New Culture Needed - Day 7 Now What?

newstart

Member
So my story later, but my pressing thought is today is Day 7 without porn or masturbating to porn.  It has started as the hardest day to avoid porn.  Still good but I want to go to a site now.

It doesn't help that my wife is out all day today so I can't go to the real thing.

I do have two questions after looking at this site.  What is PMO?  Related, what is MOing?

Thanks for the site and forum.  This has been a big help all week.
 

chuckman23

Member
7 Days is awesome, keep up the good work.  PMO is Porn Masturbation Orgasm, the cycle we were stuck in.  I know it's tough especially when the wife is out. Find other things to keep you busy, clean the house (she will love that), do dishes, cut the lawn, go for a long walk, etc.  That has helped me.  I am @ 31 days, my wife was very hurt by my use and is still working to love me again so we are in separate rooms for sleeping.  She is not ready for sex yet not only from this but from other issues. So its no sex at all for me even though she is around. I am focusing on just how wonderful it will be when that day finally comes.  Good luck with all of it.  We are all here to support you and answer your questions.
 

newstart

Member
chuckman23, thanks for your encouragement and story.  I'm praying for you today and hoping you can bring things better to how you left them with your wife.  Your words were calming.

jjacks - you're right finish today stop looking too far ahead.  I woke up and my thought was porn, porn, porn.  This got me to my second thought, how can I beat this if I can't get a week past me.

Just writing today and seeing both replies was a big help.  More encouraging and helpful than I thought it would be.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Hi newstart,
1 week of no porn is pretty damn good! How are you starting to feel? Any sublte improvements?
Youll start seeing some amazing results soon as your dopamine levels return to their normal, pre-porn freak levels.
Aslo have you been flatlining? Thats is when you have no sexual desire, your penis shrivels up, some people dont even get morning wood. but its a good sign that youre on the right track. Dont worry its only temporary and will fix itself naturally once your brain starts to un-fuck itself.
Anyway, keep it up mate!
[deleted bad joke]
 
Hey newstart,

I totally understand the 7 day itch.  I have been doing this reboot thing for 3 weeks now and so far I have had some sort of mess up on every 7th day.  I haven't fallen completely off the wagon on those days but I was definitely hanging over the edge of the wagon.

I am hoping that now that I recognize this pattern, I will be able to beat it.
 

newstart

Member
Fappy, thanks!  You have the best description of flatline that make sense to me.  It is funny you should say that because day 8 (today) is dead guy walking.  I'm limp and without desire.  It is the flip side of yesterday and I didn't even do anything to relieve yesterday's stress (no sex, porn, masturbation, nothing).
 

newstart

Member
Harvey, I've read that we are on a 7 day cycle with testosterone.  Not sure how true it is but that day 7 is a peak day of testosterone levels and then there is a reset.  If that is the case, then it makes sense for me today.

The flatline thing is dangerous day for me.  On porn I would have similar days and I'd go to porn just to prove that I could still get it up and hard.  So even though I don't have a physical desire, I'm mentally playing with the thought of proving I can still get it up.  Thank god, I'm super busy with work.  I'm buried and need to get back right now.

Thanks for your encouragement Harvey.
 
that is very interesting...I am going to read up a little on that 7 day cycle.....maybe that is exactly what is going on.

At my low point, I couldn't even get it up with porn.  I wasn't even masturbating to porn, just looking at it for short periods of time, several SEVERAL times a day.  So I think I trained myself to not even get aroused by sexual imagery.  I was just getting that high from it mentally.  So dumb!

 

newstart

Member
Day 9 - similar to yesterday.  I had a little life down there this morning compared to yesterday, but not a strong morning wood.  Not super worried because of what I read here and on YBOP that this is normal.  I'm glad for both sites to see that:
I'm not alone
There is a high I was searching for that I didn't even know about
The science behind what was going on with me on porn and post porn (albeit 1.5 weeks)

Not counting this morning I'm as flatline as day 8 (yesterday).  Little motivation to even try anything with my wife out of fear that I won't get it up.  I need to listen to my own advise that I gave Harvey the other day.  Just make her happy in other ways.
 

newstart

Member
Day 14 - I was ready to start clicking away this morning to my all time favorite porn site.  I got in a weird fight last night with my wife.  Before the fight all things were green light to an intimate, love making night with her.  Instead I went to bed mad and I told myself, just wait until tomorrow and PMO.  It all came together as planned, the kids went to school, my wife went to work and I started catching up with my work.  Instead I stopped short and came to this site first.

I first watched the Ted talk on the homepage here.  Quite interesting how there is a movement of guys trying to quit.  I had no idea.  Now I'm here logging in and writing about day 14.  I can't believe that I'm at day 14.  Ok, I tell myself.  I've made 2 weeks if I get through today.  I can do another day porn free.  The weekend was great but hard.  I was surrounded by a lot of younger women I kept imagining them in positions I only learned about by watching porn.  I did all I could to stop those thoughts.  At the same time it was great because I never, until last night, thought about going to a porn site.

Here are some random questions, I'm not sure how to answer.  If anyone has opinions or thoughts, then please let me know:

Is there a certain number of days (i.e. 21 days) that if I get there would mean I'm cured from addiction?
Can I ever watch porn in moderation and not get hooked again?
If I can watch porn in moderation what does moderation look like without going down a dark path of ED again?
 
Congratulations on completing 2 weeks, that really is great and you should be proud. But don?t get lax and let it slip, I have been there, done that - thought ?this is easy, I can treat myself, why not?? When I did that I relapsed HARD and it?s taken me a long time get out of it again

There are no hard and fast periods for abstaining but the general agreement is that 90 days is considered the holy grail of getting to the point where your mind and body should start returning to normal balance.

That said, I am sure others will agree that there is no point where you are truly ?clean?. It?s exactly like other drugs - smoking, drinking etc. Ever given up smoking? Been years since you did? Still fancy a cig now and again at random times? Yep, well it?s the same with this addiction. We will always be addicts, but like with smoking for example we hope to build the strength to be able to turn down the temptation in future. I stopped smoking 10 years ago, and I can now deal with the odd craving pretty easily. I hope to reach the same point with PMO

I wish you luck. Keep posting, it helps you and it helps all of us too. We are all fighting our own battles but can help and encourage each other to reach our goals
 

uncreatedlight

Active Member
Echoing Broadfield here.  Once an addict, always an addict.  Many people claim to feel reduced cravings after 90 days, but that doesn't mean you can go back to life as it was once you hit the milestone.  The pathways in your brain will always have a tendency toward reactivation.

I'm not Catholic, but part of the Catholic baptism ceremony I like calls upon the catechumen to resist "the glamor of evil."  While I hesitate to use terms like good and evil, addictive illusions do tend to cast a pall of glamor over them.  It seems like you can return to the company of your old friend one day and enjoy it, but returning will only bring sorrow.

I ruminate about the future often.  How will I make it to 90 days?  Will life get better, etc?  But I don't need the strength to handle 90 days.  I just need the strength for today.  You can make it through today.  14 days is a great accomplishment.

Don't beat yourself up over the thoughts.  Just don't entertain them or follow them.  Watch them arise and subside. 
 

newstart

Member
Light and Broadfield, thanks for your words.  I hear both of you saying - you're an addict, if you go back once it could be a dark and difficult return.  I so wish there was a, "you can go to porn 1 per week and you will be ok" type of scenario.  I'm not lying I really wish there was a happy medium for porn addicts.

Day 16 - feeling really good today.  Mood and emotions are up for the most part.  I think about porn more now than I did back at day 8 or 9.  I do want to play in that field.  Fortunately, the last two days have been really busy with work.  I need another busy day to keep me from slipping (I kinda want to slip).
 

bob

Respected Member
First of all, congrats on the number of days clean! That is a major accomplishment. I remember when I thought it was impossible to get to two weeks without pmo or mo.

But it is possible. Now for the porn in moderation. The simple answer is NO.

newstart said:
Can I ever watch porn in moderation and not get hooked again?again?

newstart said:
I so wish there was a, "you can go to porn 1 per week and you will be ok" type of scenario.  I'm not lying I really wish there was a happy medium for porn addicts.

You are not alone. The high you get from the dopamine dump (as I call it) is absolutely amazing. Sucks the life out of you but it is amazing. The only problem is once is never enough and eventually you feel like you can never get enough.

Resist the urge and realize the understanding that a clean lifestyle is so important that it is mandatory to give up this crutch. That's what it was for me. A self medicating crutch that lied to me with rewards of happiness. It turned out to be  perpetual lifestyle of loneliness, shame, and self loathing.

Its not worth it.

Peace
 

newstart

Member
Thanks Bob.  My head knows the answer is no, but the desire is strong.

I'm in a interesting time today - I have so much to do that I want to take a "break" before I get into the meat of what needs to be done.  I want to jerk off to a video so bad but you are right.  It is a crutch and a lie I believed for too long.  There has been too much freedom in the last few days alone that I need to focus on the positives of my freedom from that crutch.  I need to remind myself that the happiness from porn is temporary and my problems will still be there and probably bigger.

I love this site.  It is good to just type out loud what is on my mind without fear of judgement.  Great site.

My task tomorrow - encourage others on this site as I've been encouraged over the last 2 weeks.
 

newstart

Member
Day 17 - Today has been great, I woke up with natural morning wood.  It has been months, MONTHS, since I had one.  Not trying to brag just want to say thanks to this site and YBOP.  I'm on this streak of day 17 because of this site.  The data has been incredible but the words of encouragement and the journals are priceless.  I wish I would have found this site a long time ago.

Thanks all!
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Day 17? What an achievement! Well done to you my friend! And a morning wood, that mustve been great. No that's OK, feel free to brag, your bragging will help motivate others in their quest to be free of this fucking arsehole we call porn addiction!
I totally get you when you say you wish you found this site long ago. If I hadn't found this site and all the great members on it, who knows, id probably be in prison by now!
Anyway mate, keep it up and keep it erect.
 

bob

Respected Member
I know this sounds a bit crazy but...

Isn't morning wood great?
Restores confidence in one's self as a male.


When I was young, I was embarrassed by it. Later, I didn't realize that it was missing. Now, I check every morning and I am amazed at its tenacity. It is there. It is strong. It is robust!

It gives me confidence that I can do this! I am repairing myself.

Peace
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Yeah! Theres nothing like a rockhard throbbing morning wood to start the day with. Its a little difficult to pee when you have one, but walking around with a tent in your pants the first short while after waking up is great! Now, imagine that when getting sexual with a woman, or man if that's your preference, (no animals, that's just weird) and that should give you adequate motivation to kick this rotten habit for good!
 
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