63 and not too late to become a better person

buck9800

New Member
It's never too late to improve yourself, right? I have tried and failed at this task before. About 5 years ago I made a vow to leave porn behind. I lasted about a month and finally rationalized at the time that I was not going to be able to change my stripes. Five more years of downward spiral has brought me here. I need help. I am completely unproductive. If only I could........

I began my journey of awakening and masturbation (12yrs old?) in the usual way in the age of playboy magazines. Incredible thrills as I recall. Not really able to have much of a collection until around 18. From 18 on I always had a nice stack of mags to fantasize to. This was, of course, very secretive but looking back I'm sure everybody did it. No problems with erections if i was able to scare up a live encounter 4-5 times a year. (no gf until maybe 30). I would also rent vhs tapes from the adult store. Probably began that around age 25. With the tapes, it began to take longer and longer to achieve orgasm. Didn't really bother me at the time but it was indeed noticeable. GF came and went quickly. Porn/ masturbation continues until around age 40. Found a girl and decided to get married. Figured I'd dump the porn and switch to live sex. No prob, right? Wrong. Enter erectile difficulties. Wife, looking back, never was a trooper about it. Just made me feel worse by rolling over. Whatever. Computers came into our lives and I discovered online soft core. Awesome. Felt like heroin. Sex with wife was on life support. I recall feeling such Incredible guilt when I looked online at images. I was diagnosed with a depression. Prescribed SSRI antidepressant. Turns out it worked great for depression but caused my already delayed orgasm to delay further (like an hour or more). Ridiculous. Now I'm limpdick, can't come, wife doesn't understand. After 15 yrs sexless marriage we get divorced. Now I'm sitting at home alone with my computer for the past 8 years. Hours of porn surfing and taking hours to masturbate to orgasm. I need cialis to masturbate!!

I am going to begin with a classic reboot. possibly look for in person support at saa. I hope to bond and grow with you fine people as well. Thanks for listening!
 
J

J01

Guest
Buck, you are correct-it is never too late to start doing what is right.  I look forward to hearing of your success in this battle.  Take it a day at a time and make sure to read Your Brain On Porn or related materials to get a grasp of the neuoroscience behind the stuff.  Best wishes, and congratulations on making this good decision!
 

buck9800

New Member
Beginning Day 3 of this journey. I feel pretty strong but I realize it's early days. I went to an SAA meeting last night and I have to say it was kind of weird. I mean there are obviously a lot more sex related issues requiring treatment than my porn addiction. Not sure if I feel at ease in that setting but I could use some accountability and support. We'll see. In terms of motivation I feel there is a thing called your "why". When your "why" becomes big enough and clear to you, then you will have a better chance to succeed. I feel a strong desire to discard porn and pursue a "real" sexual relationship. I have just been lazy and allowed myself to be swept away on this tsunami of dopamine and whatever else the hell it is. Thanks for listening!
 

jjacks

Active Member
Buck,

It sounds like you want to to take control back and this is the first step. And it is never too late. I a 70 years old and have been PMO free for over three years now. I started, at 67, unable to get or sustain an erection for more than a minute or so. I have since regained full sexual performance now. It took a year or so but there were signs of recovery as early as 3 months  into the program. My journal describes the progress in great detail.

The process is simple (but not necessarily easy). Identify those things that trigger your porn activities. and try to remove them. Move your computer to a shared place or in front of a streetside window. Go for a walk or exercise when the urge happens. Listen to your peers here. And describe everything in your journal here, day by day. Count the days and accept any resets of your counter as part of the program.

Keep writing.

-jj (1117 days no PMO)
 

bob

Respected Member
Buck,

Similar experiences to mine. I finally started to work with SAA. Wasn't sure If it was for me. I would say two things.
  • Try it at least 6 times
  • If the group doesn't jive with you, try another

Its a struggle, I know. I have been clean for 100 some days (previously) then relapsed. Turned into a bit of a cycle. Working hard to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Peace
 
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