Having the advantage of having boners

Hi,
this is Diesel Driver. Long time no see!
I'm not new to this forum. A month ago I had decided to take a break from visiting rnation or any other no PMO or nofap board. Thought it could help me focus on something more pleasent.

I got better indeed. I would often wake up with hard boners. Of course I was thrilled to see the progress but I got cocky I guess, literally. At first I started feeling my penis up and down, just with the tips of my fingers. Then I would add fantasy about things I was looking forward to do with my healed member. I started edging soon and my thoughts became pornier after a while. Eventually I fapped. It no bad effect immadiately, so I did it again. Unfortunately I didn't think about what I was doing and soon I was sitting in front of my computer having edgefests to my old favorite clips.

Now I feel crushed, tired and unworthy. I thought nothing of having a fap occasionally, the result: 2 weeks of fapping twice per day on the average, sometimes with porn. I really got back to my old habits but this must stop.

I'm gonna set the rules once again.
[list type=decimal]
[*]No porn.
[*]No substitutes for porn. Unexpected exposures have to be avoided and ignored.
[*]No fantasizing. Sexual thoughts have to be blocked. Persisting sexual thoughts have to be blocked again.
[*]No touching. The penis must not be touched except while urinating, washing or preparing to penetrate a real girl.
[*]No stroking or tugging.
[*]Respect the penis. No referring to it as dick, weener, thing, junk etc. It is a penis and a precious part of the body.
[*]No self pity
[*]Breaking any rule leads to a reset of the no PMO counter
[/list]

I will report from time to time. Forgive me for messing up. Things will be different from now on.

Wow, already 5 days since I'm back!

I'm doing good. Had a dead penis for the last couple of days but early in the morning today I woke up with a slightly more rigid penis. Nothing special, a 10% erection if you will, but a relief to see progress so quick.

There is something I'm thinking about right now.
I set the goal of reaching a year of doing hardmode. I don't know if this is according to my true desire. I'm done with porn and masturbation for ever. It wastes my zinc and makes me weak, takes my time, and my power. It's much harder to pick yourself up and do anything if your member is cold and plays dead. You feel inadequate.
I want to be free and healhy forever.

Cheers

Hi,

I'm doing good. Not much I can do to speed up the reboot but I'm very confident. Reading success stories, meditating and eating healthy and of course abstaining from stimulation is everything I know that helps.

Cheers!

Hey man,

Good thing you're back on track. Just passing by to keep you up!

You seem like an experienced dude on that.  That's why I have two important questions:

1) Are you searching for sexual partners? No-PMO is a good thing to do, but only if you have some healthier alternative - which, in that case, seems like sex for me. So, yeah, I'd like to hear about your adventures with girls and how this experience is helping you.

2) Do you have any side projects or areas to redirect your energy? I understand that sexual energy is a huge motivator that, if not channeled, can lead to frustration. Are you putting that boost into something else? And how does it feel?

Keep going, man!

Hi,
thanks for taking your time to ask these interesting questions. I can only try to answer, I'm still in the rebooting process and change keeps coming!

LeirTheFox said:

1) Are you searching for sexual partners? No-PMO is a good thing to do, but only if you have some healthier alternative - which, in that case, seems like sex for me. So, yeah, I'd like to hear about your adventures with girls and how this experience is helping you.

Click to expand...

Right now I'm not. My sex adventures were very mixed. One time was really awesome except for my delayed ejaculation. Another time I didn't even get hard (which was the last time I had sex). Nothing too dramatic. If I had sex this night I'm not sure if I could get an erection.

Anyways, I am generally indifferent to women. I refuse to commit to long term relationships and I don't want a family.
All I do here is for myself. I simply thought about it and I find PMOing once or twice a day less enjoyable than waking up with strong erections, feeling physically excited when flirting with women and having sex occasionally with reliable erections. Also I like the thought of being in control of my sexual urges.

LeirTheFox said:

2) Do you have any side projects or areas to redirect your energy? I understand that sexual energy is a huge motivator that, if not channeled, can lead to frustration. Are you putting that boost into something else? And how does it feel?

Click to expand...

Letting the sexual energy build itself up is a satisfying feeling to me, quite the opposite of frustration. I have more discipline and can relax better at the same time. Also I notice that I'm starting to be humorous around people again, kinda like I was when I was a teenager. Maybe this is what you mean with boost but I don't channel it consciously as you say. These changes happened on their own.

Cheers!

The switch for my libido was flipped the day before yesterday.
It happened during the day. I was sitting at my computer and suddenly I felt sexual, for the lack of a better word. I got out of flatline! I am easily turned on now, by girls, thoughts or whatever with penile response. I believe it would be healthy or normal with a bit more arousal and erections than I have now, so another flatline might be around the corner. For now I enjoy the sexual energy that kicked in like a vtec, yo.

I already had my guts tested yesterday night. I woke up from sleep with a strong close to orgasm feeling in my penis and lower abdoman. If 0 means not aroused and 10 means orgasm, I was at 9.9 for over a minute, physically but mentally as well. I thought I am about to explode every second. But the ejaculation didn't happen. It took all my strength not to touch my penis. The slightest touch would have made me cum. The fact that I didn't know how much longer this ecstasy would last killed me.

But I resisted and slowly the orgasmic feeling faded and I felt happy.

This is some massive progress, more than I thought would be possible. I will do the magical 90 days of hard mode, then I will finally rewire if I can. I could try to now but I see too many guys messing up their reboot because of girl problems. I want to learn from their mistake and go easy on the dating game once I feel ready.

Cheers!

Wow man, crazy good job!
Remember this as an example of what you're capable of

Thanks, CrazyFrog!

As suspected my libido and arousal slowly decreased. I'm pretty numb right now. My penis is warm though and my testicles feel big and full, I like it.
I must say I'm glad I found rebootnation. The board is very active with positive vibes and I see many rebooters persisting and getting their counters up and helping each other.

When I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep the first thing I think about is: "I could fap". I'm resisting of course but I would like to reach a point where I don't even think about it. I'm wondering how long this will take but for me hardmode is already changing everything. I'm far from perfect and right now I have a lazy phase of procrastination. I need to get myself together and get used to a more productive lifestyle.

Anyway thanks for reading.
Cheers!

I had to take a cold shower today. Somebody in my apartment complex must have used all the warm water. It sure woke me up.

Nothing new. Getting used to nofap slowly. Flatlining.

I probably won't post into my own journal for some time now. My reboot is just not too eventful but I will keep going and update as soon as something interesting happens.

Cheers!

Diesel driver said:

I had to take a cold shower today. Somebody in my apartment complex must have used all the warm water. It sure woke me up.

Nothing new. Getting used to nofap slowly. Flatlining.

I probably won't post into my own journal for some time now. My reboot is just not too eventful but I will keep going and update as soon as something interesting happens.

Cheers!

Click to expand...

Hey man, it's a pity that you had to unintentionally take a cold shower. Since you had to take it, what's your experience on it? For me, it does wonders to my humour. If positive, I suggest you to put cold showers into your daily routine. I read that it has a lot of benefits and perhaps it might add to your hard mode.

Also, good thing to see you're flatlining. A good sign of progress.
If you're not having anything new to add, it's ok. But don't spread too far, or we might miss you

Cheers!

Hi Leir,
it sucked  just kidding. It gave me a nice buzz throughout my whole body and woke me up mentally. Better than coffee.
I would only keep the cold water away from my head. After the shower I had a headache. So yeah I might consider including cold showers into my regimen but I would use warm water to wash my hair. Thanks for the link, the article was a good read and James Bond is awesome.

Don't worry I keep reading and posting here but most likely not into my own journal 

Cheers!

It's day 29 of doing hardmode. Last night I experienced something similiar to what I mentioned here already. I woke up with a feeling of close-to-ejaculation. The penis was rather flaccid when I woke up but got erect so quickly that it was scary. I didn't touch it. The feeling of ecstasy didn't last as long as last time, only 30 seconds or so this time. Maybe an attempt of my porn beaten brain to induce a wet dream? Would be about time.

My motivitaion is so low that I'm beginning to be concerned. If this doesn't get better soon I will need to do something.

Cheers!

Diesel driver said:

It's day 29 of doing hardmode. Last night I experienced something similiar to what I mentioned here already. I woke up with a feeling of close-to-ejaculation. The penis was rather flaccid when I woke up but got erect so quickly that it was scary. I didn't touch it. The feeling of ecstasy didn't last as long as last time, only 30 seconds or so this time. Maybe an attempt of my porn beaten brain to induce a wet dream? Would be about time.

My motivitaion is so low that I'm beginning to be concerned. If this doesn't get better soon I will need to do something.

Cheers!

Click to expand...

Hey man,

Congratulations! That was a huge display of self-control. Hardmode isn't for anyone and it's impressive how you're dealing with that. It takes a truckload of self-consciousness and willpower do to it. It might be the first signs of your brain returning to its original state.

I know it's a pain in the ass (or crotch, for the sake of the pun) to deal with these, the lowdowns might discourage us sometimes, but try to see the bigger picture. You're building a (great) productivity lifestyle, a thing that most people wouldn't do it if not abandoning PMO. The role models of our history had huge sexual energy, and could transmute that to their purposes.

It takes time and hard work. You're nailing it both! Keep it up!

Yesterday was day 31 of hardmode. I woke up with good morning wood. It was a great start into the day and I drove over to my parents who live around 1,5h away from me. I heard all the broadcasts on the terrorist attack in Paris. I took it bad as I live in a country that houses millions of new refugees.

The broadcasts must have caused me to have a terrible nightmare about gore, torture and war. Unfortunately out of all nights I had a sexual dream this very night. The sex dream/ wet dream followed directly after the nightmare and was torture themed as well. It was pathetic and disgusting, yet after a while I woke up and ejaculated a bucket of cum into my bed. The orgasm was extreme. I felt a tingle throughout my whole body and my toes and fingers became hot.
Didn't last for too long. Although it was an amazing orgasm I felt more than disgusted that my brain could come up with such disgusting dreams and even induce an orgasm from this shit.

With my mind only half awake I clenched my pelvic muscles and grabbed my fully erect penis and stroked as fast as I could and thought of the first real life girl that came to my mind. I believe I wanted to desperately stop my brain from wiring to the gore I've seen and instead wire to something else. It wasn't really conscious decision.
After I ejaculated to the fantasies of my choice I got up and realized my mistake while cleaning up buckets of cum from my bed.

This took me by surprise. I had such positive momentum and it took the most brutal liver hook ever. I hope I can recover from this soon. Needless to say I feel devestated.

TL;DR I had a disgusting nightmare that ended in a wet dream and in fear of having my arousal response wired to the content of my nightmare I masturbated immidiately afterwards to more pleasant fantasies. It was day 32 of nofap. I feel devestated.

Gotta look forward. After my horrible experience a couple of days ago I think I've seen it all.

I was full of power last week. I made smart changes to my weight training routine, thought about investing some of my savings and thought about picking up a new hobby, even studying was fun.

Now I am so deeply depressed that I skipped classes at uni and I can't bring myself to do my chores.
No idea how long this will last but there is only one wish I have right now: Being healthy. The imbalance of neurotransmitters or whatever I am experiencing now is pulling the break on every aspect of my life. I cannot suffer like this any longer.

Diesel driver said:

Gotta look forward. After my horrible experience a couple of days ago I think I've seen it all.

I was full of power last week. I made smart changes to my weight training routine, thought about investing some of my savings and thought about picking up a new hobby, even studying was fun.

Now I am so deeply depressed that I skipped classes at uni and I can't bring myself to do my chores.
No idea how long this will last but there is only one wish I have right now: Being healthy. The imbalance of neurotransmitters or whatever I am experiencing now is pulling the break on every aspect of my life. I cannot suffer like this any longer.

Click to expand...

Hey man, I understand that you feel devastated. It's hard not to when you got a longer spree, right?
All by all, you must be feeling the effects of Chaser Effect, which makes you crave more for repeating it.
It takes more strenght to start all over than to go over where you were, so don't give up, man. You've done it once, you can do it again!

You can go even further, man. We're here for you!

Thank you so for your reply, Leir. It means a lot.

Yes, among other things I experience a nasty chaser effect but it is getting managable.
For some reason I have to think about fat chicks all the time. This was never a big fetish for me (but most of the time never a turn off either). My brain seems to be confused. It seems like it's trying to dial a number but has to guess one of the digits and calls the weirdest lines.

I'm picking up momentum. I think after 5 days of hardmode you're back in the zone.

Cheers!

I'm doing good.
The last four days I woke up with good morning wood. Also I can easily get erect by thoughts and the erection remains for quite some time, at least in the morning when I'm lying in bed. Still numb during the day with occasional tingling sensations here and there.
I tried to think back when I regularly had strong wood in the morning. I believe it was at age 17. It's funny but I always ignored morning wood, this is probably why I didn't noticed when it stopped. Must have happened at 20.

My mood is very good. I feel confident, powerful, have a healthy appetite and enjoy the activites I engage in. There is still a bit of brain fog but when I do something fun I can forget everything around me. Concentrating on my tasks is a walk in the park compared to a month ago.

Cheers!

Diesel driver said:

I'm doing good.
The last four days I woke up with good morning wood. Also I can easily get erect by thoughts and the erection remains for quite some time, at least in the morning when I'm lying in bed. Still numb during the day with occasional tingling sensations here and there.
I tried to think back when I regularly had strong wood in the morning. I believe it was at age 17. It's funny but I always ignored morning wood, this is probably why I didn't noticed when it stopped. Must have happened at 20.

My mood is very good. I feel confident, powerful, have a healthy appetite and enjoy the activites I engage in. There is still a bit of brain fog but when I do something fun I can forget everything around me. Concentrating on my tasks is a walk in the park compared to a month ago.

Cheers!

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Hey man, good thing you managed to tackle the Chaser Effect. Before I was aware of that, I was unable to keep it up after relapsing. It ended up taking about a month for me to get back on track.

All by all, you seem to be doing good. You got past the five days of hardmode, and also it seems that your brain aren't wrong-dialling either Even though you have relapsed to MO, your brain is far more desynthesized than before, so it's no wonder you're finding it easier to concentrate than before.

I'm happy to see you're doing well. Keep it up!

Cheers!

Thanks. Yes the chaser effect got me too in the past. Hope I will be stronger.

Not obsessed with big chicks anymore. I searched the board for people developing random likes during their reboot but couldn't find anything. I swear though I once read a success story in which the author stated his fetishes were reversed one by one until he was at square one. And cured.

Had weak wood yesterday and none today. I'm flatlining again with numb penis, no motivation etc. Let's see how it all goes.

Cheers!