D?j? vu all over again

I have been trying to quit porn for over a year now. I was using (?the soft mode? if that is a thing) as opposed to the ?hard mode?. I took the P out of PMO and just used YouTube and other TV type things to soothe myself. But this never worked for me. Most times it just led back to PMO, other times it did soothe me for a time but in 7 to 10 days huge cravings to PMO came back. But I kept trying this over and over again.

Now I am going for the ?hard mode?. 11 days in and I am going through the usual depressive periods, major anxiety, panic attracts, sex and porn dreams. They don?t last forever but come and go. The big difference for me with the ?hard mode is this feeling like I don?t know who I am now. I feel numb because I don?t know how to feel or what my true identity is. This all seemed like D?j? vu. And it is!

Over 10 years ago I went into treatment for alcohol and drug addiction. I was a hard core drunk and addict for almost 30 years. Started when I was a teen. When I got out of treatment I felt the exact same way. I was clean but Numb, depressed, full of anxiety, and felt strangely like I didn?t know really who I was anymore. I didn?t know how to cope with life so PMO came to my rescue. 

Recovering from PMO is a lot like recovering from substance abuse (harder actually no pun intended). I never fallowed through and learned how to cope with life with out being medicated.

With substance abuse treatment you go to rehab. When you get out you go to meetings and/or groups and listen and talk to people in your same situation. You associate with them. You have a list of people you can call and say hey bud I?m in a bad way can we go out for a cup of coffee. With PMO I am too ashamed to tell anyone about it face to face. I have been trying to do this on my own in secret and failing. I have to change that! I do have this forum (which is great). But I need to use it more. But I also need a group to attend and I am looking for one.

The Hard mode is Hard. But I have to do it. When I quit drinking I knew I couldn't take even a sip.  And doing this alone is not working either. So I?m going to get help. I called a counselor today and I am keeping a journal. In fact just writing this has already helped me today at this time at least. Thanks reboot Nation Forum.

Hey Man    Glad your here    are you single or attached in some way    I am47 married with a 30 year addiction  from my dads playboys to vhs  and finally tubes porn  and chats on highspeed internet  It has always bothered me the time I wasted and life goals I missed and cant get back  but  after starting this battle  I feel so much better about myself  I actually managed 6 months clean before having some small relapses  but they were very different  they were not filling the voids that porn used to fill so I actually found it easier to stop again  I'm now over 3 weeks in and feel pretty good  Hang in there  whenever you have a craving  come here 1st  and type for a bit  read for a bit  tell yourself  Ill come here 1st just for a few minutes  and you find that  next thing you know its been a half hour  or more  and the craving may subside  there are a lot of guys here with great ideas and support  we'll cheer you on

      Cheers

                Post often it helps me it helps you

Hey joe thanks for the encouraging words. Yes I am married and in 50s. I tried to have sex with my wife tonight and couldn?t perform. The third attempt I fantasized about my favorite porn and then I could get hard and  barely finish. I just woke up and it?s 4 am and just several hours after sex with wife. I feel huge amount of anxiety after nightmares. I and shameful  for the porn fantasies during what is suppose to be making love to my wife who I do deeply love. I also have overwhelming desire to sneek into other room get on computer and PMO. I read about this happening after sex forgot what they call it. I have decided to Not PMO and now I feel sad and depressed. Like a little boy who doesn?t get his way feeling sorry for myself.

Hey Deja vu

    I think thats what they call the chaser effect  and its supposed to go away after time  along with pied    I never exp pied  I guess im really lucky there  but i understood the chaser effect  im now just over 3 weeks in  and feeling pretty good although this is my 2nd  solid attempt    Just keep on trying to find things to fill your time  and avoiding triggers  its a long process but will be def worth it in the end


    read and listen to Chuckman  he seems to have a huge amount  of advise


    cheers    post often it helps me it helps you

Welcome home, 90day.  You are in the right place.  My recommendation is to journal often and learn mindfulness or other spiritual techniques.  They are the best way to liberation.  If you aren't yet exercising, begin a regular practice.  Lifestyle changes are necessary to beat this.

I have been feeling serious depression and anxiety too.  For me, this became the meaning of my life.  Living without it has led to questioning of my identity and purpose too.  The process of readjustment is painful, but achievable.

Please know that I am praying for you.  You can beat this one day at a time.

Hi 90day,
sounds like you have been struggling with going cold turkey but from my experience thats the hardest part. It's like the alcohol in that you have to get the 'porn' out of your system or, more accurately, from your brain before you can start to heal.

I think the brain is a pretty amazing thing but it needs a bit of time to start readjusting.I'm sure you'll get there

Stay strong and ask for help if you need it.

The90daywar said:

I have decided to Not PMO and now I feel sad and depressed. Like a little boy who doesn?t get his way feeling sorry for myself.

Click to expand...

Pleaee ask yourself why you feel sad and depressed.
Then ask yourself what you can do that will put you on the opposite side of sad and depressed, or 50% of that, which is neither sad nor depressed.

Porn develops a behavior, called "i want..."

Life doesn't work that way.
The more you want something that doesn't work that way, the more you suffer.

The way to stop suffering is to stop wanting and start giving.

Only in giving do we receive.
Learn to forget about yourself, and devote yourself to your goals and the people you love, those who know and are real to you.

Never the unknown and unreal porn people, or even paid service.

In Time, seeing their success is therefore also your success, and you will feel good about yourself in ways porn can never ever do.

Wow, thanks for the shoutout Joe. Truth is I am struggling every day too. I will am at 86 days and its a struggle every day.  I deeply hurt my wife by not being there for her due to porn and other reasons.  We a slowly working on getting things back together.  My advice to you the90daywar, is one day at a time just like the other programs, be happy for small victories and don't beat yourself up if you fall. Just get back up on the horse and keep moving forward.  I know it's hard to tell people about this addiction, I finally did tell a few close friends and I felt better about it because the truth is many guys struggle with this same thing.  I found a  good counselor and talked about a lot with him too.  My wife knows about it and is supportive but like one of the great ladies on here said, don't expect her to be stoked about your progress especially at first. To many women this is like cheating on them and it's like saying hey honey, I haven't talked to that chick I had the affair with for over a week, aren't ya proud of me. 

I am not sure if you are a man of faith or not but if so give it all up to God. He will help you through this, he sure has helped me along the way. I will keep you in my prayers.  Great job admitting you have a problem.