Hey everyone, this is my first time using a forum so apologies if I'm a bit confused. Anyway I just wanted to share my story and ask for some advice from anyone willing to give.
I started masturbating to pornography when I was 13. My story is an odd one considering I masturbated before I was able to get an erection. So before I even began to get sexual urges, I was watching porn and attempting to masturbate in an attempt to fit in with all my friends in school. Weird, I know. Anyway so eventually I began to get erections at 14, I think, and have been masturbating to porn ever since, until about 3 months ago, I am now 19. Now its on and off. My whole sexual development has been based around porn, I remember the early days when I would get erections in class and the touch of a female would get me going, these are things you take for granted and I wish that I had. I would skip from video to video, masturbate twice a day. I combined it with a very specific way of masturbating, (a very tight grip, twisting, with sudden jerks, I would also tense my whole body to have an orgasm.) I became so conditioned to this way of masturbating that really started to effect my life. I masturbated like that for 5 years until I was 18.
I was a late bloomer in regards to puberty. All my friends were developed with body hair and deep voices and I didn't gain any of that until i was about 16. I had always been the short little, quiet kid until then, so I took it out on pornography and also became a serious gamer. My life changed for the better from 16-18, I grew, developed, hit the gym and changed my life for the better while still using porn. My confidence grew and I started getting a huge amount of attention off girls which was all really knew to me. However what seemed like a perfect transformation story, wasn't as good as I hoped.
Due to the attention off girls, I began to get many sexual opportunities. The first time was a hj off a girl I had known for a while and I used to have fantasies about. I felt nothing, 0, no feeling at all. Its been the same with every other time I've tried. The first few times were hjs and bjs and I felt nothing, but managed to maintain an erection. The first time I had sex, I gained an erection from foreplay and lost it when it came to the act. I was apologising over and over and she kept telling me it was fine. I eventually got a semi and had sex like that, didn't finish. Ever since then, I've had problems with erections with girls. I'm 19 and have yet to ejaculate with a girl. Ive lost count of the amount of times Ive had to explain to a girl that "I do find her attractive and that I don't know whats going on with me." Its created some what of a sex phobia for me, I've turned down and avoided so many opportunities for it and I feel like I'm wasting my "glory days" of youth. I still feel attraction to girls, as i regularly make out with them at parties and clubs but I know the minute I take them home, I will either not be able to get a hard on or If I'm able to get one, I wouldn't feel anything.
After finding videos by Noah Church and some others I realised this was the reason why I can't feel anything during sex and can't maintain erections. I know pornography has played the largest role in my condition but for some reason, I don't find it that hard to cut out. Its the ejaculation which i need. The release of stress i get, as I'm struggling with many issues in my life at the moment. I don't want to make that the excuse as I know without those problems I'd still be addicted. Ive gone a month without porn and merely a week from masturbation. I masturbate to nudes while sexting with a firm erection (most of the time) or random pictures of girls with limp erection. In fact while writing this now, I think I'm focusing on too much of the visual aspect, and the conditioning of the feel of my hand on my penis isn't helping either.
I relapsed badly an hour ago, going far into my porn addiction and finding a specific video i love. The reason for this was because I wanted to reassure myself that I can get a full erection and feel amazing while masturbating. After going a week without masturbation, my penis essentially died. I wasn't horny at all, no erections, I couldn't imagine any scenario in my head to get me aroused, touching myself did nothing. It made me depressed so i started pulling every trick out the book to see if I could get aroused. I stumbled upon youtube videos, then to porn and I gave in. It was incredible while doing it but after I felt horrible, so disappointed, especially considering I'm staying over at a girl's this week. I want to get that feeling of ecstasy with a girl so badly. Theres nothing I want more than that. I want to feel everything and crave sex, rather than be afraid of it.
So I wanted to ask anyone who's cured their PIED. Is it too good to be true? Can i go from feeling nothing during sex and losing erections to having incredible sex and ejaculating. I can't imagine it to be honest. How long could it take? If I lose my libido will it eventually come back? Ive installed porn blockers and even made custom phone wallpapers telling me not to give in. Most of the time its not out of the urge, its to reassure myself I can still have an erection.
Any help or advice would be extremely appreciated, thank you.
Ps: I apologize if this was too long, it was me venting all my frustration for the past few years. Ive never had anyone to share this issue with, I thought it was a genetic factor for so long haha.
I started masturbating to pornography when I was 13. My story is an odd one considering I masturbated before I was able to get an erection. So before I even began to get sexual urges, I was watching porn and attempting to masturbate in an attempt to fit in with all my friends in school. Weird, I know. Anyway so eventually I began to get erections at 14, I think, and have been masturbating to porn ever since, until about 3 months ago, I am now 19. Now its on and off. My whole sexual development has been based around porn, I remember the early days when I would get erections in class and the touch of a female would get me going, these are things you take for granted and I wish that I had. I would skip from video to video, masturbate twice a day. I combined it with a very specific way of masturbating, (a very tight grip, twisting, with sudden jerks, I would also tense my whole body to have an orgasm.) I became so conditioned to this way of masturbating that really started to effect my life. I masturbated like that for 5 years until I was 18.
I was a late bloomer in regards to puberty. All my friends were developed with body hair and deep voices and I didn't gain any of that until i was about 16. I had always been the short little, quiet kid until then, so I took it out on pornography and also became a serious gamer. My life changed for the better from 16-18, I grew, developed, hit the gym and changed my life for the better while still using porn. My confidence grew and I started getting a huge amount of attention off girls which was all really knew to me. However what seemed like a perfect transformation story, wasn't as good as I hoped.
Due to the attention off girls, I began to get many sexual opportunities. The first time was a hj off a girl I had known for a while and I used to have fantasies about. I felt nothing, 0, no feeling at all. Its been the same with every other time I've tried. The first few times were hjs and bjs and I felt nothing, but managed to maintain an erection. The first time I had sex, I gained an erection from foreplay and lost it when it came to the act. I was apologising over and over and she kept telling me it was fine. I eventually got a semi and had sex like that, didn't finish. Ever since then, I've had problems with erections with girls. I'm 19 and have yet to ejaculate with a girl. Ive lost count of the amount of times Ive had to explain to a girl that "I do find her attractive and that I don't know whats going on with me." Its created some what of a sex phobia for me, I've turned down and avoided so many opportunities for it and I feel like I'm wasting my "glory days" of youth. I still feel attraction to girls, as i regularly make out with them at parties and clubs but I know the minute I take them home, I will either not be able to get a hard on or If I'm able to get one, I wouldn't feel anything.
After finding videos by Noah Church and some others I realised this was the reason why I can't feel anything during sex and can't maintain erections. I know pornography has played the largest role in my condition but for some reason, I don't find it that hard to cut out. Its the ejaculation which i need. The release of stress i get, as I'm struggling with many issues in my life at the moment. I don't want to make that the excuse as I know without those problems I'd still be addicted. Ive gone a month without porn and merely a week from masturbation. I masturbate to nudes while sexting with a firm erection (most of the time) or random pictures of girls with limp erection. In fact while writing this now, I think I'm focusing on too much of the visual aspect, and the conditioning of the feel of my hand on my penis isn't helping either.
I relapsed badly an hour ago, going far into my porn addiction and finding a specific video i love. The reason for this was because I wanted to reassure myself that I can get a full erection and feel amazing while masturbating. After going a week without masturbation, my penis essentially died. I wasn't horny at all, no erections, I couldn't imagine any scenario in my head to get me aroused, touching myself did nothing. It made me depressed so i started pulling every trick out the book to see if I could get aroused. I stumbled upon youtube videos, then to porn and I gave in. It was incredible while doing it but after I felt horrible, so disappointed, especially considering I'm staying over at a girl's this week. I want to get that feeling of ecstasy with a girl so badly. Theres nothing I want more than that. I want to feel everything and crave sex, rather than be afraid of it.
So I wanted to ask anyone who's cured their PIED. Is it too good to be true? Can i go from feeling nothing during sex and losing erections to having incredible sex and ejaculating. I can't imagine it to be honest. How long could it take? If I lose my libido will it eventually come back? Ive installed porn blockers and even made custom phone wallpapers telling me not to give in. Most of the time its not out of the urge, its to reassure myself I can still have an erection.
Any help or advice would be extremely appreciated, thank you.
Ps: I apologize if this was too long, it was me venting all my frustration for the past few years. Ive never had anyone to share this issue with, I thought it was a genetic factor for so long haha.