Ontrack Man
Active Member
Hi everyone! ! I used to read and post here three years ago, when I realised I was addicted to porn and had PIED.
I am much MUCH better now, still struggle some but I think there are a lot of posts for people starting off, looking for information, with basic questions . But after a while... where do we go from there? So I wanted to share the techniques I use now to help me with urges, I never really reached 90 days clean, even though I've tried hundreds of times in these last years... but I think I don't need to now.
So this is what my strategy has been like lately:
- following the ideas from a TED talk I liked, I do the "I'm having a thought" exercise, being aware that I have urges, then being aware that I have the thought of being aware, thus distancing myself from the urge. If I need to I write it down (I'll post the video below).
- if I'm on the computer and that doesn't work, because I'm edging and I feeling stressed/lonely/sad for whatever reason, trapped in the edging fight ("orgasm or stop") my rule is simply "go do anything else in another room", then come back. I go to the kitchen and wash some dishes, or pick up my room or take a shower...anything. It helps me take distance and then I go back to the computer with a different mindset, realising how dumb it is for me to edge.
-Sometimes the urge to feel arousal, erection and sexual pleasure is too much, but I acknowledge it as part of me, so I lay on the couch or bed and try to masturbate, with no screens, just my imagination. It helps me know myself better, develop my own fantasies with real people, and realise if I really want to do it of stop. But I allow myself to have these sexual feelings, at least for now I'm not in a place to fully control them.
Most of the time I start and after a while I go limp and find out that I really don't want to continue, so I stop. (I don't force myself, neither to feel horny nor to not feel aroused if I really am. I just don't use porn, on a screen or in my mind).
Doing this only once I have wanted to continue until orgasm, and from start to finish I only used my imagination so it felt natural and good.
I feel so much more in control now, and healthy, and calm, at ease with myself, my urges and my actions. Of course I also develop other healthy habits, like going vegetarian, exercising almost everyday and learning a language. I also created a instant message group with 8 guys from around the around the world and we support each other a lot, so that's been helpful as well.
Throughout this time I've read and learned a lot about P and it's effects, also i'm a professional working in the healthy sexuality field, so feel free to ask me any type of questions on this thread. I'll check it every few days.
My goals now are not to ejaculate if I really don't want to. Even when I'm with a partner. It's to find that connection within myself and sexual partners, to know what my true sexual desires are. I've come a long way, it's time for me to enjoy pleasure get to know and respect my sexuality, without guilt, in a healthy way, living now the goal I want to reach. No P at all, accepting urges, accepting my arousal, accepting my internal fight. But I don't have to wait 3 months of nothing to start with something. As a guy from UK said on our chat: "It's a permanent change we're after, we can chose to feel better now". And I do!
This is the talk that started it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTb3d5cjSFI
Take care, and keep strong on your journey.
I am much MUCH better now, still struggle some but I think there are a lot of posts for people starting off, looking for information, with basic questions . But after a while... where do we go from there? So I wanted to share the techniques I use now to help me with urges, I never really reached 90 days clean, even though I've tried hundreds of times in these last years... but I think I don't need to now.
So this is what my strategy has been like lately:
- following the ideas from a TED talk I liked, I do the "I'm having a thought" exercise, being aware that I have urges, then being aware that I have the thought of being aware, thus distancing myself from the urge. If I need to I write it down (I'll post the video below).
- if I'm on the computer and that doesn't work, because I'm edging and I feeling stressed/lonely/sad for whatever reason, trapped in the edging fight ("orgasm or stop") my rule is simply "go do anything else in another room", then come back. I go to the kitchen and wash some dishes, or pick up my room or take a shower...anything. It helps me take distance and then I go back to the computer with a different mindset, realising how dumb it is for me to edge.
-Sometimes the urge to feel arousal, erection and sexual pleasure is too much, but I acknowledge it as part of me, so I lay on the couch or bed and try to masturbate, with no screens, just my imagination. It helps me know myself better, develop my own fantasies with real people, and realise if I really want to do it of stop. But I allow myself to have these sexual feelings, at least for now I'm not in a place to fully control them.
Most of the time I start and after a while I go limp and find out that I really don't want to continue, so I stop. (I don't force myself, neither to feel horny nor to not feel aroused if I really am. I just don't use porn, on a screen or in my mind).
Doing this only once I have wanted to continue until orgasm, and from start to finish I only used my imagination so it felt natural and good.
I feel so much more in control now, and healthy, and calm, at ease with myself, my urges and my actions. Of course I also develop other healthy habits, like going vegetarian, exercising almost everyday and learning a language. I also created a instant message group with 8 guys from around the around the world and we support each other a lot, so that's been helpful as well.
Throughout this time I've read and learned a lot about P and it's effects, also i'm a professional working in the healthy sexuality field, so feel free to ask me any type of questions on this thread. I'll check it every few days.
My goals now are not to ejaculate if I really don't want to. Even when I'm with a partner. It's to find that connection within myself and sexual partners, to know what my true sexual desires are. I've come a long way, it's time for me to enjoy pleasure get to know and respect my sexuality, without guilt, in a healthy way, living now the goal I want to reach. No P at all, accepting urges, accepting my arousal, accepting my internal fight. But I don't have to wait 3 months of nothing to start with something. As a guy from UK said on our chat: "It's a permanent change we're after, we can chose to feel better now". And I do!
This is the talk that started it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTb3d5cjSFI
Take care, and keep strong on your journey.