I may have this problem, can someone help me?

So I've been having this mad problem for the past few months.  I have been unable to sustain an erection unless it is constantly being stimulated.  As soon as I penetrate, within minutes I am flacid again.  This has been happening for a while now and I think it might be some form of performance anxiety loop where I almost expect it to happen, although I also find it hard to get into the mood and never feel as deeply aroused as I used to.  It's as though I almost find it boring to some extent.  I do not use porn so frequently anymore, however I used to use it a lot to get my rocks off when I was a teenager.  I do not easily achieve a strong erection, if at all and generally have to think about my partner in a pornographic way to climax whilst she is masturbating me. 

Someone please give me some advice, this is getting seriously frustrating now  

Thanks

Hi there, I'm in a similar situation in that I don't really use porn that often but I feel I suffer from some sort of dysfunction (PE in my case). I used to use porn quite a lot growing up, the past year or so no more than once a week. I feel that PE is to do with the use of porn.

Currently I'm trying out the whole NoFap thing to see if it delivers any positive results.

When you say infrequently, how often? Even using it every so often, the channels within your brain are remaining wired to excitement to porn. Do you obtain a hard on easily when using porn?

It may be worth you just packing it in altogether for a period, and seeing how well you perform with your partner.

By infrequent I mean once or twice a week.  Really depends if I'm on my own that night or not but I'm usually with my partner every other day.  I never used to have this problem, in fact I used to be able to achieve a solid erection and keep it for ages even whilst I was not being stimulated.  I think that comes from not being able to get so deeply into the mood these days, although I imagine it's because the impotence thing tends to stay on my mind.  Funny thing is I was watching a lot of porn at one point and still maintaining a brilliant sex life with an ex partner.  Now I hardly watch it and it decides to kick the bucket! 

You see I have a frequent and real source of sexual interaction, I just can't seem to maintain an erection or get deeply aroused.  Being masturbated is fine, although as stated I normally have imagine my partner in a typically pornographic way.

Having to think about porn while having sex to orgasm is a symptom of porn addiction.  I don't see those words, "porn addiction," in your post, and I have no way of knowing whether you are or not, but let me explain how the problem works.  We are all initially wired to be fascinated with sex.  Love it, hate it, enjoy it, be terrified of it; our brains are wired to be fascinated with thinking about sex.  This is especially true for guys hitting puberty.  When addicts find high speed internet porn, we have hit the jack pot.  I won't bore you with details but HSIP is a mechanism we use that allows us to think about sex constantly, and it never has to be with the same mental image, aka pornographic image or women.  Now--that's a problem because we evolved to think of sex with a real woman, and in reality most of us are only going to have sex with a handful of women.  Before HSIP the sexual reward pathway that was rewarded was intimacy with a real woman.  HSIP though opens up a new sexual reward pathway--now porn can be rewarded, and it can be rewarded over and over and over because it is perceived as endless, new, novel, sexual experiences.  When I say "rewarded" I mean with a dopamine high.  So, through HSIP, the natural sexual reward pathway of intimacy with a real woman becomes desensitized, and porn becomes highly sensitized.  Sounds to me, porn addiction aside, that you have watched sufficient amounts of porn that now only porn does it for you.  If in fact that is the case, it is fixable, but it will take some effort.  For one thing, you are going to have to relearn how to reward simple human intimacy, and that means during sex, you have to think of the woman you are with, and only her, and allow no pornographic images in your head.  In my experience, if you can do this you will find that for about the first six weeks, Oing with your partner will be less satisfying and more difficult than Oing while thinking of pornographic images.  But, if you can consistently focus only on your partner during this time, and have no pornographic thoughts during that six week period, then by the end of that period you probably will have re-sensitized your reward pathways to reward actual sex again. 

I think this is a choice you need to make.  In the midst of my addiction I could not O with my partner, and before I understood what was going on, I finally managed to O, but only while thinking of pornographic images.  Once I understood the science behind the problem I was able to retrain my brain to reward good old fashioned sex while thinking only of my partner.  Now I only O while thinking of her, only during sex, and never while thinking of porn.  Ask yourself, is it fair to you or her that when you O you are not really Oing with her, but with some wacked out pornographic image of her.  I think it is time for you to fix this problem.

If you care to read more, my thread.

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

Peace.

This is some of the soundest sounding advice I've had so far, thank you   I think it would be easier for me to focus on her though if I could just maintain my erection long enough to actually please her.  Foreplay's great and that, but you know how it is haha.  I take it full fantasy/ pornographic abstinence is the way forward then?  Is there a way to get my penis working again sharpish at least? 

Stratolad said:

So I've been having this mad problem for the past few months.  I have been unable to sustain an erection unless it is constantly being stimulated.  As soon as I penetrate, within minutes I am flacid again.  This has been happening for a while now and I think it might be some form of performance anxiety loop where I almost expect it to happen, although I also find it hard to get into the mood and never feel as deeply aroused as I used to.  It's as though I almost find it boring to some extent.  I do not use porn so frequently anymore, however I used to use it a lot to get my rocks off when I was a teenager.  I do not easily achieve a strong erection, if at all and generally have to think about my partner in a pornographic way to climax whilst she is masturbating me. 

Someone please give me some advice, this is getting seriously frustrating now  

Thanks

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This sounds like classic PIED. The inability to get an erection without stimulation PLUS thinking about someone in a pornographic way...what else could it be?

I think a reboot will do you good man! The first step is coming to terms with never watching pornography again. That's really important! Once you have reasoned with this and are capable of staying away from porn, I also recommend not masturbating or orgasming at all. Generally, total abstinence of orgasms is the quickest and surest way to reboot. This is because that an orgasm, even to masturbation or with a partner, still stimulates the porn part of the brain for awhile after quitting porn. Quitting orgasms helps rewire this!

Good luck man! I started rebooting because I had ED, but I realized that I had MUCH more emotional and mental reasons to quit porn after my reboot was under way!

Stratolad said:

This is some of the soundest sounding advice I've had so far, thank you   I think it would be easier for me to focus on her though if I could just maintain my erection long enough to actually please her.  Foreplay's great and that, but you know how it is haha.  I take it full fantasy/ pornographic abstinence is the way forward then?  Is there a way to get my penis working again sharpish at least?

Click to expand...

The guys who have severe porn induced erectile dysfunction can't get it up for reality anymore, but only with porn, and in the latter stages, not even with that any more.  The fact you can still rise to the occasion is a good thing, meaning it could be worse.  Also, the fact that you can O during physical intimacy is also a good sign--true, you have to use porn visualization to achieve it--but the ones that have it really bad simply cannot O without directly experiencing porn in real time.  I never had PIED.  I can report, though, that once I got clear of porn addiction it worked a lot better than it had when operating while addicted.  The main thing is--and this will start out difficult and become easier over time--focus only on her, your brain is going to want to use pornographic images to get a quicker dopamine fix, but you have to deny that, and let her be the thing that does it for you.  That is literally rewiring your brain to reward sex with her and away from rewarding pornographic thoughts and images.

Peace.