Checking in at the end of the day on day 1 before heading to bed.
I am not going to lie, I feel really daunted by this task. Fortunately I have read many journals on here and watched videos from Youtubers and they are helping to keep me inspired. I guess the truth is I have so far avoided taking this high road to being clean. Maybe because I was leaving a door open to fall back into the pit. Maybe because I really wasn't dedicated to this new lifestyle. I don't know.
Perhaps it will help to briefly share where I am in life right now. I feel like I am in a rut, and I know that PMOing is a big part of that. I have not felt the benefits of quitting alcohol (I am over 100 days sober of alcohol now) and of quitting social media. I am guessing it is because I am still PMOing off and on. I have made barely any headway at losing weight. Again, I feel that it is directly tied to this porn and masturbation addiction. I procrastinate over every important task. I am behind in my studying for my exams. I am behind in my job search and preparing for arriving back in the States. I have no discipline whatsoever. I feel very little joy at work, even on a good day with the kids. I feel that I am backward and do not live up to my 32 years of age. Add to this me continuously letting down my wife in these things, and I often feel that I am going nowhere. I feel like my heels are driven into the ground.
My goals:
To have studied for all four of my teaching exams before leaving for the States
To have a list of contacts prior to leaving that I can meet up with when wife and I arrive
To be at least ten pounds lighter when I leave for the states
To be a better, more supportive husband in general
And more
I want to be more consistent with exercising throughout the week, and I will begin a diet, as well as skipping dinners (intermittent fasting) to help lose the weight.
I know this seems like a lot, but some of this is easy, like skipping dinners (requiring only that I follow through). Others, like being more consistent in exercising tie to other goals in my list.
But now that I have written far too much, I am reminded that everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING depends on me quitting this detestable PMO habit.
So, that is what I am going to work on doing. One day at a time.
Today was difficult. I had deep cravings, but I held out. One day down.
See you guys tomorrow,
Rich