Hi! I'm 27 years old, I eat healthy, lift weights, don't drink much - all the right things, one would think. Despite not watching that much porn, I've had problems with ED, especially in bed with someone. I've only gone 2 weeks so far, but this community has given me optimism. I had absolutely no idea that such huge numbers of young guys were facing this issue, and it's very interesting to read all the research and anecdotes.
Here's my story:
1. Teenage years
I started masturbating around age 13, no porn. To begin with, I kind of knew that porn wasn't good for me, so I (mostly) stayed away from it. However, I stumbled upon a few misunderstandings later on:
1. I'd start jerking off almost every night, because one friend said it really helped him sleep (it really does). Even if I didn't have an erection or feel particularly aroused, I would force it (no porn).
2. Another friend talked enthusiastically about masturbating fast and with a hard grip. Not knowing any better, I imagined that's what sex would be like anyway, so I started doing that too.
3. Boners in class happened all the time, so I trained myself to prevent them, and increasingly viewed them with shame.
4. In my early 20s when I finally decided to understand how to interact with girls, I reasoned that if I didn't masturbate regularly to porn, I'd cum in like 10 seconds. I only watched sporadically, like one week on, two weeks off. I'd watch 1 or 2 videos the first night, then 2-3, then 5-6, and then I'd just go from one video to the other nearly an hour, realizing the madness and stopping porn again for a few weeks.
2. Shame and depression
In my teens, I developed a lot of shame and fear around my (completely normal) attraction to girls. I was really afraid of being labeled a perv, making girls uncomfortable, subjecting myself and her to ridicule. I had heard people talk in those terms about friends of mine who were bullied, and even though I was well liked, fit in socially, looked good and played sports, I took it to heart.
I think it might also have been due to shaming comments in society around male sexuality, and a lack of kind confident role models in that area. Eventually, I also started viewing most aspects of myself negatively (my introversion, childishness, even my enthusiasm). Two years of high school, I was so depressed that not a week went by where I couldn't get out of bed. It got better for whatever reason towards the end of HS, but has been with me to an extent ever since.
3. Sexual experiences
Age 21, I kissed a girl for the first time. I didn't experience anything like the perfect '80s movie rush with fireworks in the background I had been dreaming of my whole life, but figured that was probably because of the alcohol (like 2-3 beers, haha).
Later that year, I also got in bed with a girl for the first time. I was almost completely limp, and couldn't believe it. After all, I had regularly gotten involuntary boners in class a few years back! With a lot of work, I got a semi going and got a blowjob, but it took me an agonizing eternity to finish, and I didn't enjoy it.
In later experiences, I -have- gotten hard and had pre-cum with clothes on, but mostly gone soft once clothes come off. I've only done PIV once in my life, four years ago. I've never felt that much physically, in terms of butterflies, excitement, and those things. Don't get me wrong - I've had some fun, loving and pleasurable experiences, but I just wish I'd have a proper erection and actually feel really excited.
4. Recently
I've recently decided to face areas of my life that need attention, such as career, finances, relationships, social life, internet addiction and sex. I heard about NoFap earlier, but figured that was for hardcore porn addicts, not casuals like me who could easily abstain. I just figured I had performance anxiety or got excited too early. After all, what else could be causing ED in a young fit guy eating lots of fish and vegetables?
It's now been about 2 weeks since I figured I'd stop porn and masturbation to start the recovery process. On a couple of occasions now, I've met attractive women and felt butterflies almost stronger than I felt when I was 14. I did commit earlier this year to let myself to feel such things fully, but it only gotten that strong since I started rebooting, and it's such a fantastic feeling.
The drive to do hard work also seems heightened: now when I've read things, I've actually taken action. Nothing much has happened in terms of the ED itself yet, but I know it's still very early. I'm feeling optimistic.
I know hard times may lie ahead, but it feels great to finally take responsibility, and I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone.
Thanks for reading!
Here's my story:
1. Teenage years
I started masturbating around age 13, no porn. To begin with, I kind of knew that porn wasn't good for me, so I (mostly) stayed away from it. However, I stumbled upon a few misunderstandings later on:
1. I'd start jerking off almost every night, because one friend said it really helped him sleep (it really does). Even if I didn't have an erection or feel particularly aroused, I would force it (no porn).
2. Another friend talked enthusiastically about masturbating fast and with a hard grip. Not knowing any better, I imagined that's what sex would be like anyway, so I started doing that too.
3. Boners in class happened all the time, so I trained myself to prevent them, and increasingly viewed them with shame.
4. In my early 20s when I finally decided to understand how to interact with girls, I reasoned that if I didn't masturbate regularly to porn, I'd cum in like 10 seconds. I only watched sporadically, like one week on, two weeks off. I'd watch 1 or 2 videos the first night, then 2-3, then 5-6, and then I'd just go from one video to the other nearly an hour, realizing the madness and stopping porn again for a few weeks.
2. Shame and depression
In my teens, I developed a lot of shame and fear around my (completely normal) attraction to girls. I was really afraid of being labeled a perv, making girls uncomfortable, subjecting myself and her to ridicule. I had heard people talk in those terms about friends of mine who were bullied, and even though I was well liked, fit in socially, looked good and played sports, I took it to heart.
I think it might also have been due to shaming comments in society around male sexuality, and a lack of kind confident role models in that area. Eventually, I also started viewing most aspects of myself negatively (my introversion, childishness, even my enthusiasm). Two years of high school, I was so depressed that not a week went by where I couldn't get out of bed. It got better for whatever reason towards the end of HS, but has been with me to an extent ever since.
3. Sexual experiences
Age 21, I kissed a girl for the first time. I didn't experience anything like the perfect '80s movie rush with fireworks in the background I had been dreaming of my whole life, but figured that was probably because of the alcohol (like 2-3 beers, haha).
Later that year, I also got in bed with a girl for the first time. I was almost completely limp, and couldn't believe it. After all, I had regularly gotten involuntary boners in class a few years back! With a lot of work, I got a semi going and got a blowjob, but it took me an agonizing eternity to finish, and I didn't enjoy it.
In later experiences, I -have- gotten hard and had pre-cum with clothes on, but mostly gone soft once clothes come off. I've only done PIV once in my life, four years ago. I've never felt that much physically, in terms of butterflies, excitement, and those things. Don't get me wrong - I've had some fun, loving and pleasurable experiences, but I just wish I'd have a proper erection and actually feel really excited.
4. Recently
I've recently decided to face areas of my life that need attention, such as career, finances, relationships, social life, internet addiction and sex. I heard about NoFap earlier, but figured that was for hardcore porn addicts, not casuals like me who could easily abstain. I just figured I had performance anxiety or got excited too early. After all, what else could be causing ED in a young fit guy eating lots of fish and vegetables?
It's now been about 2 weeks since I figured I'd stop porn and masturbation to start the recovery process. On a couple of occasions now, I've met attractive women and felt butterflies almost stronger than I felt when I was 14. I did commit earlier this year to let myself to feel such things fully, but it only gotten that strong since I started rebooting, and it's such a fantastic feeling.
The drive to do hard work also seems heightened: now when I've read things, I've actually taken action. Nothing much has happened in terms of the ED itself yet, but I know it's still very early. I'm feeling optimistic.
I know hard times may lie ahead, but it feels great to finally take responsibility, and I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone.
Thanks for reading!