marsturm
Active Member
Hi guys, I?ve been a member of the Nation for a while now and I guess it?s time I started my own journal?
Stats: 45 yo, gay, single (very eager to be in a committed relationship), from Germany, have been addicted to porn since my teenage years, at that time we used to watch VHS tapes and actually didn?t ever use fast forward or skip, so maybe that?s an advantage in my reboot, lol.
The real mess started when I got my first computer 2.5 years ago, from then it was PMO big time. Before that, I would act out in public places (libraries, copy shops, sex shops, porn cinemas), take home magazines from P shops, or use friends of mine to supply me. I was in a sex addiction related 12 step group until a few months ago, and I couldn?t get sober. Another psychotherapy didn?t help, either. My worst sessions were PMO'ing for hours on end, knowing I don't want to do this and having to continue to feed the porn-crazed demon.
What made me wake up was a disconcerting feeling of lifelessness under the belt. When I had sex I was semi-hard and could feel that something was wrong. When PMO'ing I sometimes didn't have an erection at all and cummed floppy style. Finding the Nation helped me to realise that I suffered from PIED. Before that, I would struggle to install K9 and quit PMO forever. My biggest success has been 1 month PMO free. Now I have a new mindset and I know that I don?t want to PMO anymore. I installed K9 in no time.
That?s a HUGE difference to my former state of mind. I always relapsed because I wanted to act out. This is not an option anymore. Phew. I believe that looking at and understanding your states of mind is key to staying sober.
Thank you, my friends, for all the help you?ve given me. I am proud to be a member of the Nation and I feel strong about my goal to reach 90 days PMO free. I am showing promising signs of recovery (stronger sense of self, monster erections at night that I never dreamed of having again, I feel like a teen , willingness to participate in real life, feeling loads more attractive about myself etc.) Good stuff! It's really fascinating that I never felt this way when I stayed sober before. I am sure this has to do with my willingness to stay clean for good. My soul knows.
I am happy to share with you guys. Good luck on your journey. We can do it!
Stats: 45 yo, gay, single (very eager to be in a committed relationship), from Germany, have been addicted to porn since my teenage years, at that time we used to watch VHS tapes and actually didn?t ever use fast forward or skip, so maybe that?s an advantage in my reboot, lol.
The real mess started when I got my first computer 2.5 years ago, from then it was PMO big time. Before that, I would act out in public places (libraries, copy shops, sex shops, porn cinemas), take home magazines from P shops, or use friends of mine to supply me. I was in a sex addiction related 12 step group until a few months ago, and I couldn?t get sober. Another psychotherapy didn?t help, either. My worst sessions were PMO'ing for hours on end, knowing I don't want to do this and having to continue to feed the porn-crazed demon.
What made me wake up was a disconcerting feeling of lifelessness under the belt. When I had sex I was semi-hard and could feel that something was wrong. When PMO'ing I sometimes didn't have an erection at all and cummed floppy style. Finding the Nation helped me to realise that I suffered from PIED. Before that, I would struggle to install K9 and quit PMO forever. My biggest success has been 1 month PMO free. Now I have a new mindset and I know that I don?t want to PMO anymore. I installed K9 in no time.
That?s a HUGE difference to my former state of mind. I always relapsed because I wanted to act out. This is not an option anymore. Phew. I believe that looking at and understanding your states of mind is key to staying sober.
Thank you, my friends, for all the help you?ve given me. I am proud to be a member of the Nation and I feel strong about my goal to reach 90 days PMO free. I am showing promising signs of recovery (stronger sense of self, monster erections at night that I never dreamed of having again, I feel like a teen , willingness to participate in real life, feeling loads more attractive about myself etc.) Good stuff! It's really fascinating that I never felt this way when I stayed sober before. I am sure this has to do with my willingness to stay clean for good. My soul knows.
I am happy to share with you guys. Good luck on your journey. We can do it!