This Time.

T

ThisTime

Member
I am sick of looking at porn and want to quit. I have tried to quit lots of times before and it feels like I've broken promises to myself a hundred times, and my record is still only about 2 weeks, so I am going to use this forum and the counter for motivation.

I hate the way looking at porn makes me feel, and it has affected my confidence with girls.

If any "serial quitters" read this and have advice for me I'd be very happy. I often quit for a few days, it feels like its behind me, but it only takes a minute to find my old habits are back. And each time that happens it feels like I can't trust myself, so I never have confidence that I will break my habit.

I am 35 years old, so the habit is about 20 years old. It is scary to just think about that.

 
T

ThisTime

Member
I want to quit totally but I have changed the counter to 15 days, which would be a record. I hope that when I get that far I will be motivated to keep going, ATM I just want a goal that will be easier than 90 lol.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
I feel dumb starting this again, I failed last time. Things were getting better for a while, never quitting totally but stopping for a week many times and cutting back on porn overall. It seemed like I was gradually moving on from looking at it, but lately I've found myself looking at it more, and now I want to stop for good. I'm not sure where I should be trying to quit P on its own or P and M - I've lasted almost a month without P, but not more than a week without M. I have a lot of shame and anxiety about P, when I am feeling good I don't need it but then a bad day comes when I feel anxious or stressed and I end up on the same sites I thought I had quit.

Now I'm happy to be two days in, my goal is to come back here tomorrow and be one step further away from porn.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
4 days. I Feel good so far, a little anxiety but I'm more determined than I've ever been before, I don't want to ever watch porn again. The counter is good motivation, for now I just want to keep posting in this thread once every day as the counter moves forward.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
This time I'm being careful to avoid any fantasizing, which I didn't do the other times. A few people said it was a good thing to avoid, and I know in the past it has triggered me, so I'm being much more careful.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
6 days - good to see the counter over 10%. I've had some bad dreams last night, but I woke up more determined that ever to see this through.
 
Lord Byron

Lord Byron

Active Member
Great going on passing the 10% mark.  One day at a time is the name of the game here.  I am curious about your making mention to bad dreams.  Do you mean this in respect to an ordinary, normal nightmare, or a trigger inducing sexual dream? I only ask because I've had some crazy sexual dreams these past couple of nights, involving women I haven't thought or heard from in years (chiefly from school).  It's really screwed up, what this addiction can do.  I wonder: do those people who are addicted to cycling dream about bikes they once road years ago?  Very odd.  Anyway, keep going, my friend, for you are doing very well indeed!
 
I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

Member
Dude, I know your pain. I too have been trying to quit and relapsing for many many years. I am sick and fed up of the vile images I am stuffing my head with. If you are going to quit, then quit for good and quit forever - that's what I'm doing - I have had enough of doing silly targets such as 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 90 days. And then once you've hit your current "target", then what? You're only going to binge out on the sickest, most disgusting videos and do it about 100 times in a day, as a little treat for yourself because of hitting this superb new "target". I know because that's what I've been doing for the majority of my life, haha.
No!, don't do that, just quit and quit for good this time. You can do it. Every man can. Just find hobbies, techniques and methods to distract yourself. And do not let your eyes take even one little peek at the female form (or male, if that's your thing), because it's the eyes that trigger the behaviour patterns which eventually lead to ejaculation with porn movies. Guard your eyes - What the eyes see, the heart desires. And block sexual thoughts, they too, lead to masturbation
 
T

ThisTime

Member
Lord Byron said:
Great going on passing the 10% mark.  One day at a time is the name of the game here.  I am curious about your making mention to bad dreams.  Do you mean this in respect to an ordinary, normal nightmare, or a trigger inducing sexual dream? I only ask because I've had some crazy sexual dreams these past couple of nights, involving women I haven't thought or heard from in years (chiefly from school).  It's really screwed up, what this addiction can do.  I wonder: do those people who are addicted to cycling dream about bikes they once road years ago?  Very odd.  Anyway, keep going, my friend, for you are doing very well indeed!
Click to expand...

Thanks for the comments. I don't remember my dreams very well after I've gotten up but I remember I had a dream two nights ago where I was watching porn in the dream and was pissed at myself for breaking my progress, I was even justifying my actions with all the bullshit reasons I've used in the past (It doesn't matter if I just do it once when I'm stressed, etcetc) then I was very happy when I woke up and saw that it was just a dream, that was a strange one!!

More often I just wake up and remember that the dream was scary without remembering exactly why.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
I-am-not-a-slave-anymore said:
Dude, I know your pain. I too have been trying to quit and relapsing for many many years. I am sick and fed up of the vile images I am stuffing my head with. If you are going to quit, then quit for good and quit forever - that's what I'm doing - I have had enough of doing silly targets such as 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 90 days. And then once you've hit your current "target", then what? You're only going to binge out on the sickest, most disgusting videos and do it about 100 times in a day, as a little treat for yourself because of hitting this superb new "target". I know because that's what I've been doing for the majority of my life, haha.
No!, don't do that, just quit and quit for good this time. You can do it. Every man can. Just find hobbies, techniques and methods to distract yourself. And do not let your eyes take even one little peek at the female form (or male, if that's your thing), because it's the eyes that trigger the behaviour patterns which eventually lead to ejaculation with porn movies. Guard your eyes - What the eyes see, the heart desires. And block sexual thoughts, they too, lead to masturbation
Click to expand...

Thanks for the post, and good luck with your quitting, I think you have realized some of the same things as me, I hope that knowledge will help us both. I agree about quitting forever, I set the counter to 60 days so that I would have a goal where I could see the % going up every day, good for motivation. Once I reach my goal I will change and set it to 180 days, then 1 year. I agree that stopping any sexual thoughts before they happen is the key to quitting - I didn't think about this enough before, I'm finding it easier so far this time because I don't allow myself to fantasize or daydream, which I know now can lead to porn, not right away but it puts the idea in your head and it will come back later when you have a chance to act on it.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
One week. Feeling good, I know it will be difficult but I am determined to stay on the right path. Yesterday I had some drinks, which has lead to relapses in the past, but this time I prepared myself for it by thinking about that temptation beforehand so that when I came home I was mentally prepared to go straight to bed and not to turn on my computer.
 
I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

Member
Yeah, one week is definately good. It's also one of the hardest stages. After 1 week of not ejaculating, your testosterone levels peak to their highest and stay high for a few days afterwards (or maybe longer - maybe weeks). So with those testosterone levels peaking, I always get super horny and find it hard to get sexual thoughts and memories out of my head. Even the slighets flash of a leg in a TV show will put that first little spark in my brain which keeps burning and reminding me that I need to release the pressure, haha. I usually give in after the 1 or 2 week stage, but the next time that happens I'm just going to go for a long-long-long walk with the dog. 
 
T

ThisTime

Member
8 days. I feel good, but I'm noticing more temptations every day. Also, my jaw is clenched a lot, I don't know why.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
I had a relapse - 10 days in. Since then I've looked at P twice. I'm annoyed at myself but need to focus on learning from what happened. I missed two days of meditation, so when the urges came I found it difficult to just take a deep breath and move on.

As soon as I gave in I felt brain fog, low energy, depression, anxiety, so I have extra motivation now, I hope it will help in future. I'm determined to quit this habit, this is a setback but I'm going to learn from it.
 
I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

Member
Keep going buddy, it's just a little setback, we all get them. Main thing to avoid is letting this setback pull you down and cause you to be unhappy. Next time you will be successful.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
Another relapse. Once I have done it once I think it becomes easier to make excuses, to put aside quitting again until tomorrow. But now I am going to get back on the horse, writing here every day. I have relapsed twice recently but still I watched less porn than if I had not been trying to quit. My goal is to keep posting here until I have beaten this thing for good, but for now my goal is to get to day 2 tomorrow, then day 3 the day after that.
 
I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

I-am-not-a-slave-anymore

Member
Dude! Stop relapsing, you need to be stronger, don't make excuses to relapse and start again writing more repetitive stuff in your journal. I want to see you beat this, and the whole website is supporting us to get there. Have you thought about getting anti-depressants from the doc? For me, they really help keep the urges at bay. One of the side effects of the ones I'm getting is "reduced libido". And I know for sure that if I was not on the meds then I would have binged out a hundred times by now.

Good luck fellow rebooter, hope all is well.
 
T

ThisTime

Member
1 week into a new reboot. More determined than ever, today is the first day I've had any urges but I'm going for a run now to take my mind off it. I feel tired a lot but no other bad effects. More exercise should help.
 
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