milogasker
Member
Hey, never done this before but I certainly need to air and share my problem as it's been nearly 9 years of PIED that has cost me physically, emotionally and financially.
In brief, I started viewing porn from a young age as it was in the house - then developed to internet porn in the 90's, then high-speed stuff in the last decade or so. I started working from home when I set up my own business about 10 years ago - I found that porn was a stress release when the business was taxing me and I ended up MO about 3/4 times a day on a regular basis. Inevitably I ended up needing more extreme / varied porn to excite me (which I now understand why from the Your Brain on Porn videos) and could only get aroused by more varied and unusual stuff. I tried may times to stop and kept a log but the best I could do was 8 days clear - I felt a real failure as I was watching videos from guys who were going 90 / 120 days with no porn / MO. (During this time the only way I could have sex with my wife was to make sure I took Cialis before any possible sexual activity. Due to her health it was a very irregular thing anyway so I was always needing a release by using porn).
Moving on a bit, about 5 years ago I tried rebooting and thought that maybe seeing a prostitute would help me come to terms with my need for intimacy / sex and would help my brain rewire to the touch of a female and physical sex. Over the years I must have spent well over ?2000 on prostitutes plus a supply of Viagra / Cialis (another ?1200). I have only ever ejaculated during sex on one occasion with all the working girls I met and I even found it nearly impossible on most occasions to climax even though I had a real, naked female right beside me, not a porn image - this just frustrated me even further. About a year ago I got so frustrated with not performing when with a prostitute and I started surfing on Craiglist and similar sites looking to find people who wanted NSA sex - and this was female or male..! I set up a few new email addresses, got two sim-only mobiles and have been leading a dual / triple existence.
I know, I know... something in my brain should have said this was wrong, my moral compass should have righted itself and stopped me. But, the worrying thing was that I was enjoying the thrill and excitement of doing something wrong, even dangerous. I had a few experiences with men, telephone relationships with a couple of females and I have carried on with paying for sex.
The reason I am sharing this ..? Well, as I sit and write this I still have a strong desire to continue to seek out new and exciting / varied sexual experiences.. which in some ways frightens me but in others it excites me. I made a conscious effort 4 days ago to stop porn, not look at anything remotely sexual (films, news, girls in the street), start exercising and really try to break this habit. But.. I am still planning in my mind that once I get my erection back I will visit a working girl near me and pay for it again.
I certainly have PIED but I am worried that I am actually addicted to sex. Is it because I have had a recent life full of sexual fantasy / exploration that I am just in that bubble and once I stop using porn and masturbating that the cravings will subside...? Or is that just how I'm wired and I will always have a need to push the boundaries..? I sometimes feel the Jekyll and Hyde effect - I know as a normal family man with values and scruples that what I am doing is totally wrong but there is this other side that somehow takes over and drives me to keep pushing the boundaries and seek excitement and danger. If my wife ever found out I can't even begin to contemplate the disastrous effect that would have on our marriage.
I therefore really need to hear from other guys and hopefully hear of similar tales so I can accept that this is normal "abnormal" behaviour. I desperately want to get rid of my PIED, I desperately want to rid myself of the need to be sexually experimental as I do believe it is affecting my home life and the ability to run my business effectively.
I sincerely hope to hear from anyone out there...!!!
In brief, I started viewing porn from a young age as it was in the house - then developed to internet porn in the 90's, then high-speed stuff in the last decade or so. I started working from home when I set up my own business about 10 years ago - I found that porn was a stress release when the business was taxing me and I ended up MO about 3/4 times a day on a regular basis. Inevitably I ended up needing more extreme / varied porn to excite me (which I now understand why from the Your Brain on Porn videos) and could only get aroused by more varied and unusual stuff. I tried may times to stop and kept a log but the best I could do was 8 days clear - I felt a real failure as I was watching videos from guys who were going 90 / 120 days with no porn / MO. (During this time the only way I could have sex with my wife was to make sure I took Cialis before any possible sexual activity. Due to her health it was a very irregular thing anyway so I was always needing a release by using porn).
Moving on a bit, about 5 years ago I tried rebooting and thought that maybe seeing a prostitute would help me come to terms with my need for intimacy / sex and would help my brain rewire to the touch of a female and physical sex. Over the years I must have spent well over ?2000 on prostitutes plus a supply of Viagra / Cialis (another ?1200). I have only ever ejaculated during sex on one occasion with all the working girls I met and I even found it nearly impossible on most occasions to climax even though I had a real, naked female right beside me, not a porn image - this just frustrated me even further. About a year ago I got so frustrated with not performing when with a prostitute and I started surfing on Craiglist and similar sites looking to find people who wanted NSA sex - and this was female or male..! I set up a few new email addresses, got two sim-only mobiles and have been leading a dual / triple existence.
I know, I know... something in my brain should have said this was wrong, my moral compass should have righted itself and stopped me. But, the worrying thing was that I was enjoying the thrill and excitement of doing something wrong, even dangerous. I had a few experiences with men, telephone relationships with a couple of females and I have carried on with paying for sex.
The reason I am sharing this ..? Well, as I sit and write this I still have a strong desire to continue to seek out new and exciting / varied sexual experiences.. which in some ways frightens me but in others it excites me. I made a conscious effort 4 days ago to stop porn, not look at anything remotely sexual (films, news, girls in the street), start exercising and really try to break this habit. But.. I am still planning in my mind that once I get my erection back I will visit a working girl near me and pay for it again.
I certainly have PIED but I am worried that I am actually addicted to sex. Is it because I have had a recent life full of sexual fantasy / exploration that I am just in that bubble and once I stop using porn and masturbating that the cravings will subside...? Or is that just how I'm wired and I will always have a need to push the boundaries..? I sometimes feel the Jekyll and Hyde effect - I know as a normal family man with values and scruples that what I am doing is totally wrong but there is this other side that somehow takes over and drives me to keep pushing the boundaries and seek excitement and danger. If my wife ever found out I can't even begin to contemplate the disastrous effect that would have on our marriage.
I therefore really need to hear from other guys and hopefully hear of similar tales so I can accept that this is normal "abnormal" behaviour. I desperately want to get rid of my PIED, I desperately want to rid myself of the need to be sexually experimental as I do believe it is affecting my home life and the ability to run my business effectively.
I sincerely hope to hear from anyone out there...!!!