Starting a new reboot!

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willtochange

Active Member
Hey everyone, so this past week has been horrible with relapsing just about every day, i'm starting fresh today and looking to beat my longest record of 107 days.  :)
 
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willtochange

Active Member
It's 1:48am and i'm wide awake, insomnia sucks. I think it's often fed from my depression and anxiety. I have panic disorder with agoraphobia as well. I left that out in my original journal and i think it plays a big role with my porn addiction. Anytime i was lonely, depressed, anxious, bored i'd turn to PMO. I got to a point where i would binge for hours often times starting at night and not ending until 6-7am the next morning utterly exhausted.  Since stopping porn i've began reading again in the time that's available now, was working out but stopped, need to start that again. My desire to watch porn is really non present but i'm also in a flatline, despite those facts i have continued to make myself MO. I do get random erections at times and decided to act out on them since this flatline has made me feel so odd like my penis would never work again. I can see a beautiful girl and nothing down there happens so that's always tough. It's been 18 days since i've seen porn.
 
C

Christian

Member
It sounds like other things in your recovery are going well Willtochange. Regardless of MO and flatline, the fact you haven't watching any porn for 18 days is a major feet, and you should feel proud of your progress.

Nobody's recovery will ever go perfectly smoothly, ask Gabe Deem or anyone who has recovered from addiction. But they stayed on track even when things were difficult, just like you are doing now. I am also trying to stop with MO, but I accept that MO will always be better than a relapse in PMO. Any progress is good progress, its a motto that I have had to remind myself of often.

You will conquer this this Willtochange, you have made it 18 days, you can do anything.
 
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rebooter22

Guest
Christian, you're completely right!

Willtochange, I hope you'll overcome your addiction!
 
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willtochange

Active Member
Thanks, Rebooter22

I'm on day 21 today, still no desire to watch P which is great. Feeling a bit down the last few days but think that's just my depression or the flatline combined. Staying grounded in my faith and reading and trying to stay busy.
 
APositiveGuy

APositiveGuy

Member
Hi Willtochange!

Good to hear that you are reading as well. It's great, becouse a good book can make you think, and it requires you to imagine, and not just to watch. (I love films as well tho  ;D)
I suggest you to also start playing an instrument.

I think you know it better, but I just discovered, that after I started to have wet dreams (after like 35 days) flatline is not really a thing. After one, I get a low sexual feeling but it starts to grow till the point when the next one comes.

What I'm saying is, that you will get over the flatline soon  ;)
 
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willtochange

Active Member
Man guys i was doing so well but kept getting these horrible fantasies i couldn't shake. I relapsed today which would have 28 days. I'm not going to beat myself up, going to pick myself up and keep moving forward. There was one good thing i did, i finally deleted an online p account that i posted myself on. I think that has been itching at me since day one, knowing it was still there and i could go back to it. Like an alcoholic it would not be wise to keep a bottle on the shelf, it's always a chance for relapse.
 
APositiveGuy

APositiveGuy

Member
Don't let this get you down.
Failture is at our human nature, but what makes the difference is that we can learn from them.

This time, you just discovered a trigger what was inside you during the whole process.
But now, you can get ready for the next round knowing, that you are one step closer to the victory.

Keep it up man, I know, how bad fantasising can be, but the harder you try to not think about it, the more you think about it. Just stay busy. Work, hit the gym, go out with friends (make new ones) and it will just go away. But never be bored.

I hope that this round will be your last, and you will succeed.
 
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willtochange

Active Member
Well i relapsed a few days back as you can see by my tracker, i relapsed a few times within a few days but i'm back on track now. My tracker has never been more accurate. lol Feel like i'm in a flatline already which is good imo.
 
X

xarxax

Guest
You can do it Will!
Understand what failed and accept those mistakes you did. Think about what you've won while doing this, remind yourself your struggle is not in vain. After acknowledging both things prepare to not repeat your mistakes(noting them down may help, and planifying for when they trigger) and get ready for another round.

You have to hold on to every little thing you have won back, so that you remember you don't want to lose them again.

I believe in you.
 
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willtochange

Active Member
Thank you, Xarxax! I really appreciate that man. =)

So a quick update, i can't believe it's night of day 7 no PMO! Heck yes, so thrilled and i 0 desire for either. I have been focusing on my faith and mending my relationship with God and its been a huge help. Lets keep pushing y'all!
 
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willtochange

Active Member
Well i'm on day 14 which has been the longest i've ever gone without PMO! My last highest mark was 12 days so i'm so happy at the moment. I have had 0 desire to PMO and again i can give major thanks to my faith and being dedicated to stay on the straight and narrow. It's starting to feel really good and possible that i can do this for 90 days.  ;D
 
F

F4Add

Member
GREAT!! Congratulations!! You can make it for 90 days and even more ;)
Personally I din't think I was "done" after 90 days.
 
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