200 days clean :)

Hi all

Married British guy here in his late 30s. This is my third or fourth attempt at a reboot since joining this site.

You can see my journal on the 30s forum but today marks 100 days clean. That's clean of P, MO, chat rooms and subs. It's not been easy: I felt horrendously low the first few weeks, but I've gradually gained momentum and confidence. My libido is pretty strong right now but it's under control.

BEFORE: regularly lying to my wife, hiding things from her, mild PIED, having to juggle our sex life with my addiction, impact on my workload, friendships and self esteem.

SINCE: better relationship with my wife and children, better sex, clean conscience, more productive at work, less anxious, a kinder, more rounded person, a closer relationship with God.

Where next? Simple: just get to day 101. The only way to do this is one day at a time. I got through yesterday without porn, chat rooms and MO, therefore I can get through tomorrow. I couldn't have got to 100 days by setting myself a 100 day target.

It can be done: you don't need porn, you don't need chat rooms, and you can live a life without this addiction.

EDITS: relapsed after 170-odd days; got back on the wagon; posted at 100 days, 6 months, now 200 days.

Great work mate.

Hi PE30,

Could you please describe the progression of your symptoms throughout the 100 days so far? If you could place them in weekly or bi-weekly categories that be very helpful i.e. Week 1: Severe anxiety, insomnia, body aches, strong cravings for porn Week 2: moderate anxiety, insomnia, no body aches, headaches, etc

Although no two cases are identical, creating a log of symptoms may help many others such as myself so that we know what to expect.

Oh okay sure:

ED: cleared up within the first week. Also as a result, associated prostate problems (weeing too much etc) cleared up within a week.

Anxiety: severe at first- almost suicidal for the first few days. Sleepless nights, inability to switch off, tearfulness. This was the worst part of the reboot. I still battle with feelings of regret and guilt, but these patches are fewer and further between. I think that my anxiety became manageable from maybe week 3 or 4.

Flatline: I've not really experienced this.

Cravings: my initial disgust at myself meant that I had no cravings for the first three or four weeks. Since then I have the occasional craving- usually on days when I'm working from home, or am tired, or am feeling particularly high or low. I had a phase of some intensely sexual dreams around week two or three. I still get these occasionally but these pass. 

Headaches etc: I'd say that my brain felt like a fog for the first week or so. But that was more emotional than physical.

If you want a day by day journal, have a look at the 30s forum. It's difficult to remember exactly! The first few days were horrible though.

@PE30 you're a great inspiration for me. I think it's a big achievement, I'm looking forward to see if you can maintain the benefits you earned.

I've read parts of your journal and you went through some hard work to be where you are now. Congratz, man!

100 days is an astonishing feat!All the best mate, I have also experienced some of the benefits you mentioned when I go on longer streaks (30 days+). Keep at it!

@persevere - I've answered your question in a bit more detail on your thread:
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=15500.0

@safa61947 - thank you so much! I reviewed my journal today and reminded myself of the huge journey I've been on.

@DIMA-NBA - thanks! the benefits are huge. I am just glad to have got my life back.

Great job! You truly are a testimony of transformation! Keep it up!

150 days clean. Still going strong.

I relapsed back in July. But I'm back to 90 days again. Let's always bounce back.

I've managed to surpass my previous "best" and am now 177 days clean. Next Monday will mark six months' clean; a week Saturday is another landmark: one year porn free.

Well done PE30! You?re an inspiration and should be proud of the progress you?ve made! I?ve enjoyed following your journal this far.

As I kick-off reboot take two, it is motivating to read your posts and how you have kept at it and not lost your sense of purpose. Your earlier post where you summarised feelings during the reboot process echoed my experience from my first attempt. I totally get the bit  about being most at risk when you are particularly high or low. When you're high, you don't care, 'what harm can it do?'. When you're low, you resort to old habits to seek comfort, and before you know it, you're back to square one. How to deal with these highs and lows? Need to think about that...

Hope thinks continue to progress and well done!

Made it to six months

You?re an inspiration! Thanks and keep going! I?m looking to get there too!

Congratulations. That's a great achievement!

200 days clean

PE30 said:

200 days clean

Click to expand...

Man, this is absolutely outstanding.