Introduction to change

Hi I?m Paul and for half my life I?ve watched porn. I?m 41 years old now and I now realize it affects way more than I held possible. It started out meaningless but it hasn?t been for many years now. I?m married almost ten years and we have two kids. I?m blessed with my wife who is understanding up till now. She has caught me with my pants down on multiple occasions over the past years. Me watching porn wasn?t the biggest issue, but me lying over it was. It hurts the foundation of our relationship since trust is a main component in my opinion. I?ve tried to take things I my own hand and quit porn. I always relapsed after a few months. Beliefs were always strong at the beginning but faded along the way. I now understand that I can?t do it on my own and I need help. I hope I can find people who can relate to what I?m dealing with because I can?t find them in real life. Also keeping a journal will hopefully keep my beliefs up. I?m in reboot for the 6th day now and I am committed to this journey. I?m in this for so long that it has become a part of me and I wonder how I am without it.

Hi Paul
Glad you're in the forum. My wife found the betrayal and lying in some ways worse than the P. Hope you find ideas to help and support from other guys (like me) who have been addicted for far too many years. All the best for your day by day journey into freedom.

Welcome Pauljoh.

Don't let the challenge get you down ... it is possible to live without porn. Just keep writing here about your feelings and what is in your mind, every day if you want. It is amazing how seeing your own words in print can give you the strength to continue. This is a safe place with a lot of folks just like you so you do not need to hold anything back from yourself here. I know, it worked for me.

Sorry to read about your difficulties, John, but welcome aboard. It's always the lying and the betrayal of trust that does the most damage. You can find your way out of your compulsions though. Good luck and be strong.

Thanks for the encouraging words on my first journal entry. It is my second week of reboot now and my beliefs are still strong. Reading YBOP, and Rebootnation helps me to keep focus on my addiction. I will go for the hard reboot with a 90 day period without PMO. It is all going well but the last two days I feel restless when I see anything that is remotely sexual. I assume that is my brain telling me to chase the dopamine rush like I always did. Anyway for now it is easy to neglect it and carry on. I know I can quit and I have done it several times for a few months and smoking for over two years now. For me the hardest thing will be to remain firm indefenitely. Our society is so visually overwhelming that it just happens in front of us without warning.
Anyway all good for now and up to the third week....

I also have gained a lot of insight and focus from YBOP, especially concerning the brain and dopamine, areas and aspects I had never previously been exposed to much.  Grasping even a basic knowledge in that area is a huge advantage in this battle. 

As for being visually exposed, the seasonal clothing has arrived and, wow, good grief !

It is reasonable to expect the struggles you mentioned and to encounter speed bumps along the way, especially initially.  Anyway, best wishes on the journey and congratulations on making this new commitment.