Joe_Reynolds
New Member
I'm a 15 year old guy (almost 16), which makes this extremely weird for me to be posting since I'm so young, but after reading about the damaging effects that porn has on the brains and bodies of individuals who abuse it, I started to realize that I am myself an addict. It's an extremely disheartening realization for a person of any age to make, but especially since I'm so young it hurts even worse.
For a little backstory, when I was a young kid (elementary school/part of middle school), I was a very insecure person. I wasnt necessarily "bullied" that much, and I honestly have to say I quite enjoyed my elementary school days, but I did have a little bit of a weight issue in elementary school. I was never a very popular person but I had enough friends for me to be happy. I was very creative and fun to be around, and I was always very focused on getting good grades and and going to college to be an engineer or something like that. I also have a twin brother (fraternal), and even though he had more friends than me when we were kids and even to this day, it didnt bother me that much back then because I didn't put much thought into it. It was around 5th grade when I first found out about Internet porn. All I was thinking about around this time were these 2 cute girls who lived down the road from me, and me and my friends would talk about who we thought was cuter, or who we'd want to kiss more, childish things like that. These thoughts made me look up boobs on the Internet out of curiosity, and I remember the first time I saw naked boobs I was so excited I literally peed myself and had to change my pants. I ended up watching porn a lot from then, all the way through middle school and now into high school. And it's always been without a doubt straight or lesbian porn, there was never any doubts or thoughts about doubts of my sexuality from 5th grade all the way up until 10th grade (now). I also changed quite a lot as a person as I grew up. I realized I didn't care much about money or school anymore, I don't want to be an engineer anymore, I want to be an artist, and I'm pretty much apathetic overall. To be honest, I'm much happier being who I am now than I was as a kid because I am finally thinking for myself and realizing that I have a choice about what I want to be in my future, that no one can tell me what to care about or be besides me.
Now that the backstory is out of the way, I can begin talking about my porn addiction. As I said before, ever since I was a kid I was always into girls,when I first started watching porn it was always straight or lesbian, and no matter how much I watched, it never interfered with my life or caused any problems for me whatsoever. However, these past 5-6 months, I've noticed my porn addiction had been taking me into waters I never wanted to tread. I'm constantly depressed and I have anxiety issues that my parents refuse to acknowledge,so whereas I used to turn to art or music to help me with these issues, I now turn to porn. I'm still interested to some extent in music, but I've lost all motivation to do art. I have no motivation for life at all. I have fewer friends now than I've ever had before, and even the friends I have now aren't close to me. I can be talking to a friend of mine and be "cut off" by another person, completely getting butted out of the conversation. I've never had a girlfriend in my entire life and these past few years (especially being in high school), it's been bothering me. I want a beautiful and amazing girl to be there for me, to hold and embrace when I'm feeling down, a girl I can vent to, who will listen and understand me. I want to kiss and cuddle and feel loved and wanted and genuinely cared about, I don't even want sex. My brother I mentioned earlier had turned out quite the opposite. He's in fantastic shape, runs cross country and track, is pretty damn handesome, has had plenty of girlfriends, and is always happy. He has plenty of friends and his life is great. As for me, I'm out of shape, alone, unmotivated, am lacking libido, true friendships, I'm boring, and I'm addicted to porn.
Back to my porn addiction though. As I've expressed quite a few times already, I've always been straight, but these past few months, my porn addiction hasn't made me quite sure about my sexuality now. I can't really get hard to girls now so I've resorted to futanri porn. I tried to stop it about 2 weeks ago but the urge was too strong and I had to check it out again. I feel like shit for going back. It's affecting my real life. Girls don't excite me anymore, and while guys don't either, they make me feel more turned on than girls do now, and it's disgusting to me. I've been more
depressed than usual, more anxious than usual, more apathetic than usual, more disconnected from life than usual, and now I have to worry about things as stupid as sexuality and porn because I ruined my brain with excessive porn viewing just out of boredom.
I want to work out and get huge, start doing art again, enjoy life, get a girlfriend and just be happy, but with my porn addiction creating fetishes and sexually doubts that I don't want, I can't focus on my life anymore. I need a reboot. Help?
Thanks for reading btw, if you made it this far I hope you can help me with my situation, and if not have a good day
For a little backstory, when I was a young kid (elementary school/part of middle school), I was a very insecure person. I wasnt necessarily "bullied" that much, and I honestly have to say I quite enjoyed my elementary school days, but I did have a little bit of a weight issue in elementary school. I was never a very popular person but I had enough friends for me to be happy. I was very creative and fun to be around, and I was always very focused on getting good grades and and going to college to be an engineer or something like that. I also have a twin brother (fraternal), and even though he had more friends than me when we were kids and even to this day, it didnt bother me that much back then because I didn't put much thought into it. It was around 5th grade when I first found out about Internet porn. All I was thinking about around this time were these 2 cute girls who lived down the road from me, and me and my friends would talk about who we thought was cuter, or who we'd want to kiss more, childish things like that. These thoughts made me look up boobs on the Internet out of curiosity, and I remember the first time I saw naked boobs I was so excited I literally peed myself and had to change my pants. I ended up watching porn a lot from then, all the way through middle school and now into high school. And it's always been without a doubt straight or lesbian porn, there was never any doubts or thoughts about doubts of my sexuality from 5th grade all the way up until 10th grade (now). I also changed quite a lot as a person as I grew up. I realized I didn't care much about money or school anymore, I don't want to be an engineer anymore, I want to be an artist, and I'm pretty much apathetic overall. To be honest, I'm much happier being who I am now than I was as a kid because I am finally thinking for myself and realizing that I have a choice about what I want to be in my future, that no one can tell me what to care about or be besides me.
Now that the backstory is out of the way, I can begin talking about my porn addiction. As I said before, ever since I was a kid I was always into girls,when I first started watching porn it was always straight or lesbian, and no matter how much I watched, it never interfered with my life or caused any problems for me whatsoever. However, these past 5-6 months, I've noticed my porn addiction had been taking me into waters I never wanted to tread. I'm constantly depressed and I have anxiety issues that my parents refuse to acknowledge,so whereas I used to turn to art or music to help me with these issues, I now turn to porn. I'm still interested to some extent in music, but I've lost all motivation to do art. I have no motivation for life at all. I have fewer friends now than I've ever had before, and even the friends I have now aren't close to me. I can be talking to a friend of mine and be "cut off" by another person, completely getting butted out of the conversation. I've never had a girlfriend in my entire life and these past few years (especially being in high school), it's been bothering me. I want a beautiful and amazing girl to be there for me, to hold and embrace when I'm feeling down, a girl I can vent to, who will listen and understand me. I want to kiss and cuddle and feel loved and wanted and genuinely cared about, I don't even want sex. My brother I mentioned earlier had turned out quite the opposite. He's in fantastic shape, runs cross country and track, is pretty damn handesome, has had plenty of girlfriends, and is always happy. He has plenty of friends and his life is great. As for me, I'm out of shape, alone, unmotivated, am lacking libido, true friendships, I'm boring, and I'm addicted to porn.
Back to my porn addiction though. As I've expressed quite a few times already, I've always been straight, but these past few months, my porn addiction hasn't made me quite sure about my sexuality now. I can't really get hard to girls now so I've resorted to futanri porn. I tried to stop it about 2 weeks ago but the urge was too strong and I had to check it out again. I feel like shit for going back. It's affecting my real life. Girls don't excite me anymore, and while guys don't either, they make me feel more turned on than girls do now, and it's disgusting to me. I've been more
depressed than usual, more anxious than usual, more apathetic than usual, more disconnected from life than usual, and now I have to worry about things as stupid as sexuality and porn because I ruined my brain with excessive porn viewing just out of boredom.
I want to work out and get huge, start doing art again, enjoy life, get a girlfriend and just be happy, but with my porn addiction creating fetishes and sexually doubts that I don't want, I can't focus on my life anymore. I need a reboot. Help?
Thanks for reading btw, if you made it this far I hope you can help me with my situation, and if not have a good day
