Author Topic: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free  (Read 2024 times)

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #125 on: April 20, 2017, 10:04:11 AM »
DAY 67, Thur April 20th, 2017
(67 DAYS PMO)
(48 DAYS MO)
(9 DAYS EDG)
(5 DAYS DR)
(0 DAYS SMOCKING)


Thanks for the advice man, I'll try to follow it.

As for today, still feel like shit, like very big time. So tired, so flatlined, impossible to even think about an erection.
Can't believe how badly I harmed and damaged myself. Feel so depressed these days I just want to sleep.
I will rest today as well, postpone my workout to tomorrow. I still have 2 to go for this week, I'll try to make them anyways.

But overall condition is the worst, I feel very bad. 67 Days, ups and downs, I think I have never been so down since I started.

papa

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #126 on: April 21, 2017, 05:34:07 AM »
9 days EDG means what?  What is EDG?

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #127 on: April 21, 2017, 05:36:21 AM »
DAY 68, Fri April 21st, 2017
(68 DAYS PMO)
(49 DAYS MO)
(10 DAYS EDG)
(6 DAYS DR)
(0 DAYS SMOCKING)


Still going through a very intense flatline phase combined (or due to) burnout feeling because of the too much intense workout.
I guess they might be going hand in hand.
I also feel pretty depressed these days, probably because of the frustration of living such a shitty phase of my life, which has been going on for so many years, and also because I'm feeling very tired and low energy.
This is definitely the worst period of my reboot, some of those days that in the past attempts made me relapse or give up because I was looking for stronger emotions in my brain.

I won't give up this time, I will just take these days easily, with patience, and I will wait for the storm to finish.

The fact that I'm hitting this big flat line around day 70 tells a lot about how much I still need to recover and reboot.

I know I will beat this, this time is the right one and I won't fail. I will complete my reboot and I will definitely come out of this journey completely healed, at all costs.

Peace





believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #128 on: April 24, 2017, 04:15:45 AM »
DAY 71, Sun April 24th, 2017
(71 DAYS PMO)
(52 DAYS MO)
(13 DAYS EDG)
(1 DAYS DR)
(0 DAYS SMOCKING)


Still going through the flatline, it definitely hit me hard this time. I hope it will be over soon.
In the meantime trying to be more social I ended up using drugs and smocking again.
It's so difficult to combine all these things together. I should change life and probably friends too to have anew beginning.
Happy to keep going down the path of avoiding PMO and MO for now, that is definitely the most important thing.

anhaedra

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #129 on: April 24, 2017, 01:29:00 PM »
Hey man, keep it up. I get it, you want to go out because no one likes loneliness. But going out leads to fun and short-term thinking and smoking and drugs. Same here.

There's a middle road, you know? You need to enjoy yourself, cutting out all forms of sex is making that a lot more difficult. But if you go out, and party a little, you also get something in return. Which can also contribute to your reboot and your overall happiness in the end.

Just keep working out every other day, if you do, you can take a lot more in terms of smoking and drugs and loneliness and just life in general. :)
Prying open my third eye.

a_better_tomorrow

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #130 on: April 24, 2017, 11:33:05 PM »
Believe,

It is noble for you to try to eliminate all your bad habits at once.  I think your focus on PMO and MO is the right choice until you have normalized that new behavior into your life.  Then you can go after the next bad habit.

Cheers!

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #131 on: April 25, 2017, 05:34:24 AM »
DAY 72, Tue April 25th, 2017
(72 DAYS PMO)
(53 DAYS MO)
(14 DAYS EDG)


Thanks guys for your words and advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by and write a short message.

That's right it's hard to change all at once; I will def try to focus on these for now, trying to be good in the meanwhile on the others.
These days have been a little blurry: I keep doing my things, but I realize I'm hiding from life, I'm trying to avoid everything because of my lack of libido, my lack of erections, my limp dick and everything that comes with it.
I feel it would be useful for me to be too much social and also I think I kind of want to avoid situations where I can find myself in awkward situations, like women flirting with me and me refusing it.
It's definitely killing me but I need to keep going through this, it will pass: patience, time, believing in the healing process, reboot, my brain rewiring, those are all my allies and I only have to trust them, anything else will just work against me.

I'm frustrated because in the meanwhile time is passing and I'm not basically playing the game, I feel like I'm a professional players in the most beautiful and competitive league, who has the gift to be a great talent but it's always injured, and can't play the game, and in the meanwhile fear and doubts take over him and definitely change his perspective.

I just want to start playing the game again and be the main character of my life.

One day at the time, I must improve and walk towards my reboot and the best version of myself.

The only problem, as all the last attempts, is that this journey is too long, and based on how screwed up I feel, 70 days is nothing for me, I'm pretty sure I need at least an entire year to start feeling better and be totally healed.

Anyways, one step at the time. I'm going through hell but I just need to keep going and come out of it.

Peace

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #132 on: April 26, 2017, 04:53:24 AM »
DAY 73, Wed April 26th, 2017
(73 DAYS PMO)
(54 DAYS MO)
(15 DAYS EDG)


Last night I tested my erections. I have to say that it was pretty responsive and firm. I did it as a test, immediately stopped the edging and didn't O.
As far as for overall libido condition, it's still very low and non responding, so for example in the morning when I wake up the general condition I feel is limp dead dick, no sign of erections no signs of libido.

I have been freaking out a little lately, but this time I have also been trying to take it easy and not over think about it nor over analyze it.
Besides I have scheduled a new workout regime, definitely more balanced, splitting the intense sessions in 2 weeks instead of 1 only and adding easy sessions to get my body the time to rest.

I am starting to try out also a few supplements, which I found on http://truelibido.com/ - made by another member of Reboot Nation which I found in the Success Stories section and which I hope will give me some benefit/help:
- L-Argininine
- ZMA (I have integrated already in the past with Zinc)
- Pine Bark
- Tongkat-ali
- L-Tyrosine
- Vitamin D
- Maca

I will try to circle them over a period of time and see what types of results I can have.

In the meanwhile I keep going through my healthy diet routine, workout routine, sleep well routine, meditation routine - I am sure keep going with the healthy lifestyle will help me out in the long run. I think I'd just need a connection with a woman to speed up this process and make it real, instead of just putting myself on hold and wait for something to happen.

We'll see - for now the important thing for me is to keep going in one direction, even if slowly it's important to keep going.

Peace




anhaedra

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #133 on: April 26, 2017, 10:36:52 AM »
Nothing beats working out as far as boosting your libido goes. If you rest enough in between.

But let me know about those supplements. Zinc and L-arginine have worked for me in the past, but only at first try mostly, so I'm guessing it was a placebo effect.
Prying open my third eye.

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #134 on: April 27, 2017, 03:26:03 AM »
DAY 74, Thur April 27th, 2017
(74 DAYS PMO)
(55 DAYS MO)
(16 DAYS EDG)


Sure man, I'll let you know how it goes. I have started for now with L-Arginine and I need to say that I'm starting feeling something already.

As for my reboot, I feel like completely asexual this period. I don't know how and why flatline is hitting me so hard these days, but I feel like removing all sexual triggers, avoiding to touch myself completely and not dating anyone is just flatlining my sexual impulse. I'm not going to test any other path this time, which is the mistake I have always done in the past, I will just keep going down this path trying to wait for the end of this journey.

I think I'll wait about another month to see how it goes, relaxing as much as possible, sleeping well as much as possible, being in the sun as much as possible, and get another month of reboot before I'll start again seeking for dating: hopefully the contact with a girl will help speed up this recovery process.

Peace

believe

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #135 on: Today at 04:41:50 AM »
DAY 75, Fri April 28th, 2017
(75 DAYS PMO)
(0 DAYS MO) 55Days Max
(0 DAYS EDG)


Yesterday I worked out and then at night I was browsing Instagram, for the first time in a while looking at some hot pics gave me a bowner. I wanted to test my erection so I did masturbate a little, I guess all the pills I'm taking gave me a firm one but also took me to the point where I could handle anymore and I had an orgasm, even though I learned to have an O without coming, basically placing to finger below your testicles.

It was good and bad: somehow showed me some improvements, somehow made me reset my counters, but I'm definitely not living for the counters right now, just trying to understand how I can come out of this fucking hell.

I need some female touch, that's the only way for me to speed up this process and end this period. In the morning anyways I keep feeling so down, and my dick is totally limp and dead, even though I kind of have the feeling that I crave an erection or crave some sex, I feel my penis completely desensitized, and the worst part is that is DAY 75, so still very long journey in front of me.

I'll wait, patience is my ally together with time. I can't give up this time and there is no other way to recover and heal.

Peace

Georgos

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Re: My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free
« Reply #136 on: Today at 05:02:36 AM »
I admire you, they say the most perfect sex is when both partners come at the same time, learning to control orgasm and ejaculation is thus a highly ambitious task, but the benefits can lead to spiritual unity in sex.