Hello, I have a question to ask you about overcoming HOCD. I been a porn addict since middle school. I finally got a girlfriend and we have lots of sex. We've beem off and on. I've been getting so many sexual urgees to stick my penis in anything I see. Ive watched all types of porn including tranny and gay porn.After me and my girlfriend broke up I was depressed and I went on an app called meet me. I was talking to people and this guy offered me a blow job. At first i accepted it but when he came to pick me up I snapped out of my lust for sex and told him I wasnt gay. He understood me and told me we didn't have to do anything just hang out. We started talking about cool things like guys usually do. He then asked me to see my penis. I was scared that he will attack me so i did what he said. I was 18 and skinny at the time. He gave me a bj anyways. I feel disgusted because it and I cummed but I didn't want it. A mouth is a mouth so yeah I admit it felt good but it felt so wrong and nasty I couldnt believe what happened. I went home and showered. I couldnt believe that my porn addiction would escalate like that. It felt so nasty and wrong. I felt rape and I felt like so gay even though I know Im straight I still have these thoughts running in my head. Can you please help me get rid of these gay thoughts. I been straight my whole life and loved girls since I was little. Ever since that incident my life has changed. I already suffered from ocd and now im beginning to have these gay thoughts and stupid urges. I know its normal to find the same sex good looking not in a sexual way but when I do I get this weird ass feeling I dont like. A lot of people say its the hocd and my brain on porn. Like two days ago I was watching a tv show and thought came into my head about me being a woman and having a family with the guy on tv. I got so upset at that. Is it really all this hocd thats doing this? Please give me tips to battle this and let go of my past. All I want to do is move on with my life. Get me a beautiful woman and settle down.
Can porn addiction cause you to have HOCD and sex encounters you regret?
- Thread starter BoBo129
- Start date
Death Trap
Active Member
The claim is often made that straight men can get accustomed to being aroused by gay porn by repeated use of porn (the tendency is to escalate to more extreme stuff, like bondage, transexuals, child porn, etc.). Supposedly just doing the hard reboot can pull people out of this, although I don't know of any actual cases.
You should try abstaining from porn for at least a few months, and see if you still have homosexual thoughts. I have to admit, from your post, it sounds to me like you might be gay--but since I can't enter your head, there's no way of knowing.
You should try abstaining from porn for at least a few months, and see if you still have homosexual thoughts. I have to admit, from your post, it sounds to me like you might be gay--but since I can't enter your head, there's no way of knowing.
Well before I wasnt addicted I never had gay thoughts or feelings. So I know I'm not gay. I do suffer from ocd and I feel like I picked up hocd from porn and the incident. I still get excited from women. I can't help but stare at their bodies but I get upset when these thoughts come in. If I knew I was gay I wouldn't deny it. I wouldn't get anxiety from it and I would only worry about what people would think of me.
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Numez
Guest
yeah you cant be confused about your sexuality. you are either homo, hetero or bi. there is no questioning around it. porn is proven to mess up your brain into needing more extreme stuff to get aroused and for hetero guys, extreme stuff can be homosexual porn. getting aroused by guys in turn can get you confused because we connect arousal with our sexual orientation which can be correct way of looking at it BEFORE you include porn, brain conditioning and escalation in taste cause by massive brain changes due to heavy porn use.
there is plenty of info on this on YBOP, your problem (HOCD) is common among porn addicts.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual
there is plenty of info on this on YBOP, your problem (HOCD) is common among porn addicts.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual
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Numez
Guest
nobody can tell you exactly but i can tell you it will probably take longer than you expect so try to be more than patient with it.BoBo129 said:
here are some stories of people who had HOCD
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual
I've read this on a different website from another guy who did a gay encounter because of porn addiction. He suffers hocd because of the gay sex encounter and this is how someone responded.
"Honestly, I don't think it was the guy-sex that messed you up. I think your challenge is classic escalation, or what addiction experts call "tolerance." Due to your enthusiastic work in overstimulating your brain for years, it is gradually getting desensitized to normal pleasures. It needs more stimulation for you to feel good, so it is constantly driving you to get your jollies...whatever it takes. It doesn't care if you're screwing a cow or a human. It just wants "exciting" sexual stimulation."
Sure, a novel female will getcha goin' for a bit. The thrill of novelty, seduction, etc. gets your dopamine revving for a while. But your overall baseline dopamine response is number than ideal. So you need constant "hits" of dopamine to try to make up the deficit. A long-term connection with one partner will quickly lose its luster...unless you reboot your brain first (by returning it to normal sensitivity to pleasure).
You're not alone. Internet porn is doing this to lots of guys. Sad And here's the thing...you can get away with a lot during your teen years (in terms of overstimulation), so everyone gets unrealistic expectations during those years. This changes as you approach and enter adulthood. Your brain is actually changing such that "thrills" aren't as effortless. To understand this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201110/why-sho...
Once dopamine dysregulation sets in (which is what we're talking about when we say your brain is growing numb to normal pleasures), it can also promote depression...because everything (except pursuing those dopamine hits via novelty, sex, hunting, seduction, porn, etc.) seems duller, grayer than it did when you weren't overstimulating your brain.
If you've watched Gary's videos at YBOP, you know all of this already. If not, definitely watch them. (See right-hand margin) http://yourbrainonporn.com/node
So the question is...what are you willing to do to get well? When you stop any addiction, things often get worse before they get better. Check out the withdrawal symptoms here, just so you know what's entailed. http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.WITHDRAWAL.pdf
If you're willing to go through the hell of withdrawal (no porn, and temporarily no masturbation, no orgasm...except with real partners and assuming it doesn't throw you back into a binge), then you can slowly reverse the desensitization that has occurred in your brain.
The HOCD is just anxiety, which is normal for porn addicts. If you weren't worrying about your gay adventure, you'd worry about something else. Guys who choose to go through the reboot watch their tastes shift back to their earliest tastes...gradually. However, the anxious questioning goes through the roof during the withdrawal stress, so be prepared. What helps? Exercise, mediation, and the Schwartz technique (http://yourbrainonporn.com/schwartz-technique-for-rewiring-compulsions)
"Honestly, I don't think it was the guy-sex that messed you up. I think your challenge is classic escalation, or what addiction experts call "tolerance." Due to your enthusiastic work in overstimulating your brain for years, it is gradually getting desensitized to normal pleasures. It needs more stimulation for you to feel good, so it is constantly driving you to get your jollies...whatever it takes. It doesn't care if you're screwing a cow or a human. It just wants "exciting" sexual stimulation."
Sure, a novel female will getcha goin' for a bit. The thrill of novelty, seduction, etc. gets your dopamine revving for a while. But your overall baseline dopamine response is number than ideal. So you need constant "hits" of dopamine to try to make up the deficit. A long-term connection with one partner will quickly lose its luster...unless you reboot your brain first (by returning it to normal sensitivity to pleasure).
You're not alone. Internet porn is doing this to lots of guys. Sad And here's the thing...you can get away with a lot during your teen years (in terms of overstimulation), so everyone gets unrealistic expectations during those years. This changes as you approach and enter adulthood. Your brain is actually changing such that "thrills" aren't as effortless. To understand this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201110/why-sho...
Once dopamine dysregulation sets in (which is what we're talking about when we say your brain is growing numb to normal pleasures), it can also promote depression...because everything (except pursuing those dopamine hits via novelty, sex, hunting, seduction, porn, etc.) seems duller, grayer than it did when you weren't overstimulating your brain.
If you've watched Gary's videos at YBOP, you know all of this already. If not, definitely watch them. (See right-hand margin) http://yourbrainonporn.com/node
So the question is...what are you willing to do to get well? When you stop any addiction, things often get worse before they get better. Check out the withdrawal symptoms here, just so you know what's entailed. http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.WITHDRAWAL.pdf
If you're willing to go through the hell of withdrawal (no porn, and temporarily no masturbation, no orgasm...except with real partners and assuming it doesn't throw you back into a binge), then you can slowly reverse the desensitization that has occurred in your brain.
The HOCD is just anxiety, which is normal for porn addicts. If you weren't worrying about your gay adventure, you'd worry about something else. Guys who choose to go through the reboot watch their tastes shift back to their earliest tastes...gradually. However, the anxious questioning goes through the roof during the withdrawal stress, so be prepared. What helps? Exercise, mediation, and the Schwartz technique (http://yourbrainonporn.com/schwartz-technique-for-rewiring-compulsions)
Death Trap
Active Member
I think I disagree with Nikola on this one, but this whole notion of HOCD seems so obscure to me. I mean, I can understand how desensitization to mild stuff can lead one to escalate to more extreme stuff to keep dopamine spiked--but how does a straight man get led into homosexual porn (i.e. something that is supposedly counter to their inherent sexual preferences)? I'd be curious to hear from rebooters who've had this experience.
Here's more proof from what another guy said on that website. He goes by TheGeneral.
"Hey man, my story is almost the exact same as yours...I can almost say everything you said word for word. I started off watching porn at a pretty young age, 10 or 11 years. I started off watching straight porn, and then went on to lesbian porn. I must admit back then, it was a rush. I was extremely aroused by lesbian porn. And I loved girls as much as you do. Just like you I started getting bored of lesbian porn and straight porn and began diversifying my tastes....I searched for pretty extreme porn such as beastiality, machine porn, and anything that was novel. I bumped into transexual porn and for some reason it got me off alot quicker. It became even more disturbing as I moved on to gay porn. Soon it took over my life, I couldnt believe it that I was aroused by this garbage. I was so sickened with myself....and even worse I couldnt get it together with straight porn and sex was unexciting for me. The gay porn and tranny porn hijacked my mind and dopamine system and anything extreme and risky was exciting."
"I developed severe HOCD because of this problem, it was so severe sometimes I suffered from delusions with poor insight, which is pretty extreme OCD. I talked to many therpaists but few understood the two intertwined problems with porn addiction and OCD and borderline pyschosis that I was going through. Trust me my friend, you arent gay. Gay people arent like this."
"My suggestion is to cut the porn, let your brain rest. Which I did with marginal success, yet even with the marginal success I find that I get aroused at girls so easily now. And its only been a couple weeks of on and off rebooting. Dont listen to those messages that your brain is telling you to stop. My brain told me same thing, its always this doubt that rebooting wont work. However, it is crucial to ignore those messages. You must continue to reboot. I really suggest that you exercise a lot, and practice the schwartz technique. I guarantee you that by doing these two things you will be able to cut a lot of pain in the future. I know from experience, if you analyze those thoughts they will get stronger and stronger and stronger. You must stop thinking, analyzing. I know it is hard. I cant say that I am 100% successful either, but if you practice it gets easier and the thoughts go away. If you start to get sensations, ignore them, they are HOCD sensations brought on by fear and anxiety. Practice schwartz. Cut the porn. Stop masturbating. Start excising. This is the way to recovery."
"Trust me buddy, you aren't alone, I have been on forums with thousands of pages of people escalating to transexual porn and/or gay porn. And none of them are gay. Good luck man! I know its tough, there will be ups and downs. One last tip, don't ever go on LGBT sites or read anything about LGBT. NO LGBT FORUMS! OR COMING OUT FORUMS! THESE ARE THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE PLACES TO GO WHEN YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM HOCD! Install a internet blocker, block both porn and LGBT sites. I don't mean any offense to LGBT people, but its not the place to go if you are suffering from an illness."
"Now, about your experience, all I can say is that you must forget about it. I imagine it to be extremely traumatizing. But you can't dwell on the past. Its over. It was all fake. It was a combination of anxiety, fear and porn. It isn't you. Good luck and merry christmas!"
"Hey man, my story is almost the exact same as yours...I can almost say everything you said word for word. I started off watching porn at a pretty young age, 10 or 11 years. I started off watching straight porn, and then went on to lesbian porn. I must admit back then, it was a rush. I was extremely aroused by lesbian porn. And I loved girls as much as you do. Just like you I started getting bored of lesbian porn and straight porn and began diversifying my tastes....I searched for pretty extreme porn such as beastiality, machine porn, and anything that was novel. I bumped into transexual porn and for some reason it got me off alot quicker. It became even more disturbing as I moved on to gay porn. Soon it took over my life, I couldnt believe it that I was aroused by this garbage. I was so sickened with myself....and even worse I couldnt get it together with straight porn and sex was unexciting for me. The gay porn and tranny porn hijacked my mind and dopamine system and anything extreme and risky was exciting."
"I developed severe HOCD because of this problem, it was so severe sometimes I suffered from delusions with poor insight, which is pretty extreme OCD. I talked to many therpaists but few understood the two intertwined problems with porn addiction and OCD and borderline pyschosis that I was going through. Trust me my friend, you arent gay. Gay people arent like this."
"My suggestion is to cut the porn, let your brain rest. Which I did with marginal success, yet even with the marginal success I find that I get aroused at girls so easily now. And its only been a couple weeks of on and off rebooting. Dont listen to those messages that your brain is telling you to stop. My brain told me same thing, its always this doubt that rebooting wont work. However, it is crucial to ignore those messages. You must continue to reboot. I really suggest that you exercise a lot, and practice the schwartz technique. I guarantee you that by doing these two things you will be able to cut a lot of pain in the future. I know from experience, if you analyze those thoughts they will get stronger and stronger and stronger. You must stop thinking, analyzing. I know it is hard. I cant say that I am 100% successful either, but if you practice it gets easier and the thoughts go away. If you start to get sensations, ignore them, they are HOCD sensations brought on by fear and anxiety. Practice schwartz. Cut the porn. Stop masturbating. Start excising. This is the way to recovery."
"Trust me buddy, you aren't alone, I have been on forums with thousands of pages of people escalating to transexual porn and/or gay porn. And none of them are gay. Good luck man! I know its tough, there will be ups and downs. One last tip, don't ever go on LGBT sites or read anything about LGBT. NO LGBT FORUMS! OR COMING OUT FORUMS! THESE ARE THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE PLACES TO GO WHEN YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM HOCD! Install a internet blocker, block both porn and LGBT sites. I don't mean any offense to LGBT people, but its not the place to go if you are suffering from an illness."
"Now, about your experience, all I can say is that you must forget about it. I imagine it to be extremely traumatizing. But you can't dwell on the past. Its over. It was all fake. It was a combination of anxiety, fear and porn. It isn't you. Good luck and merry christmas!"
N
Numez
Guest
there is really nothing to disagree or agree, its known thing among porn addicts. listen to gabe deem, gary wilson, noah church etc. also read YBOP a little and you will get it. i encountered many people here like BoBo, its common among porn addicts to develop HOCD or watch gay porn (talking about straight guys). it works other way around too, gay men watching straight sex and even trying something stupid they regret later on.Death Trap said:
just please next time dont tell someone who have HOCD that he might be gay, confirming their fear when its false, confusing them even more. if its your first time its understandable but if you are going to talk to people here, you will come across this subject more than once and just read about it more so you know better next time.
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Numez
Guest
BoBo129 said:
yeah if you are gay why would you feel anxious about it? why would you worry about it? did you ever regret having sex with a girls or being attracted to a girls?
porn is hell of a drug.
Death Trap
Active Member
Oh, I've read a lot about HOCD, but I've always found it totally perplexing. How could one escalate to a type of sexual stimulus that is directly counter to their sexuality? I mean, it makes sense that people could escalate to something like S&M or something, but that isn't directly counter to their innate sexuality. I've not encountered anything to remotely adequately explain this phenomenon.
Even if this is a real phenomenon when it comes to porn addiction, in the case of BoBo129, he's actually taken the step towards initiating a homosexual encounter in real life, and actually went through with it. There's nothing to be ashamed of here, obviously--but how could a putatively straight man find himself in such a situation?
I think there's a good chance that there's some repression going on here, but that's just my observation.
Even if this is a real phenomenon when it comes to porn addiction, in the case of BoBo129, he's actually taken the step towards initiating a homosexual encounter in real life, and actually went through with it. There's nothing to be ashamed of here, obviously--but how could a putatively straight man find himself in such a situation?
I think there's a good chance that there's some repression going on here, but that's just my observation.
I can confirm this. Though I never watched shemale porn, in the last few months before my breakdown/reboot I started fantasizing about visiting a shemale hooker. Never done it, because I find it disgusting at the same time. I am 100% straight, no repression. In all addiction escalation occurs. So this does not really surprise me. When you've seen all pussy in the world - where else can you escalate?
Put it this way... if you are wanting to do sexual things with dudes out of urges... but like you wouldn't want to kiss or hug one in a romantic way... you likely are not gay. I'm straight 100% but my abuse of porn has given me urges to reenact things that do not match my orientation. I never have. Gabe has said the more severe cases have led to people wanting to renact their extreme porn tastes which is not natural.
Here's more proof about it leading to a sexual encounter that people regret.
Submitted by JAS23 on Sun, 2011-12-25 17:05
"Thanks for replying, guys! I really appreciate the support, and I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this. I just can't believe my addiction grew so much that it pushed me to have that sexual encounter, I had no idea it could be so powerful."
"I've been rebooting since early Tuesday, and so far things are okay as far as urges go. The first two days really sucked, I was having urges to watch tranny porn nonstop, but it's calmed down a lot since then. It seems that tranny porn becomes less and less important as the days go by. I dunno, maybe I've just been having a few good days so far, I'm sure there will be some not so good days, though. I hear it's an up and down recovery process."
"See, I really hate my HOCD, because it's a complete mind ****! Take last night, for example. My HOCD was kicking in hardcore, and I was so depressed. Then my girlfriend calls and wants me to come hang out. So I go over there, and for the first 5 minutes or so I'm still depressed, but then I start cuddling with her and kissing her, and my HOCD lessens greatly. I'm not getting full on erections or anything, but I had a chub when I was making out with her in the kitchen, and the other times we kissed and cuddled I had that warm sensation down there in my pants, so obviously I'm straight, haha, and I know this. But I wasn't thinking sexual thoughts, though, it was more of an emotional thing. I haven't had that kind of connection with a girl in a long time, and I like it."
"Then my HOCD will kick in a little bit, like: "Well, you're not checking out her tits or butt everytime you look at her, so that means you're gay." If HOCD were a person, I'd probably kill it, lol. I know I don't check out her or many women at this time because I'm just beginning my rebooting process, but my HOCD doesn't know that, which sucks. It's weird, though, because a few weeks ago I had that two day span of feeling great, checking out women hardcore, thinking sexual thoughts about my girlfriend, and then it went away, and that was before I started rebooting. That weird?"
Submitted by JAS23 on Sun, 2011-12-25 17:05
"Thanks for replying, guys! I really appreciate the support, and I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this. I just can't believe my addiction grew so much that it pushed me to have that sexual encounter, I had no idea it could be so powerful."
"I've been rebooting since early Tuesday, and so far things are okay as far as urges go. The first two days really sucked, I was having urges to watch tranny porn nonstop, but it's calmed down a lot since then. It seems that tranny porn becomes less and less important as the days go by. I dunno, maybe I've just been having a few good days so far, I'm sure there will be some not so good days, though. I hear it's an up and down recovery process."
"See, I really hate my HOCD, because it's a complete mind ****! Take last night, for example. My HOCD was kicking in hardcore, and I was so depressed. Then my girlfriend calls and wants me to come hang out. So I go over there, and for the first 5 minutes or so I'm still depressed, but then I start cuddling with her and kissing her, and my HOCD lessens greatly. I'm not getting full on erections or anything, but I had a chub when I was making out with her in the kitchen, and the other times we kissed and cuddled I had that warm sensation down there in my pants, so obviously I'm straight, haha, and I know this. But I wasn't thinking sexual thoughts, though, it was more of an emotional thing. I haven't had that kind of connection with a girl in a long time, and I like it."
"Then my HOCD will kick in a little bit, like: "Well, you're not checking out her tits or butt everytime you look at her, so that means you're gay." If HOCD were a person, I'd probably kill it, lol. I know I don't check out her or many women at this time because I'm just beginning my rebooting process, but my HOCD doesn't know that, which sucks. It's weird, though, because a few weeks ago I had that two day span of feeling great, checking out women hardcore, thinking sexual thoughts about my girlfriend, and then it went away, and that was before I started rebooting. That weird?"
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Numez
Guest
@Death Trap
obviously not enough. if you are trying to make sense, then how does PIED makes sense? having erection while watching pixels but not having erection with real hot girl? ??? how it makes sense to keep PMOing even though you want to quit ???? if you can make sense of that, you can make sense of escalation in taste to the point beyond your own example. you mentioned escalation to S&M but what happens when you dont get your dopamine hit anymore from that type of porn and you have desire stronger than ever to fill the gap with more novelty? whats beyond that? brain LITERALLY changes, if you looked at scan images its different looking than normal. when you change your brain you are not thinking or acting normally. you should listen or read about it more to understand it better.
you think of porn addiction only in terms of what you personally experienced which is not good when talk to HOCD people because you are suggesting they are deep inside gay but hiding it because its more cool to be straight (or some dumb idea like that). you clearly have not gone as deep as some other people. for every sexual encounter story that you see you can bet that there are 10x more of them out there but people are not going to open up about it because they feel too uncomfortable about it. imagine doing some homo stuff while being straight, how would you feel? would you share it?
ted bundy (famouse serial killer) said in his last interview, day before execution (he was on death row), that he was addicted to pornography and it made him rape and kill children because after some time porn can get you only so far. he also said that during the years in prison, every one of other serial killers that he had chance to hang out with was also deeply involved in pornography. this was during 1970s before high speed internet. i would not be surprised if there is any truth in that. there are always dumb people who read my posts so i feel the need to write one more sentence about this. using porn does not mean you will end up raping and killing people to satisfy your brain changed wicked urges, it does not mean you will try gay sex, it does not mean you will watch gay porn... if you drink and drive it does not mean you will have a car accident... i think that more often than not people dont have car accident when they drink and drive.
i also heard stories where people lost jobs and ruined their careers because they were caught watching child pornography.. if you continue heavy porn use, your taste will escalate and who knows what can turn you on next. its going to be more anxious, more fearful and morally wrong porn type that is for sure.
obviously not enough. if you are trying to make sense, then how does PIED makes sense? having erection while watching pixels but not having erection with real hot girl? ??? how it makes sense to keep PMOing even though you want to quit ???? if you can make sense of that, you can make sense of escalation in taste to the point beyond your own example. you mentioned escalation to S&M but what happens when you dont get your dopamine hit anymore from that type of porn and you have desire stronger than ever to fill the gap with more novelty? whats beyond that? brain LITERALLY changes, if you looked at scan images its different looking than normal. when you change your brain you are not thinking or acting normally. you should listen or read about it more to understand it better.
you think of porn addiction only in terms of what you personally experienced which is not good when talk to HOCD people because you are suggesting they are deep inside gay but hiding it because its more cool to be straight (or some dumb idea like that). you clearly have not gone as deep as some other people. for every sexual encounter story that you see you can bet that there are 10x more of them out there but people are not going to open up about it because they feel too uncomfortable about it. imagine doing some homo stuff while being straight, how would you feel? would you share it?
ted bundy (famouse serial killer) said in his last interview, day before execution (he was on death row), that he was addicted to pornography and it made him rape and kill children because after some time porn can get you only so far. he also said that during the years in prison, every one of other serial killers that he had chance to hang out with was also deeply involved in pornography. this was during 1970s before high speed internet. i would not be surprised if there is any truth in that. there are always dumb people who read my posts so i feel the need to write one more sentence about this. using porn does not mean you will end up raping and killing people to satisfy your brain changed wicked urges, it does not mean you will try gay sex, it does not mean you will watch gay porn... if you drink and drive it does not mean you will have a car accident... i think that more often than not people dont have car accident when they drink and drive.
i also heard stories where people lost jobs and ruined their careers because they were caught watching child pornography.. if you continue heavy porn use, your taste will escalate and who knows what can turn you on next. its going to be more anxious, more fearful and morally wrong porn type that is for sure.