The Renewed Mind

C

Chip

Guest
  • August 7, 2016

    Today marks the completion of my, "official" 90 Day Reboot, that I began on May 9, 2016 after having a couple of what I call, "false starts".  You see one of the things I've learned over the course of my time on RN is, you have to have a "Heart Change" to be able to overcome the temptation for the sin of lust, adultery, fornication, Idolatry & covetousness, aka "Porn".  You see porn is a confluence of multiple sins and without the heart change I would never have found the lasting freedom from these sins.  RN enabled me to find and understand what scripture had been telling me on how to deal with these sins along with the science that agrees with the scripture.  Like a lot of men, deep down I was afraid to let porn fully go, I'd always used it for whatever was ailing me, boredom, stress, pain, guilt, shame, but porn doesn't ever really treat these issues it just traps you in a loop of habitual sin, going round and round. 

    My relationship with Porn began when I was 8, I'm 46 now, so I wasted 38 years that I could've been using to do good things, unselfish things.  I was raised in a Christian home, I am a Christian to this day, but during my time with porn I was living a double life and truthfully I was miserable.  I understand full well what the Bible means when it says, "you can't serve two masters" because there were plenty of times I felt like my mind, my soul was being torn in two.  My parents had no idea I was struggling and honestly when I was younger I myself didn't realize the harm I was doing to myself and those I cared about.  Porn wasn't something allowed in our house, but my friend across the street, his dad had a vast library, a complete separate room filled with it.

    I came to RN on March 14, 2016 and signed in as "Trader22".  I had my first false start last 17 days and I wasn't using filters at that time.  I was so ashamed I left RN for 11 days and binged until I was thoroughly disgusted and came back.  My next false start lasted 23 days and again I wasn't using any filters.  This time I deleted my account and left RN to binge for 5 days until I returned to RN for my final "Reboot", which began May 9, 2016.  My best advice I can give is learn everything you can about; the porn industry, Dopamine and porn addiction.  Second, if you drop the ball, don't do what I did and leave, stay and confess it.  Learn from your falls, strengthen your defenses, use filters and blockers like K9 & Pluckeye.  Read your bible, what you'll learn is that the scripture recommends many of the same things mentioned here to deal with sexual sins.

    The wisest most honest man on RN is William, if you read his thread (that I'm gonna give you a link to), and you follow his directions explicitly, I believe any man can be "One and Done".  If you try to go cafeteria style, it doesn't usually workout so well.  Go check out William and get your life back.  I had hoped to be more eloquent with this thread, but I'm struggling to come up with what to say.  My thanks to Gabe Dean for starting RN and my thanks to William for getting me on the right path.  Thank you also to the many men who encouraged me and share their wisedom and experiences with me as we fought together.  Finally, thank you to my Lord and savior Jesus Christ for dying for my sins and leading me to Reboot Nation.  Below I've listed the steps I took to finally break free of this sinful merry go round as well as my journal and Williams.

    William - "Hello Gentlemen, Now we begin"
    http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

    Chip - "The Renewing of my Mind"
    http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=8727.0
    • Confession of all Sins.  1 John 1:9 (NKJV)
      9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
      Confession consists of two parts, first you admit what was done.  Second, you must agree with God that what was done is a sin and realize the significance of it.
    • Repentance of Sins.(To turn away from them)  Ezekiel 14:6 (NKJV)
      6 ?Therefore say to the house of Israel, ?Thus says the Lord God: ?Repent, turn away from your idols, and turn your faces away from all your abominations.
      Repentance is a turning away from, going in the opposite direction, learning new habits.  80% of what we do everyday is out of habit.
    • Pluck out and Cut off access & ability to sin.  Matthew 5:29-30 NKJV
      29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
      30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
      How we go about, "Plucking out & Cutting off" is to Install adult filters/blockers on all computers/mobile devices (I use K9 and Pluckeye)
    • Flee temptation.  1 Corinthians 10:12-14 NKJV
      12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.
      13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
      14 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
      A lot of Christian men mistakenly think God wants us to face down temptation, but this is unnecessary and I believe rooted in pride.  The Bible clearly instructs us to FLEE temptation because our flesh is weak.  When temptation presents itself either in thought or urge its important we don't engage it.  Instead of trying "NOT" to think of porn/lust, practice putting your mind on good things, Holy things, uplifting things and in this way the temptation will pass. 
    • Take every thought captive.  2 Corinthians 10:5 NKJV
      5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
      This battle is fought in your mind and your heart, not your pants.  So it is essential to victory to take every thought captive and not let any thoughts in that we don't want.
    • Strength in Numbers  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  NKJV
      9 Two are better than one,
      Because they have a good reward for their labor.
      10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
      But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
      For he has no one to help him up.
      11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
      But how can one be warm alone?
      12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
      And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
      Going it alone isn't necessary or advised by the bible, we need support like RN and our spouses.  So post on RN daily and educate yourself on what your dealing with, what to expect along the way and be encouraged as you encourage others.
    • The Bride of your Youth.  Proverbs 5:18-19 NKJV
      18 Let your fountain be blessed,
      And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
      19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
      Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
      And always be enraptured with her love.
      Save all your attention and desire for your bride and you will be blessed.
    • No Alcohol during Reboot.  1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV)
      8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
      Drinking even in moderation during a Reboot opens the door for a weak moment and leads to relapses far too often.
    • Nature Abhors a Vacuum.
      80% of what humans do during a day is done out of habit, we've developed a really bad habit in porn and we need to replace it with a healthy one.  Some good habits are Prayer, Bible Study and physical activity.
    • Bet on Victory
      For me I needed some extra traction to get the ball rolling, I'd been addicted a long time, but had never felt the pain of porn addiction other than my own guilt and conviction.  I bet on myself succeeding, I left myself no outs and I took something of extreme personal value and wagered it against me looking at Porn even once more.  On my honor, if I failed the item was to be destroyed.
    • Make a Covenant with you eyes.
      My final gambit of insurance was I made a covenant with my eyes, that I was never to look at or listen to porn of any sort ever again.  I adopted a Zero Porn policy, in writing and i signed it.  Below is that list, feel free to copy it.


    A ZERO PORN POLICY
    • NO P-Subs(FB & Twitter, etc.)
    • NO Erotic stories
    • NO Fantasy, AT ALL.
    • NO Listening to sexual sounds or audio
    • NO suggestive music
    • NO Nudity(TV or Movies)
    • NO Simulated sex(TV or Movies)
    • NO Edging or stimulative touching.
    • NO MASTURBATING, PERIOD.
      ***Sex should be limited to your spouse, but for a stronger more complete reboot, do the "HARD 90", but only if you and your wife agree to it.***
      ** Post on RN Daily **
      ** Setup a counter **
      ** Read success stories and study, study, study. **


    TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.  PRAY AND STUDY SCRIPTURE DAILY.  HAVE FAITH.
 
Honest John

Honest John

Member
Hi Chip, thanks for that link to William's post. Withdrawal. Okay, now I am nervous. Yow. I don't want my teeth to hurt. Really? I'm going to watch his video now.
 
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Iamfreeindeed

Member
Hi Chip

Thanks for this, I've just relapsed and I'm wondering when I am going to take this seriously. When was your moment of real turning away?
 
C

Chip

Guest
Iamfreeindeed said:
Hi Chip

Thanks for this, I've just relapsed and I'm wondering when I am going to take this seriously. When was your moment of real turning away?
Click to expand...
Well to be quite truthful it didn't exactly happen in an instant, the decision and realization was made May 9th after a relapse/binge that lasted several days.  My search for the exit from the porn circus began in late 2003, but for me it took a while to put all the pieces together.  You see for years I was stuck in the cycle of, "relapse> binge> confess> repent> repeat>".  Only my understanding of repent wasn't exactly complete or accurate.  I was under the impression that when I confessed and prayed for forgiveness, that this equaled repentance and that the urges and desires would disappear, they don't.  You see what we've done is hijack our natural God given urges and desires and attempted to satisfy them with porn and masturbation, not good. 

1 John 1:9 says this,
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

That's just the start, next comes Repentance which involves a complete change in how we act, live and think.  This part involves dedication, commitment and humility, which is a stumbling block for a lot of guys.  You see we as men like to be seen as strong, in charge and leaders, but pride can sneak in here and hinder the efforts to repent.  Repenting involves action, not just a heart felt apology, but a willingness to do whats commanded to keep ourselves from falling back into sin.  You see what we suffer from is, "adultery in the heart" and the way we are commanded to deal with it is, "To Cut off and Pluck out"(Matthew 5:27-30) which says this,

27 ?You have heard that it was said to those of old, ?You shall not commit adultery.?
28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Whats involved with this part is where the commitment you mentioned comes in, along with humility.  We have to do things like:
  • Install Filters and image blockers on our PC's and devices if possible.
  • We have to downgrade from smart phones to flips.
  • We have to give our tablets to a friend to hold while we reboot.
  • We have to get rid of any images we've saved.
  • We have to get rid of all suggestive music
  • We have to get rid of and movies we have with nudity, simulated sex or suggestive scenes.
  • We have to scrub our lives completely of any and all sexual impurity.

God only does business with people who are serious and if a man isn't willing to do ALL these kinds of things, to insure against further falls into sin, then they won't succeed.  My hangup for a long time was the filters, I had a bad experience with one, years ago and I just tried to do it thru sheer willpower, but...  If we had the willpower to stop, we would have already stopped, but science can explain why this is.  You need to learn about the, "PFC - Pre-Frontal Cortex", this is the part of the brain were inhibition is controlled, but because we chose to override this God given feature in our brains, over and over, now our brain isn't throwing up the stop sign anymore.  This is how you can suddenly realize your looking at porn and sometimes not remember going to look for it, its a habit.  Actually its a two-fold thing with many features, one is the habit part where you just look at porn because its 2 oclock or whatever.  The second part is the chemical addiction we have to "Dopamine".  The chemical part for most guys is usually under control by like day 56, once the "DeltaFosB" has cleared your neural pathways.  Those paths will always exist, but they won't be super conductive anymore, making it easier to resist any temptations. 

For me when I read William's post(The link is in my other post) about 2 kinds of guys and the decision you have to make, that sealed it for me, I wanted out.  Leave this stuff behind, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  If your really ready to be "Free Indeed" drop everything and seek God with all your heart, mind and soul.  Hope this helps.

Chip

P.S.  I even got rid of my cable tv, I just have a Roku stick and watch old shows on Hulu/Netflix or read.
 
TK-421

TK-421

Active Member
To my RN Twin,

Congratulations on the renewing of your mind all of your recent success here Chip. This really is a place of renewal.  It is heartwarming to see the guys that really want out of the madhouse find success. We have similar stories in that we tried for a number of years to find a way out and couldn't seem to do it. You started in 2003 and I think it was in 2009 for me that I really started to try to find ways to change my behaviours and start living like I really felt I wanted and needed to, with honesty and integrity. We ended up here at about the same time, with William's teachings having a big influence on both of us. We were even RN Twins with the same start date for a while until my stumble.

You have been a great support to me and many others on RN.  We need guys like you in order for the message to be passed along so the new guy can have the path shown to him as well (if it wasn't for guys like William and Gary, I have no doubt that I would still be stumbling around in the darkness wondering what was wrong with me). I have no doubt that I will make the 90 days this time, and I thank you for your part in helping to reach that goal. (And, if you don't mind, I will continue to think of you as my RN Twin.)

TK-421
 
C

Chip

Guest
I wanted to touch on honesty this morning, during my morning Bible study I was reading in Philippians 4 and it was talking about the things we "Should" be thinking about, where we should put our minds.  I've said it many times and its still true, this battle with porn and lust is won and lost in the mind, not our pants.  I often spend my time cruising around RN looking at journals and seeing where I think I can help a person.  Now some journals I just leave and never comment once I read what they have to say.  If a man/woman isn't sincere about breaking free from porn or they want to argue instead of listening, I just delete whatever I've written and move on.  For example I've read a few journals that were full of bragging instead of being humble and contrite. 

They make excuses for their choices like,
"I have a high sex drive" or
"My scrotum feels like a grapefruit, I have to let it out" or
"The pressure in my junk is too much" or
"Its my wife's fault for being frigid" and on and on. 

All of this is excuse, if you can't own up to it, you won't have lasting victory.  Nobody is burdened with a libido that is uncontrollable, you just choose not to be obedient and now its a habit attached to an addiction. 

Some will argue the MO causes no issue on its own, that they can do it strictly to sensation and no images enter their mind.  I myself never could, if I was gonna do it I wanted the experience to be all it could be and I imagined whatever flavor I was into at the time.  Once I started rebooting I attempted to curtail my MO to be solely about my wife, but what I found was this made me susceptible to want more and to seek out porn as well.  In the end I opted to forgo any MO at all during my reboot and only enjoyed relations with my wife.  I'm not taking a stand one way or the other on MO as far as a married man thinking of his bride, but in regards to rebooting I think its best left alone.  Masturbation is Not a necessity, while its true the human male produces 1 million sperm on average everyday, the body has ways of dealing with the excess.  Most will be released in you urine when you relief yourself and some during nocturnal emission, but it is possible to exist and be healthy without masturbation.  The reason you have that urge, the feeling of burning in your pants is because your mind is telling it to feel that way so you'll be tempted to PMO, but this is because you've trained your minds reward circuitry to respond this way.  You see whatever we allow ourselves to look at and think about, it effects the brain, its called stimulation.  Now if we choose to we can change what we see(ie, averting our eyes) and think(ie, Pure thoughts instead of fantasy) and bring our bodies into obedience, but it requires a choice and a commitment.  If your just floating along, praying God will take all this away and hoping it will be different this time, it won't be.  Praying and confession are the exact place to start, but it takes action and dedication on our part to make it happen.  Unless you make the necessary changes and break the cycle you'll just keep going around and around.

I'm gonna share 2 pieces of scripture to make my point and then I'll move on for today.

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

This scripture demonstrates what I'm saying about nobody being in more distress than others.  We all get tempted, buts God won't allow it to be more than we can tolerate.  This is good news, it means this fight is win-able, even when it doesn't feel that way or because we've failed so many times before.

Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy?meditate on these things.

This scripture is what kinds of things we should put our minds and eyes on.  It takes effort to change a habit, but it can be done.  Never try to face a tempting urge or thought head on by saying, "I'm Not gonna think about this or that", instead use thought replacement.  Ignore the urge, turn your back on it and fill your mind with good things, pure things, holy things.

Chip
 
Gracie

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Chip you are so right.  If we all look hard enough, and manipulate words enough, we can justify anything that we do.  When it comes to marriage though, some people forget some very important things:

1.  You chose the person you are with!  I repeat: You chose the person you are with! 

2.  You love/loved the person you are with.

3.  Secrets do not belong in a marriage.  Ever.

4.  Everyone's body changes as we get older.  There is nothing wrong with having an older body.

5.  Marriage takes work.

6.  If something is wrong, wife sick, wife fat, stressed out why is touching your penis the answer? 

7.  Your partner is choosing to stay with you as you reboot because they love you.

Sorry for bold but that is a list of things that popped into my mind.

 
B

Branch

Guest
Chip said:
Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy?meditate on these things.

This scripture is what kinds of things we should put our minds and eyes on.  It takes effort to change a habit, but it can be done.  Never try to face a tempting urge or thought head on by saying, "I'm Not gonna think about this or that", instead use thought replacement.  Ignore the urge, turn your back on it and fill your mind with good things, pure things, holy things.

Chip
Click to expand...

Philippians 4:8 is so beautiful and so true.  I remember hearing it in church years ago. So wonderful to see it again.  I will follow this during my reboot.

Thanks, Chip.

Branch
 
B

byhisgraceillmakeit

Member
Hey Chip! Its always great to get Christian perspectives up here because there aren't too many. Great post! I too am Christian (grew up in christian household as well) but i found myself bound to sin ignorantly in college. Im currently 27 & and I almost a year into rebooting & I also was never able to stop completely until i gave this all to God. I completely changed my life back around. I don't even hang with any of the same folks anymore & I'm glad for that. Im glad you shared this post because I still need to do better at not looking at P Subs as we call them. Ive taken breaks from them & always delete the apps from my devices bit i always ended browsing up there again.

Ive almost been rebooting for a full year & I can honestly admit I've only M 5 or 6 times (with no P of course) and my goal was to never do it ever again so i failed in that regard. so maybe i need to take a further step away from social media & even video to get fully recovered. i feel I'm closer than ever to being well but maybe i just need to do this to get over the hump. My only problem is the headaches i get every single day that really have been holding me back. on going since april smh.

Sorry for ranting to you haha, but Im believing God will restore my mind soon, just wanted to say thanks for blessing me with this post brother!
 
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