Confused and need some advice ( Regarding Transexual )

        Hello everyone, this is my first post, I'm a 27 years old guy from Bangkok, Thailand, suffering from porn induced ED and performance Anxiety. I started watching porn since I was 11 or 12 and It has become really addictive throughout the years, I have switched from normal porn to Transexual and sometime gay porn. I really feel weird about gay porn, I don't really like it that much but I still watch it from time to time, But i was really hooked on Transexual porn. Since Thailand is practically a capital for Transexual/Ladyboy, I have always been curious about them, but I'm always too afraid to do anything or tell anyone about my Ladyboy obsession because I was scared that people would find out and looking at me weird, but around a year ago I met up with one ladyboy at her place through dating website, I let her gave me bj that's all and I really really enjoy it, next thing I know I arranged for a meeting with her for a second time, she gave me bj again and I still really like it, I didn't mind at all that she was a dude and still have her genital. It was just Bj nothing more. I kept thinking about meeting up with ladyboy all the time all I was doing was surfing through dating website and transexual porn. The thing that really got me turn on was a thought of receiving anal sex from ladyboy, I kept thinking about it until I made an appointment to meet another ladyboy, This time we met and I let her penetrate me and I gave her bj, right after I left her place I felt kinda weird, maybe because I felt guilty somehow but I didn't hate the experience at all, I kinda like it actually. I still like girls and I still want to have a girlfriend,I was actually dating a girl for a while this year, but another thing is I have been suffering from performance anxiety for a while, I would have no problem getting erection when receiving bj from a girl ( or ladyboy ) but when I'm about to penetrate someone I would lose my wood so quick and it would be almost impossible to erect again, so that really messed up my confidence. I have no problem staying hard if the girl is on top though and I would be able to have normal sex that way. Another thing is few months ago I just realised that I can't get erection by myself without watching porn, and I have no morning wood whatsoever that also make me lose a lot of self confident. 2 months ago I came across this site and did some reading, Now i'm on my 27th day of rebooting, I stopped watching porn and stop masturbating, but I would sometime go to ladyboy dating website to look for a possible hook-up, I know i shouldn't. The reboot has a lot of positive side effect, just 27 days and I felt like I want to go out more often than just staying at home looking at porn, I started going to the gym regularly, and I have morning wood almost everyday now, even though it's not rock hard still I'm proud of it. Here come the confusing part I don't know that I really like being with Transexual/ladyboy or It's just many years of porn that messed with my brain into thinking that I like ladyboy ??? I mean I've been with two ladyboys and I kinda like it. and I don't really know if I really like receiving anal sex from ladyboy or is it because that fact that I can't get a proper erection makes me want to be in the receiving end of sex ??? and Lastly i'm thinking about hooking up with some ladyboy through dating website again, will it hurt my reboot process if I just let the ladyboy penetrate me ??? , I mean I just want to receiving anal sex and giving oral sex but I don't want to have orgasm. This is kinda of a long post because I never told anyone about it before so I need to get this off my chest, and I know that this post may appeared very weird or even disgusting to some one, but I just don't know who can I turn to about this issue, I'm in a weird place here, Finally thanks everyone for reading this and feel free to ask me any question. Hope someone could give me some advice here 

Not weird or disgusting at all!  Many guys have had this issue.  Usually if it's part of your normal sexuality then it would have existed before porn.  So when you first started watching porn or first started budding sexually were you interested in 'ladyboys' or just girls/women?  Did it progress towards 'ladyboys' after a while?  That is usually an indication it is porn hijacking your normal sexuality.  There are some good articles on YBOP that you might want to read.

Reboot for a few months (no sex, no porn) and then see how you feel

Thank you so much for the reply  I think i have been curious about ladyboys since i was 15 or so, but never tell anyone about it, until i discovered transexual porn in my early 20 and then it has become real obsession. I will try to stick to my reboot for now, but I'm kinda chatting on my phone with one ladyboy for few days now, thinking of meeting up with her in a few weeks, nothing overly sexual about the chatting, should i just stop texting her and solely concentrate on my reboot?

I think concentrating on your reboot would be the best thing to do right now especially if you feel confused about your sexuality.

Thank you very much man, guess i needed that. Just someone who disagree with me, I'm pretty weak on my own ! I will do my best with the rebooting !

Hey Frankyd! I know very much how you feel man, I went from being a straight guy who only liked girls to watching Transsexual porn and even a bit of Gay porn too. I've also met with two Ladyboys and the first time it was just oral but the 2nd one I met (More than once) I was on the receiving end and I liked it as well, even if it felt a bit weird at first. Receiving anal sex from a Ladyboy, Man or Woman isn't a problem, its fantasizing about it, obsessing over it and watching hours of porn of it that is the problem!

I am fairly sure that its porn that has caused this switch in sexuality for me, towards a more bisexual outlook. I think that even after a reboot Ladyboys will be appealing to me, and if that's the case then so be it. I will still stay away from all kinds of Porn and won't surf Ladyboy dating websites or anything like that either. This is about healing and rewiring your brain away from porn and possibly the fetishes or kinks you have developed because of the addiction. If some kinks/fetishes or perhaps in our case, a liking for Ladyboys stays... then that's okay too

You can read my story a bit closer if you want in my journal or PM me if you have any other questions

Link to my Journal:
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=810.0/

Hey fnatk , I've read your journal man, It's so nice to know that I'm not alone on this one. Yeah, I also think that there's really nothing wrong with being attracted to ladyboys, but I was too obsessed with the ladyboy dating website and all the transexual porn , and it was not healthy at all man. I don't know what's my point of view toward ladyboy gonna be after I'm done with rebooting, but for now im just gonna keep concentrate on rebooting. We can do it man!!!  I'm a little bit over one month on my reboot process and it has been great man, I feel a lot better with myself, and a lot healthier, I still think about ladyboy everyday though, but It's not as "hardcore" as before ! I wish you the best with your reboot man, let's get our lives on track and let's be healthy again !

We're def not alone in this, lots of guys have ended up on the same path that we have and from the success stories I've read most seem to loose all interest in Transexuals/Ladyboys.

Its good to hear that you're one month in and still going strong! In time you will probably think less and less about Ladyboys and more about your own life and things that actually make you happy (Not porn!). I went on those dating sites as well and even thought about moving to Thailand or the Philippines so I know how obsessive one can get from this addiction! Bit crazy but at least now we both know better and are on the way to getting better