H
HumbleRich
Guest
I apologjze ladies in advance for mansplaining, but I have had enough. Lately I have been seeing a lot of addicts who are not recovering making blatantly misogynistic statements, silencing women who have "the gall" to explain all of this from a woman's perspective as well as talking about relationships and relationship recovery, and entire threads devoted to discussing f#@&ing women. Let this be clear, if you are only abstaining from masturbation and porn so that you can use and abuse a woman in real life you are everything that is wrong with this world! You may even be worse than Weinstein, because unlike him you are anonymous, your mental sickness relatively hidden. You might as well just stick to abusing yourself and your own body.
This is a neuropsychological and chemical addiction. There is no question about this. But it is also a psychological/social compulsive habit. When we act out we are acting out misogyny, sexism, and the objectification and abuse of women.
For most of us, we know that a real woman would not tolerate our psychological abuse in real life. We know she would not let us use her. So we use a woman on the internet instead. But there is empirical proof that our activities in our fantasy world and online influence our actions in real life. What we do online informs how we treat people in reality.
Porn use makes us more misogynistic, more abusive, and less socially effective.
The proof is in tbe pudding. Just look at the majority of threads on this support board to see it. Most threads on this board treat women like material objects, to be traded in, exchanged, abused, and thrown away. That is the source of the emotional turmoil you see over on the partner's side. Their feelings are real. They are the reality for those women. Your opinion does not matter. It is the reality. This addiction destroys marriages, tears relationships apart.
Not because porn is bad in and of itself. I feel that I do not have the moral right to make such a judgment. But I feel it is obvious that there are serious ramifications to partaking in these behaviors.
This support board is a space for healing for both addicts and their partners, as well as for women who had to call it quits. It is a space for people to figure thejr lives out. For men (I am generalizing here) to ba e a serious contemplation about their balues and their feelings and thoughts about women, about relationships, and what they feel they want in their lives.
It is a space for serious discussions about sexual and romantic relationships and the dynamics that work and those that don't. It is not a soace to continue the abjse of women. In AA there is a term for alcoholics who refuse to do the emotional and behavioral work, dry drunks. These are alcoholics who may ba e quit drinking, but who will inevitably go back to hitting the bottle because they have done nothing to work on tbe source of the addiction in tbe first place. They refuse to look at their failure to abide by values and principles, their selfish behaviors, and the resentments they have failed to resolve.
There are a lot of dry porn addicts in here, and their threads threaten the stability and progress of those who do want to leave all of this stuff behind. There are married men who want to learn how to be good husbands. Good, strong men who want to improve their character. Their voices get drowned out by this babble of sex dolls and hedonism.
If you are determined to maintain your troubled life as it exists, to live "the unexamined life", that is your prerogative. No one can tell you not to. You would certainly be kicked out of any real 12 step program or any other organized process, but there is no one exclaiming that you cannot live that way. But you speak of abuse towards others. And frankly that is an abuse of this board. Ideally keep such sexist and misogynistic thoughts to yourself. No one wants to hear them. Your life is your own. No one elses. But kindly respect others who use the board, appreciating that there are people who are seriously creating change in their lives.
Peace.
This is a neuropsychological and chemical addiction. There is no question about this. But it is also a psychological/social compulsive habit. When we act out we are acting out misogyny, sexism, and the objectification and abuse of women.
For most of us, we know that a real woman would not tolerate our psychological abuse in real life. We know she would not let us use her. So we use a woman on the internet instead. But there is empirical proof that our activities in our fantasy world and online influence our actions in real life. What we do online informs how we treat people in reality.
Porn use makes us more misogynistic, more abusive, and less socially effective.
The proof is in tbe pudding. Just look at the majority of threads on this support board to see it. Most threads on this board treat women like material objects, to be traded in, exchanged, abused, and thrown away. That is the source of the emotional turmoil you see over on the partner's side. Their feelings are real. They are the reality for those women. Your opinion does not matter. It is the reality. This addiction destroys marriages, tears relationships apart.
Not because porn is bad in and of itself. I feel that I do not have the moral right to make such a judgment. But I feel it is obvious that there are serious ramifications to partaking in these behaviors.
This support board is a space for healing for both addicts and their partners, as well as for women who had to call it quits. It is a space for people to figure thejr lives out. For men (I am generalizing here) to ba e a serious contemplation about their balues and their feelings and thoughts about women, about relationships, and what they feel they want in their lives.
It is a space for serious discussions about sexual and romantic relationships and the dynamics that work and those that don't. It is not a soace to continue the abjse of women. In AA there is a term for alcoholics who refuse to do the emotional and behavioral work, dry drunks. These are alcoholics who may ba e quit drinking, but who will inevitably go back to hitting the bottle because they have done nothing to work on tbe source of the addiction in tbe first place. They refuse to look at their failure to abide by values and principles, their selfish behaviors, and the resentments they have failed to resolve.
There are a lot of dry porn addicts in here, and their threads threaten the stability and progress of those who do want to leave all of this stuff behind. There are married men who want to learn how to be good husbands. Good, strong men who want to improve their character. Their voices get drowned out by this babble of sex dolls and hedonism.
If you are determined to maintain your troubled life as it exists, to live "the unexamined life", that is your prerogative. No one can tell you not to. You would certainly be kicked out of any real 12 step program or any other organized process, but there is no one exclaiming that you cannot live that way. But you speak of abuse towards others. And frankly that is an abuse of this board. Ideally keep such sexist and misogynistic thoughts to yourself. No one wants to hear them. Your life is your own. No one elses. But kindly respect others who use the board, appreciating that there are people who are seriously creating change in their lives.
Peace.
