Pdub
Member
Hello all you beautiful people,
This is my first entry of many. I am 34 years old as of the writing of this topic. Today marks 14 days being PM free. Why not PMO? I'm in a relationship and have been married for 6 years on August 2nd, 2019. I'm taking it slow and trying not to isolate myself too much from my wife. I know it will take longer to move on and fully reboot.
I previously admitted to having an issue with pornography to her. In reflection on my life I think that I've had this problem since I was very young, probably around pre-teens era. I've been using pornography since I was twelve, or twenty-two years. I tried to follow the program but fell off, slipping into my old habits. I don't know exactly why. I'm sure there were a lot of reasons.
Two weeks ago my wife and I got into it. She literally asked me "Why don't you want to have sex with me? Do you not love me or do you think I'm unattractive?" I ended up revealing that I had relapsed and had been on the PM train again, and had been for the last year. I may have only made it a month before I relapsed. This caused a huge rift between us and broke a lot of trust.
This time is different from the last. I've done much more self reflection, studying, participating in communities of others in similar situations, and reaching out for help from couples counselors. In retrospect I think that pornography has caused most if not all of my previous relationships to fail. I won't go into detail on each one of them, but I can clearly see how my pornography use affected them now and I feel terrible.
I feel used by the porn industry. I was using a product which warped my psyche, damaged my relationships with others, and isolated me from society. It's a terrible feeling that you unwittingly fell into a trap. The revelation that society has oversexualized everything and porn is so easily accessible has made me resolve to avoid it at all costs. It has very nearly caused my marriage to dissolve. My wife and I are only hanging on by a thread at this point.
So ends my first journal entry.
This is my first entry of many. I am 34 years old as of the writing of this topic. Today marks 14 days being PM free. Why not PMO? I'm in a relationship and have been married for 6 years on August 2nd, 2019. I'm taking it slow and trying not to isolate myself too much from my wife. I know it will take longer to move on and fully reboot.
I previously admitted to having an issue with pornography to her. In reflection on my life I think that I've had this problem since I was very young, probably around pre-teens era. I've been using pornography since I was twelve, or twenty-two years. I tried to follow the program but fell off, slipping into my old habits. I don't know exactly why. I'm sure there were a lot of reasons.
Two weeks ago my wife and I got into it. She literally asked me "Why don't you want to have sex with me? Do you not love me or do you think I'm unattractive?" I ended up revealing that I had relapsed and had been on the PM train again, and had been for the last year. I may have only made it a month before I relapsed. This caused a huge rift between us and broke a lot of trust.
This time is different from the last. I've done much more self reflection, studying, participating in communities of others in similar situations, and reaching out for help from couples counselors. In retrospect I think that pornography has caused most if not all of my previous relationships to fail. I won't go into detail on each one of them, but I can clearly see how my pornography use affected them now and I feel terrible.
I feel used by the porn industry. I was using a product which warped my psyche, damaged my relationships with others, and isolated me from society. It's a terrible feeling that you unwittingly fell into a trap. The revelation that society has oversexualized everything and porn is so easily accessible has made me resolve to avoid it at all costs. It has very nearly caused my marriage to dissolve. My wife and I are only hanging on by a thread at this point.
So ends my first journal entry.