Author Topic: This Time.  (Read 1286 times)

ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2017, 08:34:42 PM »
After four days I got drunk and didn't care about my goals. Looked at porn twice when I got home. I was depressed for the next day but didn't look at it again.

Now 24 hours have passed, I've realized I need to make sure I don't get drunk again during this process.

So many slip ups come after drinking.

It will also be easier to do the other things that will help - like exercising and meditating - if I don't drink.




ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2017, 04:24:22 AM »
Thick fog of depression after looking again. I had 4 days in a row then 2. My goal is now simple - 7 days in a row with no porn at all. I think when I aim for longer it is too distant. I didn't want to aim for 7 because my record is 1 month, but now I want 1 easier goal. After I get to 7 days I will make a new goal, now my goal is to exercise and meditate every day, take note of triggers and remind myself of how I feel when I give in to temptation. It often happens because I feel depressed and brain foggy, next time I will remind myself that it will make me feel worse in this way, not better.

ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #27 on: April 21, 2017, 04:51:27 AM »
TRIGGERS:

- Alcohol.
- Junk food.
- Tiredness.
- Too much time indoors.
- Negative though patterns.
- "Just this once" thinking.
- Frustration at lack of progress.

SOLUTIONS:

- Don't keep alcohol or junk food in the house.
- Lack of alcohol will lead to better sleep - exercise will also help, so I should combine the two.
- Meditation. Practice noting negative thoughts, coming back to the present.
- Visualize how I feel when I give in to cravings, and how I feel when I don't.
- Remind myself that I can't control the past, but every time I make the right decision in the present I get one step closer to my goal.

My goal is to quit completely. In the last seven days I have looked at porn twice. This is some small progress. This day next week I will be able to say that in the past seven days I haven't looked at porn at all. That will be more progress, which I will use as a stepping stone to the next stage.


ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2017, 04:59:19 AM »
One other trigger is a feeling of shame. Looking at porn is the only activity I am ashamed of. This should motivate me to quit, and it does, but when I feel depressed the shame makes me more likely to give in.

I am working on this through being more present with my thoughts - if I can recognize this is happening I can defuse it. The more I practice reminding myself of the things I have learned the easier it will be.

ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2017, 06:11:51 AM »
Note to future self

I've learned that the best cure for the sort of depressive state that leads to looking at porn is to get outside and take a walk, even for 10 minutes.

What I need to learn from this time is that you have to leave the house the first time you think of it - if you delay, it becomes more difficult. If you just do it, you get the benefit and come back with a new mindstate.

ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #30 on: April 23, 2017, 02:45:23 AM »
Starting day 3, feeling good. The difficult thing is that most of the time I feel no desire to look at porn, so it feels like it will be easy. But all it takes is one minute of not thinking and you are back to the start. Meditation will help with this, and I hope being aware of the problem will too.

ThisTime

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Re: This Time.
« Reply #31 on: April 24, 2017, 09:17:24 AM »
Day 4 now. 3 drinks last night, but I wasn't tempted which is progress. Feel a little tired today so I need to be careful.