My Rebooting Journey - I won't give up until I'm free

Hi guys,

I did tried to reboot many times, and I have even been able to go sober for 6 months or so, getting to the point where I was restored, I had my life and my libido back, but then suddenly screwed up and PMO'ed again for whatever reasons (frustration, boredom, ....) and now I'm here back again, starting the journey from day1.

When rebooted in the past I learned a lot and I took to tie to read and watch videos, which really helps.

Never journaled anyways, so this time I will try this too, with the hope that would give me another tool to fight this evil side of myself.

Anyways: 1 week in. The flatline kicked in right away, I'm already in the dead dick phase, but my brain is screaming and constantly urges me to watch porn or do something that would excite it.
Also, brain fog and lack of concentration are huge, I have been struggling doing my job and keep up with it.

Anyways I made it. 1 week where I rarely touched myself, never O but just couple of times have been edging, which I should avoid, I know, but at least I saw my dick responding a little bit and also had to give my brain a little space.


Entering week 2, I hope I will be able to keep journaling at least once a week, at the beginning of it.

Goal for week2:
- Meditating every morning ( I use HeadSpace) - it helps but I need consistency
- Work out at least 4 times (even just a 30 min run will be helpful)
- Praying everyday for myself and for the goal I want to reach, hopefully being strong enough to go through the withdraws
- Go to a nutritionist and start a diet - It will help my brain rebalance.


It's hard guys, it's hard not having our brain aligned with our body and spirit, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, we just need to be brave and strong to get there. The light will just show us the best version of ourselves and the best part of our lives.

Ask me anything if you want. I'd really love to hear thought of any type from anybody while I go through this again.

Peace

DAY 9

I'm very motivated to reach my goal. Get from 9 to 90 to 900 days this time, one step at the time.
Something that I'm discovering is that everyday, in order to go through the withdraws and the brain fog and other things, you need to be more present. You need to be more aware of your thinking, you need to be more aware of what you are going through and WHY you are going trough something like this, and just remind yourself that only working every day towards that goal will pay off.

So embrace the  journey everyday with motivation and dedication and start re-organizing your life.

For example today I'm gonna start working out again, so I made a weekly plan of work out so that day by day I know what activity to do and track progress, also I started meditating every morning and just started a diet yesterday, trying to eat less meat and way more veggies.

It's again the beginning of a journey, and I'm pretty sure that successful people embrace this journey almost without thinking about it, they just work on something positive and with the right attitude with no fear and without putting to much effort, it's just their life.
For me to get there, I need to stick with this plan for as long as possible, because I need to create a habit, a positive healthy habit that will take me to the best part of myself.

Day 9, still long journey to make - but I'm not focusing on the final results, because I know it will take so many months this time.
I'm only focusing on the journey, and on making myself a better person on a daily basis.
The results and the victory over this situation will come naturally.

Peace

Almost end of DAY 9

Today I felt like shit - I feel very tired all day, Brain fog pretty persistent. Very weird feeling with my penis, it seems dead, very very flaccid like I have something weird between my legs, totally desensitized, feel like crap.

Just realize this is what I have to go through, at the end of this there will be light and will feel back to normal, but I need to work on this and on improving day by day.

There is no other way around.
Patience will be my only ally on this journey.

DAY 10

This morning It's been so difficult to get out of bed, I felt dead in bed like had no energy at all.
Does anyone can tell me if that is something other ppl experience?
This period I have no energy at all, I'm always sleepy and not motivated at all. Doing even the smallest things seems to go up on a mountain.

Another thing I added in the last few days is Eliminating coffee and sugar - hopefully reducing all kind of stimulants will help my body to restore.

DAY 11

Today I fell a little better, a little more energized and a little less brain fog.
I think removing coffee and sugar is also helping my body to recover a little at the time.

It's crazy how in the morning, as soon as I wake up, porn images appear in my head, any type of them: images of scenes I watched or my personal sexual experiences, and the first impulse is the one to masturbate. I really need to be more conscious and present since the first minute I wake up in the morning in order to 1. avoid to masturbate as soon as I wake up 2. to change that, may be as soon as I realize I have those images in my head think about something else or move my attention to my body or other thoughts - as I mentioned yesterday it's extremely important to keep attention to what We are thinking about every moment and move our focus to positive and important things rather than our addiction or similar images/thoughts

Today I'm also committed to hit the gym again. It will be pretty light thing, just a little running for 20/30 min, some light weight, a sauna and then home.

It's important to start feeling better also with my body, it will help me with the brain fog for sure and I will start producing serotonin and all those type of things that help my mood.

Day by day, a step at the time, we just need to remember ourselves to keep going in the same positive right direction. The journey is pretty long but we'll get there one day. We just need to positive and believe about the fact that keep going on the right path will heal our body.

We just all need patience.

Peace

DAY 11 - half day

I found often myself touching my dick even when I'm working - It's like my dick is constantly looking for stimulation.
Be present, avoid to touch myself, be focused on other important aspect of my life is definitely a better approach to win this addiction.

I see myself so much stronger everyday and so much more conscious about what is going on with my life.

I'll get there, I know I will improve day by day and I will also feel more confident to beat this.

DAY 12

Still going strong. Yesterday was a pretty good day, but I know this is just the beginning of the journey.

It's incredible how many times I failed along the way, yesterday I found a journal from 2014, where I was basically promising myself the same results and commitment, too bad I failed along the way so many times.
Anyways I'm not sure this time will be different, but I haven't given up yet and until I'll be here I will keep trying to let the best part of myself come up - and the only way to do that is going through this hell, allowing my body and my brain to reboot and start again from the real version of myself.

I also managed to quit smoking in the last few days: I wasn't an heavy smoker, 1/2 sigarette every day lately.
But this period I just want to avoid my brain to have any type of unhealthy stimulation.
I just want to feel the real person I am again, like I was just born again.

I'm committed to not give up - feel free to join me in this journey

The only problem I still have is brain fog - so difficult still to concentrate.

Peace

This sounds great mate - keep going!

Yeah, I hate the brain fog. I motivate myself by thinking it's something I have to get through to where these things don't happen. relapsing means suffering these pains all the time, then eventually going through all these withdrawals all over again!

Thanks for your message Gazz.

Yes that's exactly the point: whatever the addiction is, a relapse just means allowing yourself to have a very short benefit at the expense of a good healthy life in the long term.

We need to allow ourself to understand that only going through the pain for a limited period (9,90,900 days) we'll be able to enjoy at the fullest the rest of our lives. It only depends from ourselves to decide what type of life we want to live.

I'm still here and I'm still committed to see the best version of myself. It's never too late.

NOTE:

Reading one the SUCCESS STORIES, I take a note about one important thing I learned:

Constant urge to masturbate  Some of you reading this are still thinking, "Crap he said Do Hardmode".  Yep hard mode guys, I think it's a good idea.  You've been abusing PMO for quite some time now and your body needs time to relax, regroup, and renew.  Use Hardmode to get yourself into a mental and physical state in which you can successfully change your perspective on sex/porn and everything that is attached to it (which you'll realize is a TON of things).  So how to fight the urge to masturbate?  Well I think that'll be different for everyone.  You need to find your reasoning for watching porn, then eliminate that reasoning... For example: For me when I became bored I would use porn to fill up my time, instead I worked hard to replace that habit with more healthy habits such as going to workout, reading books, and hanging out with my friends more often.  This really eliminated many of my opportunities to watch porn, which made it SO much easier to avoid.  So yeah, find your reasoning for going to porn and eliminate them!  Also, take cold showers when you get REALLY horny  IT really does help disperse that NEED to release feeling.  Cold showers suck, but you'll eventually grow to like them.  It's crazy!  I think two reasons, 1) All your muscles feel relaxed after the shower, helps with soreness 2)  Shortly after starting cold showers, you almost instantly see how they positively help your reboot.  Those are the two best methods I know to avoid masturbation.  Wet dreams are OK, as they are your bodies natural process occurring on auto pilot.

Takeaways:
- Urges will be there, all the time. Just learn how to deal with them. Keep your mind busy replacing the habit to masturbate, read books, go out for walks, hang out with friends, TAKE COLD SHOWERS!
- Do hardmode: No stimulation, no edging, no fucking M, no MO. Just allow your brain and body to restore and reboot

DAY 13

Today I woke up late and I feel like shit. I am realizing that I kind of have morning depression, like no energy in the morning, no motivation to wake up even if I have stuff to do, big brain fog during the morning, anyways different sympthoms that makes me feel like shit during morning and it's very difficult to wake up and get out of bed.

This morning I also kind of Masturbate, but I wasn't even half way hard, I guess realizing that doesn't even help anyways with my mood.

I don't understand why I feel so much like shit if I went to bed around 1 and didn't even go out, drink or anything.

I will make it through hopefully safe

NOTES FROM SUCCESS STORIES /2

Weeks 1-3
==Feeling down and unmotivated
==Lifeless dick
==Depression
==Mood swings


Weeks 4-7
==Improvements every week
==No more mood swings
==My boy started to respond to touch of girls

Weeks 8-11
==I could get hard just from kissing

What I did:
==Mediation
==Exercise
==Reading
==Going out, meeting people

Mindsets:
==Only keep thoughts that help you, eliminate those that don't
==Make a strong decision to stop
==Change focus from eliminating the problem to living a good healthy life
==Forming that Intent to change something is the hardest part. If you do that, the rest flows easily.

What I didn't do:
I didn't bitch about how hard it is, how I am not making progress, how I will never be cured
I didn't relapse
I didn't measure my progress by morning wood, spontaneous erections etc

Day 77: Had sex.
==First time I came as soon as I felt I was inside.
==Got hard again 10 min after. Fucked her for about 2 hours. No PE, no DE, no ED. Got up and stayed there.
==I came exactly when I wanted. Stayed hard for about 30 sec after that.
==30 min after that session I got hard again just from kissing.
==All the fetishes are gone

I can only say reboot works.

Stick to the rules.

Don't bitch about how hard it is.

Get busy, start doing something you love.

Organize your day so you don't have time to think about your problem.

Don't focus on solving the problem. Focus on living a good healthy life.

Problem will than take care of it self.


TAKEAWAYS

- first 1-4 weeks are very hard. mood swings, depression, demotivation will appear. deal with it
- week 4-7 good enough timing (also based on my experience) to start feeling better, not brain fog anymore, more confidence
- Change focus, make a big decision to stop. Focus on the benefit you will have once solved this problem

DAY 14

Still brain fog. Feel a little better today. It's sunny outside and I'd love to take advantage of it.
I feel like I have brain fatigue, I'm very slow and very tired all the time, wondering if that is an effect of the brain reboot.
It's 2 weeks in, again from the beginning, trying to constantly check in with myself and with my general condition.

Tomorrow starts Week 3 and I really want to start looking behind me all the time to understand where I am at and what is the improvement I got together.

DAY 14 - NOTES

L-tyrosine precursor to dopamine, will restore dopamine levels
L-tryptophan precusor to serotonin, will restore serotonin levels
Arginine precursor to nitric oxide, will increase blood flow, vascularity too

Change is a personal choice and I need to change [what you need to change]
Change is possible and I can change [what you need to change]
Change pays off and I am rewarded with [your amazing life after change]
Repeat these statements with real enthusiasm and excitement, energy, making a fist, imagining the life that awaits you.

After many tests for quite a long time, I will tell you the best way to visualize:

First, take your time. Don?t do it half-assedly while the rice is cooking. It doesn?t matter if you are relaxed at home or on the bus. But visualize in a time frame when you will not be bothered and you can get carried away by the thought.
The first part of the visualization is the most It consists in remembering the events that led you to your current situation. E.g. visualize you are alone with your computer, downloading porn, talking about it with others, looking for the name of this actress, masturbating, saying no to going out with your friends, making excuses to approach that girl you like, hiding when you almost get caught, the moment you saw that you can?t get it up? Isn?t it uncomfortable just to read it? Contrary to what is often said about visualizing the life you want, this part is actually the most important to recover! I found it contradictory at first, but has been proven in experiments with people visualizing this vs. the future they want.
The second part consists in visualizing your future life. Imagine yourself fit, hanging out with beautiful girls that like you and you like, enjoying your natural erections (but again, don?t imagine porn scenes!), working focused, earning more money, confident, having a great time with good friends. Visualize concrete situations even though they haven?t happened. As days go by, you?ll begin to feel some emotion arising from it. For example, if you visualize a party, having a great time with friends, meeting people, talking to girls, the feelings are expected to be positive. Let that emotion grow and permeate your existence until you behave more on the new vibe than the old one.
Spend your least 20 minutes visualizing each day. You can do it all-at-once or in many times during the day.

DAY 15

Entering week 3.
Today I feel definitely better. More focused, more motivated and started feeling a little bit my libido back.
In this 2 weeks what I really learned is that in this phase is VERY VERY important not to have any type of masturbation activity.
It's important to avoid M, edging and fantasizing in general.
I feel such a huge difference psychologically and also with my dick (I lose the "dead" feeling) when I don't masturbate or touch myself at all.

Anyways, excited to be entering Week 3, I'm sure it will bring good results.

Things to remind:
- no edging, no masturbation (don't even start with it)
- stay present, focused and understand what you are thinking about and where your mind is going
- there is light at the end of the tunnel, it depends on us how long it can take to get there

Peace

Great stuff mate. Love the journaling and those Success Stories motivators

I feel like I have brain fatigue, I'm very slow and very tired all the time, wondering if that is an effect of the brain reboot.

In my experience, it definitely is. We're taking away a (adult)life long crutch, relaxation technique, mood balancer. PMO'ing revs up your energy then leaves you depleted. I always used P when I was exhausted because it took away that really-tired feeling (then handed it right back...). So your energy levels are also rebooting.

Well done on 2 weeks!

DAY 16 - FEBRUARY 28th, 2017

Thanks gazz for your nice words and for your message. It's important sometimes to get some feedback and encouragement

Anyways: I start feeling more motivated than usual. This morning I also got a wood when I got up, which means, as also mentioned yesterday, that avoiding completely to touch ourselves and avoiding masturbation completely will bring results.

At this point, I think we all know the recipes and the ingredients, it's just a matter of motivation right now to get shit done.

Everyday I watch a motivational video, I think you guys should do the same.
Everyday just remind yourself that life is 1 and it's our choice to live a fulfilling one or an easy one, the righe one or the easy one.
I need to fire up again myself, increase that fire that is life within ourselves and that we'll give us a more fulfilling life than just a normal one.

Then apply the same concept to every aspect of life, and DO NOT FUCKING GIVE UP on frustration for not achieving certain results or for boredom or for whatever else.
There is no giving up anymore, there is no look back anymore, there are JUST GOAL TO REACH and fucking FIGHT EVERYDAY AGAINST OUR DEMONS AND OUR FEARS TO GET THERE.

Hard work over a long period of time will pay, no matter what. It's the compound effect that will change our lives.

TAKEAWAYS:
You must combine a mix of:
- Motivation
- Clear goals in mind
- Patience (time is the only thing that will pay off, there is no over night success)
- Persistance
- Hard work

DON'T CHOOSE the easy path, choose the right one, which in most cases is the difficult one.

I believe I can fucking get out of this situation that is affecting my life and doesn't allow me to evolve and grow as a human being and as I'm supposed to.

I'm great and I have all I need to express myself at my best, it's just my choice to get there.

Day 16 - I'm still very far from my goal, but fuck this time I won't give up until the end, this time I will be stronger that my devil and I'll completely beat the part of me that wants to give up, I will kill it. There is no relapse, there is no touch, there is just the right way to live this life, which is also very simple:

- Eat healthy
- work out
- meditate
- love your friends and family and treat them well (treating them well means also don't fucking masturbate on porn, because it means cheating on them)
- connect with good people
- read book and learn things, knowledge gives us freedom

LET's DO THIS GUYS

Peace

Hey buddy, just reading parts of your journal and it sounds like you're on the track which is pleasing to read.

I also find hard mode the way forward, I've masturbated once in the past three plus months and edged a bit. Both I've found slow things down. It's called hard mode for a reason but the benefits are way more substantial.

See you have a plan and clear goals which is also highly beneficial. Keep it up man.

DAY 16 - Notes and Takeaways

I tried many times to reboot, sometimes I posted here but never really constantly journaled.

JOurnaling every day just gives me a better understanding and consciousness of my problem, what I am going through and reminds me that I don't have to lower my attention and my focus on the problem until it won't be fixed.

Most of my last experiences lasted a few months, even 4/5 months, where I think I was still kind of half way, sure a big progress and achievement, but the GAME WASN'T OVER! Which means, I lost attention and focus when the game wasn't over yet, and I lost.

This time, journaling everyday, I'm just analyzing myself on a daily basis, how I feel, how motivated I am, I remember myself that I'm going through something and committing to something to heal my body and to let my best self to appear and mostly I REMEMBER MY SELF THAT THE GAME ISN'T OVER UNTIL THE END, and if I give up anytime during that time I'm going to lose also this game.

I don't want this: this time I just want to fucking achieve the final goal of rebooting rewiring and heal myself, and my attention will be always there, everyday, every minute.

Peace

How many times have you tried to reboot?