Steponeatatime said:
I?m curious how some here have dealt with extreme feelings of guilt? I realize I need to talk with someone about my problems but I?m so ashamed right now. I feel like because I not only watched porn but also posted a face pic, on a website that allowed for porn viewing and adult dating, that I am really worthless. What?s my problem? Why did I do that? And now that it?s done how do I move past it? Has anyone else get this way and how did you get over it/get help?
I just want to add I know some of my problems stem from issues with my dad (we met for the first time when I was 29 and he has another family and doesn?t want me to meet my half siblings), my grandmother dying and some work related depression. I guess I just never felt like I?ve had any support from anyone but my mom and now I let her down with this addiction. Years ago she caught me twice with porn and I still got addicted for another 10 years. I know I?m better then this. Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for sharing. First off, I would say that you need to understand why you feel this guilt. Is it simply guilt and shame from your porn habits, or is it something that is underlying? If the guilt stems solely from porn use, then the most logical answer would be to remove porn from your life. If this guilt stems from elsewhere, then other issues need to be identified and dealt with accordingly.
Porn use tends to be a chicken-and-egg type situation. Do we compulsively use porn because we are unhappy, or are we unhappy because we compulsively use porn? Everyone's experience is different, but I believe that I fall into the latter category. Sure, my initial drift towards porn may have been spurred by unhappiness, sexual frustration or general life difficulties, but like all addictive behaviours, the initial cause ceased to be relevant, and the real problem became the use of porn itself. The first step towards fixing yourself lies in breaking that destructive feedback loop.
As far as shame goes, I, like you, have no desire to discuss this subject with friends or family. Happily, this forum is the ideal place to discuss whatever may be on your mind without any fear of judgement or opprobrium. We are all in the same boat.
I'm sorry to read about your personal problems. I can relate, as my childhood was quite disruptive, and my relationship with my parents (and my satisfaction with work) has not always been good. It may be tempting to attribute all personal problems to childhood trauma (and childhood trauma is a serious issue, make no mistake), but in the case of any addiction, it may help to explain life choices, but it does nothing to treat the condition.
For example, if traumatic life experiences had led me to become an alcoholic, ruminating over things would be of no use treating the addiction. Only dealing with the addiction itself (in this case compulsive porn use) is of any use. Underlying problems can be dealt with at a later date. Dealing with the most immediate, and harmful, behaviour is the absolute priority.
Sorry if that came across as a lecture. In a way, I'm actually talking to myself, but I truly believe that once self-destructive behaviours have been dealt with, then the ability to deal with life's difficulties becomes less of an impossibility.