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Topics - tempest6523

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Porn Addiction / Having Trouble Sleeping...
« on: April 24, 2015, 12:46:26 AM »
So first, here's a little bit of history on my journey into porn addiction.  I'm almost 33 years old and have been MO since I was 8 or 9.  Being gay and not knowing any other gay guys I naturally turned to images of guys.  It started off, like many others, with underwear ads in catalogs, then it progressed to TV (like MTV's Spring Break), and then to internet porn (once I got internet around the age of 13).  I have MO and PMO practically every day since that time, sometimes multiple times a day.  I discovered edging about 5 years back (I didn't realize it was a thing and only found out the term for it about a year ago).  Most nights I'd find myself edging to porn for up to 4 or 5 hours before finishing and then going to bed.  I would do this 4 or 5 times a week.  For the last year I have been doing that during the day, maybe twice a day, nearly every day.  I enjoyed it a lot and never thought I had an addiction.  Denial can be pretty strong, right?  I've never known what it feels like to be "horny," or if I have been "horny" I haven't realized what it was/is.  My fiance finds it troubling that I don't understand that feeling.  When he's tried to explain it to me, to see if I can recall a time where I felt what he was describing at any time in my past, it sounds so foreign.  I've heard about people getting "horny" in movies, on TV, and in magazines, but never really thought about it myself.  I'd MO or PMO just whenever I was bored or had some time to kill.  Also, I got a PA (Prince Albert piercing) just over a week ago (before I realized I may have PIED), but it has healed up enough to not be bothersome anymore when I sleep or do any activities.  It is still in the healing process, in which I shouldn't have sex for quite a few months, so I figure it'll actually help me through my reboot.  I have never felt an "urge" to watch porn.  I've gone quite a few months without it before with no urges either.  The only time I ever feel the urge to do anything is when I have trouble falling asleep.  I am, for the most part, a very upbeat, easygoing, optimistic guy.  I enjoy life and being around friends, though I am pretty quiet and shy around new people.  I enjoy playing video games and going out on hikes.  I love singing, and have been told I have a beautiful voice, but I lack the confidence to sing in public.  I also suffer from pee shyness, and have been suffering from it since I hit puberty, and I read that it can also be tied to porn addiction.  I'm above average in length and girth so I should have nothing to be ashamed of, but I worry what people will think of me if they hear me pee.  I can't use a urinal unless I'm the only one in the restroom, and even then I have trouble because I worry about someone coming in and seeing/hearing me pee.  I even suffer from this at home if I think my fiance can hear me pee.  It's crazy, I know.  I'm hoping that my lack of confidence is tied to my porn addiction, and that as I recover from it I'll also gain/regain any/all of my lost confidence as well.

So, about a week ago I was looking up why some penis heads are smooth and shiny when erect, whole others aren't.  There are quite a few reasons, but that's when I discovered this site.  I found a post saying that some people find that after they recover from porn addiction their erections can be much harder, causing the skin on the head to be pulled tighter and look smooth/shiny.  Reading that post got me interested in what this site was all about.  I read how porn addiction can cause trouble with real-life sex.  I have, for the past year, had trouble getting and maintaining an erection when I have sex.  I never gave it too much thought before though.  I would find myself having to think about some porn that I had watched in order to finish.  Sometimes it would take me a long time, even if I was finishing myself off.  I had just always figured that I must not have been in the mood.  I read all about some other possible symptoms of porn addiction as well.  That's when I realized that I may be suffering from PIED and that I would most likely benefit from the rebooting process.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand.  Ever since the age of 20, whenever I'd feel restless and have trouble falling asleep (perhaps 2-3 time a week) I used to MO (really quickly) or PMO (for several hours) and then I'd be able to fall asleep easily.  I've been rebooting for the past 5 days and haven't had any trouble...until now.  I'm finding it difficult to fall asleep.  When I'm restless at night I don't think of porn or anything.  I just know, from past experiences, that MO or PMO fixes the issue and allows me to get some rest.  So here I sit, feeling restless and unable to sleep, wondering what to do.  I didn't want to relapse so soon after starting the reboot process, so I came here to write this post.  Any advice you guys could offer would be greatly appreciated.

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