Hey everyone,
I find myself in a very odd situation.
I am 404 days into a reboot and still in flatline! I?m wondering if I?m broken forever?
I have always been around porn, from my school days until 404 days ago. I served in the forces for a period where porn was common place and high speed porn has almost ended my life on more than one occasion.
I stopped PMOing over a year ago because I met a beautiful woman; I had no difficulty in stopping at all and have never been tempted back to it. I never really recognised that any of the problems I was suffering with were as a result of porn addiction. In the last year me and my partner have ?tried? to have sex on many occasions but it has always been pretty disastrous. I either suffered with ED, DE and most of the time because of my dead libido I felt very indifferent towards sex anyway.
My partner asked all the usual questions ?maybe it?s just me, you can?t fancy me!? and many other such questions. I tried to reassure her but when the most intimate form of love just isn?t there it causes a lot of difficulties and your partner to feel rejected.
I guess it was 6 months ago that I started to research my problems and I turned up at yourbrainonporn.com, I started to wonder but rejected it because I had previously suffered with ED before the advent of high speed internet porn. I went back to trying, and failing with my partner! Then last month, I returned to yourbrainonporn.com and decided to read far far more. The symptoms people were suffering with were the same as mine... this became both the best and worst news I received all at the same time! I was overjoyed knowing what causes my problems and all I had to do was reboot...until I realised I was some 370 days into a reboot anyway!
I?m now 404 days into my reboot and I have been in flatline virtually since day one. I can get aroused with my girlfriend but my penis isn?t rock hard but much worse for her, I wasn?t really bothered by her or having sex with her. My dick is dead, limp, nothing. I have no libido at all, I never think about sex with my girlfriend, I have no fantasies, I cannot get an erection from my own touch only, sexually, I feel dead.
So, what to make of a 404 day flatline and no signs of recovery yet?? I have masturbated on a few occasions (no porn, fantasy or anything else) but my dick wasn?t really hard... I?ve never returned to porn (and never will) but I am truly starting to wonder if I am properly broken?! What is the longest flatline? I see most people see some signs of recovery in 90 days but, for me, nothing!
I don?t want to alarm anyone with my news but I can only tell you the truth. There is one significant difference for me and I?m not sure if this will have impacted things... I was a compulsive gambler, stopped 20 years ago. Will being addicted to porn have just reignited the dormant reward pathways that were already there from my gambling issue?
I?ll try and keep my journal up to date so you can see how long recovery takes for me, if it ever comes!
Any advice would be good please, I feel very disheartened, depressed and unstable at this time... 404 days, surely something should have changed...?
I find myself in a very odd situation.
I am 404 days into a reboot and still in flatline! I?m wondering if I?m broken forever?
I have always been around porn, from my school days until 404 days ago. I served in the forces for a period where porn was common place and high speed porn has almost ended my life on more than one occasion.
I stopped PMOing over a year ago because I met a beautiful woman; I had no difficulty in stopping at all and have never been tempted back to it. I never really recognised that any of the problems I was suffering with were as a result of porn addiction. In the last year me and my partner have ?tried? to have sex on many occasions but it has always been pretty disastrous. I either suffered with ED, DE and most of the time because of my dead libido I felt very indifferent towards sex anyway.
My partner asked all the usual questions ?maybe it?s just me, you can?t fancy me!? and many other such questions. I tried to reassure her but when the most intimate form of love just isn?t there it causes a lot of difficulties and your partner to feel rejected.
I guess it was 6 months ago that I started to research my problems and I turned up at yourbrainonporn.com, I started to wonder but rejected it because I had previously suffered with ED before the advent of high speed internet porn. I went back to trying, and failing with my partner! Then last month, I returned to yourbrainonporn.com and decided to read far far more. The symptoms people were suffering with were the same as mine... this became both the best and worst news I received all at the same time! I was overjoyed knowing what causes my problems and all I had to do was reboot...until I realised I was some 370 days into a reboot anyway!
I?m now 404 days into my reboot and I have been in flatline virtually since day one. I can get aroused with my girlfriend but my penis isn?t rock hard but much worse for her, I wasn?t really bothered by her or having sex with her. My dick is dead, limp, nothing. I have no libido at all, I never think about sex with my girlfriend, I have no fantasies, I cannot get an erection from my own touch only, sexually, I feel dead.
So, what to make of a 404 day flatline and no signs of recovery yet?? I have masturbated on a few occasions (no porn, fantasy or anything else) but my dick wasn?t really hard... I?ve never returned to porn (and never will) but I am truly starting to wonder if I am properly broken?! What is the longest flatline? I see most people see some signs of recovery in 90 days but, for me, nothing!
I don?t want to alarm anyone with my news but I can only tell you the truth. There is one significant difference for me and I?m not sure if this will have impacted things... I was a compulsive gambler, stopped 20 years ago. Will being addicted to porn have just reignited the dormant reward pathways that were already there from my gambling issue?
I?ll try and keep my journal up to date so you can see how long recovery takes for me, if it ever comes!
Any advice would be good please, I feel very disheartened, depressed and unstable at this time... 404 days, surely something should have changed...?