29 with PIED - Thoughts, Please?

Hi everyone.

I'm starting a journal on Reboot Nation after several months of being on NoFap Reddit. Just finding that NoFap Reddit is too distracting and full of trolls. Please read my story below. Any insight is appreciated, as I battle what I believe is PIED.

Journal: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9371.0

Backstory:
I'm 29 years old and I started porn and masturbation at age 13. I've watched porn and masturbated daily throughout my life, often multiple times a day. Although my fetishes have never escalated, I've always felt insatiable, bouncing from tab to tab in order to get the best finish.

I had my first sexual experience at age 16, when I still hadn't accumulated that many years of porn and masturbation. We went as far as oral, and I was able to orgasm each and every time. That was the last time I remember enjoying sex.

I noticed ED problems when I lost my virginity at age 21 (my first sexual experience since age 16, with several more years of PMO filling the gap). I met a great girl but was never able to feel sexually satisfied. Oral didn't do much for me, and sexual intercourse felt sensation-less for the few pumps I could muster before going flaccid. This relationship/fling ended after a couple weeks. In the 9 years since, my sexual experiences with real women have all been the same: I find a girl I like; we start to hook up; my penis becomes flaccid right at the moment of vaginal penetration; and I end the relationship because 'evidently' I'm just not that into her.

My ED showed up again in December 2015, so I ended that short relationship, started doing research, and found YourBrainOnPorn. On my first try, I managed to go 68 days without masturbation, but I was looking at porn here and there to quell the urges. Around 40 days, I was feeling new confidence, increased ability to focus on tasks, and overall improved vitality. But on the 68th day, I tried to have sex and STILL had ED. Since then, I've managed a few month long streaks, and I'm pretty reluctant to date now, since I have no idea of when my ED will ever go away. I've started seeing a family/couples therapist who specializes in ED. She has suggested I attend Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, but I'm reluctant to do that.

I've never had difficulty achieving morning erections (I have them almost without fail), but I will admit that spontaneous erections are fewer and fewer these years. I found them increasing during that 68-day streak of no porn/no masturbation.

I'm currently on my fourth consecutive day without porn and masturbation. My therapist wants me to reach 90 days, so that's my goal. I'm going to start a journal in one of the other subsections, and I will link it here.

I just want to have a normal sex life. I'm tired of feeling sexually inadequate and alone because of my ED. Do I have PIED? How will I know I'm recovering, short of having sex and seeing if it works or not and risking more shame?

Thanks to anyone who reads this. Any insight is appreciated.

Hi 8radishes,

I'm in a similar boat. 29, suffering from PIED, and still have my morning wood, though it's not as frequent or long lasting as when I was younger. I noticed my ED a couple years ago and I thought it was performance anxiety. I found some helpful tips online and they worked for some time, especially when I didn't PMO days before having sexual intercourse. Little did I know, I was actually following a mini-reboot to alleviate my ED. Nonetheless, I would return to porn when I had long stretches without sex or coping with the stresses of my job. I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday and I feel like I wasted a huge chunk of my precious 20s staring at a screen for comfort. But that's the past. At least we're trying to improve ourselves now versus later. You are making positive steps seeking therapy, identifying the problem, and actually doing something about it. You are neither alone nor wrong in trying to improve yourself. All things considered, rebooting ain't easy but it is a long-term investment to realizing our true potential as men.

Best wishes my friend,
Kwon

Kwon5 said:

I'm in a similar boat. 29, suffering from PIED, and still have my morning wood, though it's not as frequent or long lasting as when I was younger. I noticed my ED a couple years ago and I thought it was performance anxiety. I found some helpful tips online and they worked for some time, especially when I didn't PMO days before having sexual intercourse. Little did I know, I was actually following a mini-reboot to alleviate my ED. Nonetheless, I would return to porn when I had long stretches without sex or coping with the stresses of my job. I'm a few months away from my 30th birthday and I feel like I wasted a huge chunk of my precious 20s staring at a screen for comfort. But that's the past. At least we're trying to improve ourselves now versus later. You are making positive steps seeking therapy, identifying the problem, and actually doing something about it. You are neither alone nor wrong in trying to improve yourself. All things considered, rebooting ain't easy but it is a long-term investment to realizing our true potential as men.

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Hi, Kwon. Thanks for the feedback. I'm turning 30 in August, so I'm hoping to be closer to recovery by then.

It sounds like your recovery times are quicker than mine. Have you identified any indicators that your erectile health is improving? Without dating, I'm not really sure what to look for - but it would really help to see some sign of improvement. I'm reluctant to date right now, since I had another shameful ED moment after my longest streak of 68 days without masturbation earlier this year.

We're not far apart in birthdays. I'm a September baby (yea Virgos!).

Thus far, I've had morning wood every day and I have periodic erections throughout the day. It is nowhere near as frequent as during my first couple of weeks in my reboot. I  also don't have the same urges to view porn. Earlier, I would have curious thoughts like "Hmm, I wonder if Zibmusr released a new video on Xtube" or "I wonder if TimTales has something new online." I had to be very careful when I was online just in case I got the urge to actually visit these websites.

I first M-O'd 10 days into my reboot. It was in the morning and I was alone in my home (my danger zone). I remember I was congratulating myself for having gone 10 days without touching myself before I started touching myself. No porn fantasy, just the physical sensation of my hands got me to O. Usually I had to think about or view porn to get off. The reboot and practicing guided meditations (http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22) helped me get to the place where I could calm my mind of any porn-related thoughts before reaching O.

One of the strongest physical indications I've seen has been my response to oral sex. It used to take +30 minutes to reach O, if it even occurred. However this past weekend I noticed a change. I was receiving oral sex from my partner and I was able to reach O in relatively short time. I had my eyes wide open, I was completely mindful of the moment, and it worked. I haven't progressed to penetrative sex yet; I'm taking things slow. When I am ready for that level of intimacy, I imagine spending time creating a romantic experience (light some candles, have extended foreplay, and disclaim to my partner that I'll likely lose an erection but I will make sure my partner's needs are met). I don't want to psyche myself out of an enjoyable experience so warning my partner ahead of time would relieve some of the stress. It helped me in the past and it may help you. 

Hey guys, I'm 43 and have had some form of PIED or performance anxiety since I can remember. I have had a few relationships here the sex was pretty good and erections were hard and lasting but seriously there were not that many, maybe two. About three years ago I had come to think that my porn use was a problem although I did not know about PIED. I had googled impotence causes but never made the link. Around that time I met a wonderful woman and when I talked about not watching porn anymore after we started dating she said why not.... I took this as a free pass and continued watching and PMOing in secret with de stating affects. Sex wasn't great but we got along pretty good and had lots of fun together. We were engaged for a year but my porn use and PIeD got worse to a point where sex was very difficult even with Viagra. Eventually she left me for another guy. In retrospect, I only fooled myself and when she left took a real good look at my porn use. Mostly because I never had to deal with pons hurt feelings.

Today I have a understanding therapist and a new gf who I have been 100% honest with. She is very supportive even though we have only had successfull intercourse once in just over 2 months. I do feel mor confident and less socially anxious. Our intimacy is out of this world and I really enjoy pleasing her in other ways. 8 radishes I recome d dating and just getting honest. The fear of being found out will only make the ED worse.

I experiNce very similar issues like when we make out and kiss I'm hard as a rock but the mom's t my pants come down so does my dick. I trust the process. I think there are so many factors that can affect ED that we just have to be open and honest and most of all... Patient!

Here's hoping you guys recover 10 years sooner than I did! Had I known being honest with the right woman would turn her on so much I would have done so a loooong time ago. Fuck that fear. It's bullshit. Be aware of it and look it straight in the eye. Tell the fear to fuck right off and get honest. Don't avoid dating any longer. You need to experiNce partnership at its best!

Cheers

RecoveryJunkie said:

Hey guys, I'm 43 and have had some form of PIED or performance anxiety since I can remember. I have had a few relationships here the sex was pretty good and erections were hard and lasting but seriously there were not that many, maybe two. About three years ago I had come to think that my porn use was a problem although I did not know about PIED. I had googled impotence causes but never made the link. Around that time I met a wonderful woman and when I talked about not watching porn anymore after we started dating she said why not.... I took this as a free pass and continued watching and PMOing in secret with de stating affects. Sex wasn't great but we got along pretty good and had lots of fun together. We were engaged for a year but my porn use and PIeD got worse to a point where sex was very difficult even with Viagra. Eventually she left me for another guy. In retrospect, I only fooled myself and when she left took a real good look at my porn use. Mostly because I never had to deal with pons hurt feelings.

Today I have a understanding therapist and a new gf who I have been 100% honest with. She is very supportive even though we have only had successfull intercourse once in just over 2 months. I do feel mor confident and less socially anxious. Our intimacy is out of this world and I really enjoy pleasing her in other ways. 8 radishes I recome d dating and just getting honest. The fear of being found out will only make the ED worse.

I experiNce very similar issues like when we make out and kiss I'm hard as a rock but the mom's t my pants come down so does my dick. I trust the process. I think there are so many factors that can affect ED that we just have to be open and honest and most of all... Patient!

Here's hoping you guys recover 10 years sooner than I did! Had I known being honest with the right woman would turn her on so much I would have done so a loooong time ago. Fuck that fear. It's bullshit. Be aware of it and look it straight in the eye. Tell the fear to fuck right off and get honest. Don't avoid dating any longer. You need to experiNce partnership at its best!

Cheers

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Hi. Thanks for sharing your story and encouragement. I'd really like to date, but man...it's tough. My ED always makes me lose interest in the girls I date. My brain basically has an instinctual response of repulsion to my dates whenever I try to get it up but cannot. I lose interest fast. Cuz it's like...hang out with you but don't get sexual? That's what my friends are for. I've been unable to break this mindset.

I know bro. I did that for over 20 years. If you find someone you do like don't let that reworded brain screw it up. For me I think it was embarrassment or like I'm outta here before you are... Subconsciously Id bail before they did. Maybe just keep rebooting for awhile and see what happens. Hopefully, that mindset will change as your brain does too. I just finding it helpful to rewrite to real.

I agree with RecoveryJunkie, maybe through the reboot, you will also evolve into a different attraction and want for the women you like. Instead of approaching each date as an opportunity for sex, it could be a chance to build a social connection with her. And, it making friends with the opposite wouldn't hurt either. However, if I was in your shoes, I would focus on rebooting myself and, if an opportunity presents itself, explore it. Otherwise, I wouldn't focus on a mate yet.

RecoveryJunkie said:

I know bro. I did that for over 20 years. If you find someone you do like don't let that reworded brain screw it up. For me I think it was embarrassment or like I'm outta here before you are... Subconsciously Id bail before they did. Maybe just keep rebooting for awhile and see what happens. Hopefully, that mindset will change as your brain does too. I just finding it helpful to rewrite to real.

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Thanks for your comments!

Kwon5 said:

I agree with RecoveryJunkie, maybe through the reboot, you will also evolve into a different attraction and want for the women you like. Instead of approaching each date as an opportunity for sex, it could be a chance to build a social connection with her. And, it making friends with the opposite wouldn't hurt either. However, if I was in your shoes, I would focus on rebooting myself and, if an opportunity presents itself, explore it. Otherwise, I wouldn't focus on a mate yet.

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Yes, if I was to meet someone in person, I'd consider it. The online dating option, despite its convenience, probably poses more of a rewiring threat than anything though. The experience of browsing women on there is too much like browsing porn. Thanks for your comment.