Sentimental_geek
Active Member
Hello all.
So I didn?t think i'd be back in this position again again, but alas I am!
I started rebooting n 2014 and built some success ans streaks and sorted out a LOT in my life. But over the last year or so, I?ve got back to a cycle of going a few weeks and relapsing. And recently, its got worse again. I feel like a bit of a failure for getting so far then falling back again. But I know there is no benefit to beating my self up. My latest relapse was today and the last couple of weeks especially I have been quite bad.
A bit of back ground: I'm 34 years old. I've had girlfriends but never properly had sex. I'm a self confessed nightmare with women. My upbringing consisted of a very abusive (physically and psychologically) father which then resulted in a messy parental divorce then being brought up by my mum. I told my dad to fuck off many years ago, He's a waste of space and time. I'm also dyslexic and only found out when I was 22. So as you can imagine i got a pounding at school from teachers and always thought I was stupid, even after graduating from university. I have had no real career to speak of, though recently quit my job to go back to university and study Psychology (started the course last week). A couple of years ago I had therapy for depression and anxiety which really helped . I never discussed the porn issues but covered a lot of childhood and dyslexia issues. I've also go more into things that interest me like joining toastmasters, outdoor stuff like camping and planning to go back to university. But, the porn monster has reared its head again. I really don?t want it to screw me over again and I?m starting to feel It will.
My big problem at th moment is trying to find ways round the open DNS blocker I have installed. From using yahoo images and duck duck go search engines without filters to even downloading a Tor browser to access porn sites. I'm not particularly proud of the last one as it basically like having no filter again. I also have an issue with masturbating first thing in the morning and rationalizing this is ok as its not with porn. Not that I have an issue with masturbation without porn per se, but its doing me no real favors. As i'm not working at the moment and studying, I am at home alot and using my computer to do university work. So i am getting triggered a bit mroe, tho as I said, I have been in a cycle of it for a year now having previously done well. Its especially frustrating as i have changed so much in my life but seem to be creeping back to the old habits when the going gets a little tough.
So here I go again! I want to properly cast of the shackles of this and move forward.
Thanks
So I didn?t think i'd be back in this position again again, but alas I am!
I started rebooting n 2014 and built some success ans streaks and sorted out a LOT in my life. But over the last year or so, I?ve got back to a cycle of going a few weeks and relapsing. And recently, its got worse again. I feel like a bit of a failure for getting so far then falling back again. But I know there is no benefit to beating my self up. My latest relapse was today and the last couple of weeks especially I have been quite bad.
A bit of back ground: I'm 34 years old. I've had girlfriends but never properly had sex. I'm a self confessed nightmare with women. My upbringing consisted of a very abusive (physically and psychologically) father which then resulted in a messy parental divorce then being brought up by my mum. I told my dad to fuck off many years ago, He's a waste of space and time. I'm also dyslexic and only found out when I was 22. So as you can imagine i got a pounding at school from teachers and always thought I was stupid, even after graduating from university. I have had no real career to speak of, though recently quit my job to go back to university and study Psychology (started the course last week). A couple of years ago I had therapy for depression and anxiety which really helped . I never discussed the porn issues but covered a lot of childhood and dyslexia issues. I've also go more into things that interest me like joining toastmasters, outdoor stuff like camping and planning to go back to university. But, the porn monster has reared its head again. I really don?t want it to screw me over again and I?m starting to feel It will.
My big problem at th moment is trying to find ways round the open DNS blocker I have installed. From using yahoo images and duck duck go search engines without filters to even downloading a Tor browser to access porn sites. I'm not particularly proud of the last one as it basically like having no filter again. I also have an issue with masturbating first thing in the morning and rationalizing this is ok as its not with porn. Not that I have an issue with masturbation without porn per se, but its doing me no real favors. As i'm not working at the moment and studying, I am at home alot and using my computer to do university work. So i am getting triggered a bit mroe, tho as I said, I have been in a cycle of it for a year now having previously done well. Its especially frustrating as i have changed so much in my life but seem to be creeping back to the old habits when the going gets a little tough.
So here I go again! I want to properly cast of the shackles of this and move forward.
Thanks