My PIED story

I'm in my early 40's, married.

I've been looking at porn on and off since i was a teenager. I started getting ED in my 30s but it never occurred to me that it was porn related until I found this website.

I stopped all porn 5 months ago and have masturbated only a few times since then. Although I've been tempted, I don't ever want to go back to it.

The PIED really sucks. I've been intimate with my wife naturally a few times (since reboot) when the sex was spontaneous but, otherwise I've needed drugs for all the other times.

I am a depressed because:
1. I have a low libido
2. I feel like I've lost my self confidence
3. the ED has gotten in my head and has me convinced I can't succeed without drugs

So the PIED is now compounded by performance anxiety.

I'm gonna stay clean though and holding out hope that things get better.

'Welcome' to the club!

Although I wish you weren't here. PIED is shit but we've caused this ourselves. I also have a really low libido, which affects my confidence. We just need to avoid porn and porn substitutes until we heal. I'm confident we will heal, but when.... I really don't know.

Great to see you're committed to staying clean! Good luck on your reboot and post any progress you make. It's always reassuring to read about other guys recoveries!

MO may be holding up your progress, even if it's only occasionally. It also sounds like you're in a period of flatline which will go away eventually. Does your wife know about the addiction? Being physically intimate while abstaining from sex for awhile might also be beneficial to your recovery, and that will be easier if your wife knows what's up and is willing and able to support you throughout the process.

Yeah, wife is aware of porn past.

Since i last posted, have been intimate with wife using viagra and without. Last 2 times without. Dick not as hard as I would like and didn't last as long but progress nonetheless.

Performance anxiety and lower libido still messing with my head and causing some depression. No porn or masturbation.

Last night wife and I were intimate.

I was aroused (strong) and things were going well up until it came time for penetration. That's when I lost my erection. Was eventually able to get it hard enough to enter her but
... then PE.

Seriously depressed about it this morning. Performance anxiety -- the expectation of and fear of failure, is messing with my head.

I have had prior successes and thought I was on the road to recovery. Have not looked at porn since February and have not masturbated for months.

I hope I will one day just be able to have sex with my wife without worrying about ED.

Just remember that recovery can be extremely non-linear.  If you were experiencing success before you'll experience it again.  Hang in there, it will eventually stick.