So I'll introduce myself. My experience with porn started before puberty when I started drawing my own pornographic pictures. I didn't really look at porn produced by others until we got the internet and even then it started with me just looking at anime, not even pornographic pictures, just suggestive ones. Eventually I started looking at actual porn on the internet. Since day one of fapping I have counted every day that I didn't fap, trying to stop, I was so ashamed. At the age of 21 I had a breakdown over my shame and developed psychosis, the years of fapping wasn't the only factor, but it was the trigger. As I said, I counted every day I didn't fap since I was about seven years old. For most of my life my record was 20 days and that was only once. Then about eight years ago I started reading spiritual books and though I was brought up an atheist I decided to give meditation and prayer a go. Even if it is only a form of auto-suggestion, it had immediate benefits. About six years ago I managed to finally stop making my own pornographic pictures. I started being able to go months at a time without fapping. My record now is five months. I achieved all of this on my own (or maybe with the help of a higher power) without any communication with the outside world about my addiction. However, my record of five months was a few years ago, and since then I have gone back to once every ten to fifteen days or so, sometimes more. Today marked the tenth day. I started suffering serious withdrawals. I prayed and managed to resist for most of the day, but the withdrawals didn't go away. In the end I succumbed. That was when I decided to reach out and see if within a community I could get better results. My aim remains the same, to stop for good. Finally, as a side note, I should mention that I still suffer from psychotic episodes from time to time and am wary about posting on the internet lest I post something crazy. If I do I hope you will be supportive and understand that it is a result of my mental illness. Thank you.