Day One of Forever - No More Relapses!

I've been trying this for years. Years. With mixed results. Like many of you, I've been using PMO since my teens, but I didn't sense it was a problem until recently. I started making efforts to quit about two years ago. I've managed to string 60 days together several times, but I've always managed to relapse somehow.

This is day one of a different strategy. I need to remember that I can't just be myself without PMO, I have to actually become a different and more healthy version of myself. This involves reducing alcohol, nicotine, exercising more and working more on things that I enjoy.

So far in 2017, I've managed more than two runs of more than 60 days clean. I was doing so well, but a really stressful situation came up that ultimately lead to me giving in. I need to figure out ways of managing stress better.  This time it's going to be forever. I'm going to post on here everyday to update you guys on my progress. In this, I'll post (3) things I've learned each day. Here are my three for today:

*Start every day with meditation
*Agree to big plans - change is commitment, not necessarily incremental
*Challenge your beliefs - they need to change in order to beat this.
 

a_opal

Member
I've been in the flatline twice, and I've gone without it for 3 months at a time, multiple times. I don't even crave it but then I'll get triggered and end up going back for one more time, and then it's another 3 months... I mean this is why I'm here now, I relapsed again and now I'm going to start taking this community seriously and see if this will finally curb this horrible addiction. I've been keeping active, lost 2 stone, interacting with females and yet I'm still tied to this. I guess you've got to keep going through hell to get through it! Fully supporting you mate, lets see if we can crack this once and for all! Working out simply helps just to take your mind off it!
 
Day Two

I've tried many different methods to kick this before. I guess, on the bright side, the time between relapses keeps getting longer, but the despair that sets in afterwards keeps getting worse. I think that this will improve - ultimately, it's not getting clean that's hard, it's staying clean that's the problem.  Looking at it this way, the person that emerges from this will have to be a different - and better person.

Looking at normal addictive behavior, its the triggers that one has to look out for. Chances are, PMO is always going to be appealing for a long time - so managing triggers is the most effective way for now to beat it.

My thoughts for today:
* Set strict rules on computer usage (time and place)
* Keep an eye on other forms of stress relief that may be harmful (alcohol, internet browsing, social media etc.)
* Begin and end each day correctly - (maybe with meditiation and prayer).
 
Day Three

Still going strong. My days have been pretty good lately - I'm currently working on what is probably the most important project of my life (in the professional world), so I'm not really having any time to waste with regard to thinking about PMO etc. Keeping busy is key, as is exercising etc.

I think understanding how dopamine etc. does to us is helpful, but it's not the complete answer. Although the brain chemistry explains how we've come to be this way - it doesn't necessarily give us the tools to combat the effects. Getting through the first week and then onto the second week and beyond of flatlining is to be expected. One just needs to have the tools to deal with this correctly. I'll remember this as I move forward.

My thoughts for today:
* Wrap up loose ends - fix any triggers that lead to a relapse
* Don't forget what the change entails.
* Understand that this is your life now - constant vigilance.
 

a_opal

Member
I really like your "thoughts for the day" part. I feel like I am considering the exact same things atm, Today I downloaded video block and installed safe search on google to filter out as many triggers as possible. Keep going man.
 
Thanks! Good luck on the journey!

Day Four

I've been so busy lately I've barely had time to think - let alone about PMO. What I find incredible is that my work currently has me alone in my apartment in front of my laptop for hours a day, and I don't even think about PMO at all. I guess it shows the mental power at work here - that we are all capable of controlling our urges when we need to. It's more for me about reacting to the triggers that send me there - it may be just a learned habitual behavior from reacting to stress.

I've suffered anxiety quite badly in the past - so I think there is most likely a link there.

My thoughts for Today:

*There's no cavalry coming - you have to do this for yourself.
* You are stronger than you think.
* Personally - there are probably bigger things to work on personality wise than just PMO
 
Day 5

Busy day today - so I'll post a bit earlier than normal. I think its important to remember that this is a lonely addiction. For obvious reasons its something we always do alone - so I guess we can also feel lonely in recovery. Communities like this and reading about the subject are great to remind us that in fact we're not by ourselves. That other people feel this too. Don't forget that.

Thoughts for Today:

* Don't underestimate the importance of rest
* Try to be logical about this
* If exercising a lot -  vary it and try different kinds.
 
Day 6

This was the hardest day so far. I was working very late yesterday, so woke up groggy and tired. Throughout the day I found it hard to focus and thought about PMO a lot. Had to use a lot of willpower to make sure I was fine.

Which brings me to an interesting point - it's important not to expend willpower. While we can make schedules to follow (which means we don't use willpower  - we simply follow the schedule), life will often find a way to interrupt these schedules. This is when willpower is important. Willpower isn't enough to win the whole battle, but it's definitely helps through some rough patches. Be careful not to waste it.

Thoughts for today.

* There's no "one weird trick" to fix this problem - it requires discipline and long term effort.
* The road will be long. Try and remember where mistakes were made before and make sure to avoid these this time.
* Be brave!
 

a_opal

Member
Today has showed you that you can fight that urge, make sure to keep relaying today's success the next time it happens. Smashing it!
 
Day 7

Alright. Today was really tough, but I didn't crack. I was busy and had a crazy long day at work (my job means intense periods of work, followed by more chill times for sometimes weeks), and I was so so busy. A few times today, I found myself slipping into old thought patterns, remembering an old video for example, in an almost comforting way, which is nuts if you think about it.

However, as I was tempted, I tried to remember how low and destroyed I felt after my last relapse. The thought of going back there again kept me away from making any mistakes. I know the urges will decrease soon, but man today was rough.

Need to remember to meditate in the morning before I start my day.

Thoughts for today

* Smash the old rituals - make new ones that don't lead to PMO
* Don't trade temporary feelings for long term gains
* Be careful of getting preoccupied.
 
Day 8

Had an epic day in work so can't post for too long. I think I need to remember that when I feel under pressure/stressed/anxious I can't use PMO as an option to relieve it. It's just stupid to do so and doesn't solve anything.

Thoughts for today

* Be wary of wandering thoughts and eyes
* By now - it's clear I'm making progress.
* Meditate before doing anything else every day
 

MattS

Member
Best of luck buddy! Don't think of no fap as a challenge but a lifestyle change from getting off to cyber girls to the real thing.
 
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