here's the page with all the different ones they have: https://play.google.com/store/apps/developer?id=HiveBrain+Software

As far as how I'm feeling today... I'm not sure. Generally good, but maybe with a bit of brain fog. It was a little harder to get out of bed without MO than it was yesterday. But you take each day as they come, yeah?

I did update the survey (http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1206.0) because I realized that I neglected PMO frequency. Hopefully it gets some good results.

Anyway. That's all for now. I'll post again after work if I have anything significant to say.

This is the most upbeat I've ever felt at work. I didn't take a long lunch (like I usually do, because I dread going back).

I caught myself checking out some of the women who came in to work today, but I didn't feel anything for them.

Today was my Friday, and the start of a 4-day mini vacation. boredom is going to be enemy number one over the next couple of days, on account of my not having plans until Saturday. We'll see how I do.

A few minor urges to MO earlier in the day. Ran into my roommate when I got home for lunch and she was on her way out for a date. I wished her good luck getting laid, and realized that she cannot tell me the details of her trysts because it would derail my reboot. So, I'll have to make sure she keeps me in the dark.

My other roommates don't know about my reboot yet. They should probably find out before they do something to derail me, but I'm not ready to tell them yet.

I did get my kilt today. Now I just need a sword.

Enjoying some cider and trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm not ready to go to bed yet, so we'll see what happens.

Oh, I did have a revelation, because of someone else's journal post. I realized that the few times I suffered from premature ejaculation, instead of delayed ejaculation, was when the sex was at it's most extreme, it's most porn-like. It was novel enough that my body treated it just like PMO.

I also had new revelations about the survey I'm running, and added some new questions to narrow down the potential culprits. If you've taken the survey, you should check it out again to answer a few new questions. If you haven't taken it, you should. It would give credence to the speculation. (http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1206.0)

And I think I've technically made it to the one week mark! (My counter is off by a few hours.) So, congratulations to me, I guess.