Arousing Material In Other Everyday Media

Hi all,

So I have been PM free for around a month, only one O around 2 weeks in of reboot but was with my partner. Currently I do not really have the desire to MO without a partner anyway.

Even though we are all making effort to avoid pornographic material I wanted to touch upon sexual and titillating material in movies/ tv shows/ newspapers etc. Since of course we live in a world where we are very often bombarded with sexual imagery even if it is not pornographic, I think I remember Gabe saying there isn't much we can do about avoiding this.

But as an avid fan of hip-hop/RnB music and anime/manga I just wanted some advice, since these 2 often are loaded with sexual imagery even if not pornographic. For example, I was listening to a brand new tape from an artist I like, and the cover of this tape was something that would have easily encouraged me to PMO a month ago.
I was also in the gym today, and right in front of me on the crosstrainer was a hyper sexualized music video playing, a music video which has caused me to PMO in the past. Even though I was curious to see whether they would censor the video during daytime, I just didn't bother to pay it much mind.

As for anime/manga, I do not have desire to consume pornographic material of this sort, however even non-pornographic anime/manga often has hyper-sexualized women and perverted scenes. Of course I am avoiding the ones which have a lot of this, but it is hard to escape it completely. I would like to ask, would i be able to return to a normal use of the even more risque material after a successful reboot? There are series I am avoiding during reboot, but would like to return someday, minus the MO. I will always be with my partner by this point anyway.

Thank you

It's only an issue if you are intentionally seeking the material to make yourself horny. If you come across it on accident, you just have to find a way to ignore the urges.

There are series I am avoiding during reboot, but would like to return someday, minus the MO. I will always be with my partner by this point anyway.

Click to expand...

Intent means everything. If you watch a show like Game of Thrones for the sex scenes then you are intentionally viewing artificial sexual stimuli for a 'fix', if you view it for the story and adventure then any sex scene you stumble across wont cause the same reward response as porn did. That is my understanding anyway.

Just to offer another point of view, I'm not sure "intent" makes that much of a difference, although it might be different for each person.  Of course, if you watch a show like GOT (just to go with that example) with the intent to be aroused by the scenes that I understand basically amount to soft porn, then I think that would indicate a problem, and it would seem to be a potential "gateway" to returning to watching hardcore porn, engaging in PMO, etc. 

It would also seem, however, that watching the show and "stumbling" across such a scene could cause the same problem if one finds it stimulating and tends to dwell on it.  Now one can say, "don't dwell on it," but that's a lot harder to do once you see what is being depicted right in front of you.  I mean, that's why we avoid such triggers, right?  It seems to me that there are potential triggers in various forms of media (particularly, cable TV series nowadays) that could create a pretty serious problem of temptation even if we don't come upon them with an intent to be stimulated. 

So I would think that quite a few persons who have had a previous predilection to view porn would either have to avoid such shows, or when watching such shows one would have to be ready to skip problematic scenes or avert one's eyes (assuming one has the necessary willpower).  I suppose there are some who, having competed a reboot, will find themselves no longer tempted by such scenes in any way, but I think such persons might be in the minority in terms of former porn users.

So I think that even if one does not begin watching a program like GOT with an intent to get aroused, the nature of the program (as I understand it) is that it could easily cause a potential problem for people who have a history of difficulty in dealing with sexual images.

Just something to consider.

Thats the thing innit. You dont know when or from where the triggers will come. I got urges from watching sports, cooking shows (cucumbers being washed), and even seeing a bit of milk dribbling out of a straw. Pathetic.
Stay vigilant!

Friendly Neighborhood Fappy 

Thanks for the replies and your insights.

As far as intent is concerned, my reason for watching the shows I am watching or visiting the music websites is purely for entertainment and not to seek out sexual material.
I haven't really had any issues of pathways been triggered, as currently I am focused on my goal of a successful reboot so don't have a desire to PMO (O with a partner may be acceptable for me). Dwelling also hasn't been too much of an issue, I try to avert my attention when necessary, although when I know there is something there, like that album cover for example, I did just take a peek at it and thought it was nice for what it is but didn't let it encourage me to PMO.

However, with this being said, there are shows/manga I was watching/reading or wanted to see with the intent of seeing sexual scenes along with the story; as mentioned earlier I do wish to probably return to these someday once I have fully resetted without MOing with them. I hope it is not an issue to use this material responsibly once I am 'fixed'?

I'm just going to be blunt.....  and of course, I don't know what your attraction to hentai/manga was, but mine was the hyper sexualisation.  I was also a big fan, and I now treat it like porn.  For me to go back, I would get the dopamine rush, and I'd be right back at square one.

For me its like saying "yeah, I was doing Meth, and Cocaine, but Meth was the problem.....  I'm good on Coke."  I don't think it works that way.  I also stopped hanging around the dealers and the users....  so to speak.  Being clean is more important to me than anything.  I want to meet someone, fall in love again, and have working junk.


Again....  I only know what my triggers were (and are).  Some people are truly story nerds....  but again, the subject matter.


Good luck my friend.  I hope you find the path that works for you.


Cheers,

p.

I know what you mean. I have a tumblr which I liked to post things on and look at other people's posts but there are a lot of artsy pictures that are somewhat pornographic. I never go on the website seeking those pictures but I've decided to stop using tumblr until I am done with my reboot and I'm not sure whether or not using it in the future is okay or not due to what I'm going through at the moment.

Killa_Mike said:

However, with this being said, there are shows/manga I was watching/reading or wanted to see with the intent of seeing sexual scenes along with the story; as mentioned earlier I do wish to probably return to these someday once I have fully resetted without MOing with them. I hope it is not an issue to use this material responsibly once I am 'fixed'?

Click to expand...

If you are fully rebooted or "fixed" as you put it, then it is very possible that those shows/material might not have the same attraction that they once did.  You want now to be able to return to them in the future, but you might not care about them so much once your brain has rewired itself.  I don't think that, in the midst of the rebooting process, you should worry about what you will want to see or be able to watch once you have completed the process.

I also think Poker makes some good points about the potential dopamine rushes from such material for someone who previously enjoyed the sexual aspects of such material.

I second the comment not to worry about it. You will likely only find out for sure once you've rebooted. Until then, you just need to know that it's worth rebooting and stick with it.

What I would say, however, is that you'll definitely be able to watch them socially, i.e. with other people in the room, because, even while at the peak of your porn addiction, I b?t you never broke your cock out in the middle of the lounge right in front of the guys and started whacking it right there and then. If you could resist while the addiction was in full swing, you will be able to resist when you've rebooted. If you only have to avoid such programs when alone, I don't really see that as a huge deal, personally.

Thank you guys for your replies.

You are right in that I shouldn't really be worried about it right now and time will tell, I guess I was eager to ask since I really do not want to lose my freedom in watching whatever anime like as it is a passionate hobby. I remember when I was clean previously and left my PMO life behind, I was still watching anime which incorporated hyper-sexualized females (maybe 'ecchi' but not 'hentai') and it didn't cause me to relapse at all, so I hope the pathways will not be triggered but we'll see.

I may be wrong here but personally, I wouldn't go as far as to use a coke/heroin analogy; I would compare our addictions more to that of an alcoholic since I am sure the sort of stuff which has 'broken' us can be enjoyed in moderation and if used responsibly but our abuse and overuse of the material is what has caused the problem. Well that's what I think anyway.

is everyone here of the opinion that if you fantasize and get a dopamine rush, or if you see a hot chick in a bikini on a dating site, and you get a dopamine rush, that sets you back to square 1?

Killa_Mike said:

I may be wrong here but personally, I wouldn't go as far as to use a coke/heroin analogy; I would compare our addictions more to that of an alcoholic since I am sure the sort of stuff which has 'broken' us can be enjoyed in moderation and if used responsibly but our abuse and overuse of the material is what has caused the problem.

Click to expand...

I would disagree.  I don't think porn is something that is healthy even if enjoyed in "moderation" (assuming that can be done).

Gambit123 said:

is everyone here of the opinion that if you fantasize and get a dopamine rush, or if you see a hot chick in a bikini on a dating site, and you get a dopamine rush, that sets you back to square 1?

Click to expand...

I think what Poker was talking about was a situation where you looked at something that gave you a dopamine rush, and then you pursued the material and dopamine rush with further exposure to problematic material, until you were addicted again.  I don't think he was saying one view of something sexy or one moment of fantasy undoes 30 or 60 or 90 days of reboot, or whatever.  At least that's the way I interpreted his comment.

Gambit123 said:

is everyone here of the opinion that if you fantasize and get a dopamine rush, or if you see a hot chick in a bikini on a dating site, and you get a dopamine rush, that sets you back to square 1?

Click to expand...

Not at all, fantasizing or even seeing a hot girl gives you nowhere near the dopamine rush that MO'ing to the same thing. The danger with seeing those non-sexual but still arousing things is that they can be triggers for you and make you want to watch porn again. Ofcourse going on dating sites, finding pretty girls/men and then masturbating to those pictures will do you no good at all but just seeing them is in itself not a problem, the triggers they can cause however can be bad.

challenged said:

Killa_Mike said:

I may be wrong here but personally, I wouldn't go as far as to use a coke/heroin analogy; I would compare our addictions more to that of an alcoholic since I am sure the sort of stuff which has 'broken' us can be enjoyed in moderation and if used responsibly but our abuse and overuse of the material is what has caused the problem.

Click to expand...

I would disagree.  I don't think porn is something that is healthy even if enjoyed in "moderation" (assuming that can be done).

Click to expand...

Does that mean you believe PIED and the other symptoms that come from PMO can come from even minimal porn use or do you believe it cannot be enjoyed in moderation to begin with? The reason I do believe it is something which can be potentially harmless if not abused is since I know of people who PMO (or use porn/arousing material at the very least) but still lead healthy sex lives. There was a guy who I worked with who I knew enjoyed some every now and then, of course the extent of his use I dunno, but he did sometimes look at some amateur stuff even at work. And he happily lived with his partner and I knew he must lead a healthy sex life since he already had a child and he was fairly young anyway.

Gambit123 said:

is everyone here of the opinion that if you fantasize and get a dopamine rush, or if you see a hot chick in a bikini on a dating site, and you get a dopamine rush, that sets you back to square 1?

Click to expand...

I don't think that in any way sets you back to square 1, maybe if that causes you to go on a full PMO session then yes. But if you see something briefly it's not the same rush as viewing endless novelty and edging for ages keeping yourself in that heightened state.

Killa_Mike said:

Does that mean you believe PIED and the other symptoms that come from PMO can come from even minimal porn use or do you believe it cannot be enjoyed in moderation to begin with? The reason I do believe it is something which can be potentially harmless if not abused is since I know of people who PMO (or use porn/arousing material at the very least) but still lead healthy sex lives.

Click to expand...

This is probably not the place to discuss this in detail, as it can take us down a long road, but I think that even minimal porn use can present a number of harms. Putting aside the impact on women/men in the industry from demand for this material, it seems to me that porn can alter the way we view women and sex, and our thought processes in other respects, even in the absence of obvious physical manifestations like PIED.  I also believe that even minimal porn use it is not appropriate in the context of a marriage where our sexual thoughts and desires and activities are supposed to be confined to our spouse.  Even outside of the marriage relationship, I think that M to porn is the antithesis of a "healthy sex life," but again, a discussion of this would probably result in a long, winding dialogue about fundamental beliefs regarding men, women, God, marriage, etc.

I was really just trying to make the point that there are differing points of view even about whether a "little porn" is harmful. 

Those who have been addicted to porn will continue to have a weakness towards porn for many years to come, even a single porn clip could have you hooked once again and for what? As for people who are simply porn effected, it is up to you whether you want to risk numbing your D2 receptors by subjecting yourself to an overload of dopamine, i would advise people to get a gf/bf and forget about the porn drug forever. My $0.02