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Messages - solitu

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: solitu's journal
« on: August 12, 2015, 02:14:47 PM »
I failed.
Day 9.

Started watching Instagram photos of a supermodel. Then I edged after watching the pictures for 20 minutes. I didn't want to orgasm, so I went out for a walk in the park, 1 hour long. My balls were hurting. Got back and still was horny. I turned my computer on and the urge was right back. Relapse happened. I jerked off to the those same pictures. After that I came, I was disappointed. She didn't seem that hot anymore. However I wanted to orgasm another time. On google images I looked at a GIF of a man ejaculating on a woman. I came instantly at that image. I get really aroused when I see dicks in and around women. That what porn conditioning has done to me. An hour later I watched 30 seconds of a porn video. Three relapses in 1h30. This is bad.

My addiction might be not as bad as some of you with severe PIED. I still want to get rid of porn. It's now been a year and two months since I realized that watching porn 3 to 5 times a day is too much. After that I still watched porn but frequency went down. But I can't really enjoy it anymore as when I thought it was harmless. I've created this cycle of abstinence and relapse. It seems so fucking huge to completely get rid of porn.

When I see porn after not looking at it for more than a week, I get this immense feeling of lust. It's crazy.

Anyway I've changed my counter settings to include denial of porn substitutes and any masturbation at all.

Thanks for reading.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: Regaining Control of MY Life!
« on: August 11, 2015, 06:34:18 PM »
Hello Zalliek22

Funny that you mention your two cats.  :)
Pets really make a home complete in my opinion.

The tips from etteguere are valid, I also use them.
Here are some extra tips.
* Get a counter. Tracking your progress gives you motivation. ( Just click on any counter you see, and then click "Make a new counter for me!" )
* Add these lines: http://pastebin.com/5H377wRa to your hosts file. This way you can really nip it in the bud.
  The hosts file translates around 10 000 porn site hostnames to your loopback address: 127.0.0.1. Therefore you can't access those sites.
  It helps me a lot because I can't just fire up another browser.
* Really think about the bad consequences of porn, let them sink in. Then think about your happy life without porn. Remember this when an urge comes bubbling up.

Good luck!
 

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: solitu's journal
« on: August 11, 2015, 10:46:49 AM »
Day 8

Came across picture of three fully clothed girls. I got an erection and the violently jerked my dick for about 5 seconds.
It felt too good. After those 5 seconds I shut down my computer immediately. No orgasm.

About an hour afterwards I looked at 10 naked pictures of the same girl, looking for maybe half a minute.

I don't consider it relapse because
* I didn't masturbate with porn
* I didn't orgasm without porn

Am I wrong to not consider this relapse?
I just think that resetting will make me feel worse.

Today I realized that looking at that naked girl is just *wanting*. It will lead to nothing good unless there is a real girl with me.
Even just looking jacks up dopamine and thus induces deltaFosB which changes your brain to want more artificial sexual stimulation.
( Reading up on yourbrainonporn.com and understanding the addiction is a great help )

From now on I will make a greater effort to avoid even the "innocent" stuff.

Visualizing that masturbating will lead to feelings of being alone and defeat really helped me to close my laptop.
Also knowing that my chaser effect is bad helps.

Even just masturbating to cute girls won't make me feel good afterwards.
It will just reinforce feelings of loneliness.

My ultimate goal is to masturbate every 14 days.
Thinking about girls I had sex with or girls I want to have sex with.

I want porn out of my life forever.


Thanks for reading




4
Ages 20-29 / Re: the begining
« on: August 08, 2015, 07:10:12 AM »
Hello Ahmed

Here are some quick tips that help me:

* Do something else immediately when the urges get too strong. Go outside, do 50 pushups, cold shower... Doesn't matter as long as you get your mind off wanting to relapse.

* I use this hosts file: http://pastebin.com/5H377wRa , it blocks all major porn sites ( about 10 000 ). You can also use a porn filter for web browsing.

* Read up on yourbrainonporn.com to understand as much as possible about porn addiction.


Good luck!



5
Ages 20-29 / Re: solitu's journal
« on: August 07, 2015, 03:41:45 AM »
Hello.

Three days in. It's not easy.
It takes a lot of willpower to ignore pictures of cute girls when you're browsing the internet.
I have to keep reminding myself that I can do it. I already made it to 23 days once, so I can do it again.

Yesterday I met a cute girl on the train and talked to her for 20 minutes. Didn't ask for her phone number.
Today I keep thinking about her. I want to jerk off. But I know it will lead me straight back to porn.
So I won't.

I'm worried if I will ever get rid of porn. Because when I orgasm, I always want more.
And because it is more difficult to get off the more times you do it, I go back to porn.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Way Overdue
« on: August 05, 2015, 01:06:22 PM »
It is hard to deal with all those triggers in this very sexualized society.
The best way I find to deal with them is to just ignore them.
 
You see a sexual advertisement, turn your head and move on, think about something else.
That goes for anything, from girls in tight jeans on the street to sexual pictures with blog posts.

Remember that thinking about girls in a objectifying way, only reinforces the pathway in your brain that makes you want to look at porn.

The times I've relapsed, it has always started with something that I thought was innocent.

Hope this helps.

Good luck!

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: solitu's journal
« on: August 04, 2015, 03:08:14 PM »
Thanks for welcoming me.

The reason I made an account on this forum is because I thought the support would be helpful.
In the past I tried to do it on my own. I just read stuff on porn addiction.
My main resources were r/nofap, yourbrainonporn.com and some some youtube-videos.

I'm used to dealing with my problems on my own.
But maybe a little social accountability through the internet wouldn't hurt.

Good luck too you!

8
Ages 20-29 / solitu's journal
« on: August 04, 2015, 09:17:10 AM »
Hello, my name is solitu.

First time is watched porn was at the age of sixteen.
I got into a new group of friends at the time. The subject of porn came up.
They were very surprised that I had never watched porn. Maybe it is because I grew in a bit of a strict family. I don't know.
I had been masturbating to the pictures of girls in my class and lingerie models in magazines but never porn.
So after a while I decided to give it a try. It was very enthralling and gross at the same time.
As time passed on I got used to it, but wasn't necessarily addicted.

The real problems started in college, when I got way too many time alone. Nothing held me back to fully indulge in my fantasies.
Sometimes I already fantasized about porn in class. When I got full days off, I would jerk off for 3 - 5 times a day.
It wasn't until the end of the second year I realized I had a problem. My interest in school started to go away, so I had bad results.
I was kind of slipping into depression.

After my realization, I tried to quit porn for about a good year but never succeeded. Although I really couldn't enjoy it anymore, I felt like I had to. The most I've managed to stay away from porn is 23 days.

Relapse pattern is always the same:
Wanting intimacy of girls and jerking off to something innocent like a fully clothed girl.
For about an hour I'm fine.
Then I get strong urges.
Then  I jerk off too just a naked picture of a girl.
Finally I gets worse and  I go back to porn.
Then it can last for a few days.

The relapse happen mostly when I'm bored, alone and a little down.

I wonder if it will be possible to jerk off or have sex with a girl in the future without having those strong porn urges coming back.
I want to get rid of porn for the rest of my life without it being like a huge danger lurking just around the corner.
What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks for letting me share.


 

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