yet another journal

RecoveryJunkie

Active Member
Good luck with your reboot hansgl2. I've been PMO free since about a week before I created a profile on this site a couple months ago. I find it incredibly helpful to journal on here and learn as much as I can on the subject of PIED by going to  yourbrainonporn.com. I too shared your thoughts of being the only one with this affliction. I have not watched P or M with or without P for almost two months and it's been difficult at times but I can tell you, although I have yet to regain a rock hard erection, my self confidence, focus and motivation are increasing everyday. Keep with the recommended program and you too will rep the benefits! Failure is not an option when it comes to recovery of my life.

Good luck!
 

Robert2.0

Member
Welcome to RN! Congratulations on taking the first step to a life free from PMO. Hopefully you will find the support and knowledge here to conquer your addiction. Read as much as you can and post often. Not only will it benefit you in your recovery but sharing your experiences and feelings may help others. I look forward to following your continued progress in your journey to freedom.
 

carlson

Member
Welcome to the forum and to the process of rebooting.  This can be done - really.  Think about how short a week is - you could go without food that long and survive - PMO is not something you need to survive - so you could definitely go a week.  And in a week, there's a good chance you will notice a difference in how you feel without it.  It might even make you feel stronger, better, happier.  A week isn't that long.

For that matter, nor is a month, or even a year.  Everyone has done some sort of discipline for that long or longer without relapsing.  The last month and a half have not been easy for me - but they have been possible, they have been worth it.  You can do it with this.

It's not as hard as it seems if you change your point of view. 

You can do it.  Really.  Do it.
 

Erasmus_xlt

Active Member
Hello Hansgl2,
You are in a good place to work on your reboot as well as your relationship with your wife and family.

I know what you mean about getting around filters - I am a cyber security professional and can get around just about anything out there.  But, I use a filter on my devices (Covenant Eyes) because it means I have to think about what I am doing and can't just automatically get to porn.  Think about the scenario where you are in the hotel room, bored and lonely, and you decide to look at porn.  But to get there, you have to INTENTIONALLY bypass the filter.  It changes the dynamics if only a little bit but it sets you up for success.

If I can offer any other suggestions, I would recommend that you put a team together to help you through this.  The load is much lighter with the strength of others to help.
 

Erasmus_xlt

Active Member
The question about having sex with your wife is one I have thought about also.  The general consensus seems to be that it is a good thing as it strengths your relationship with her and gives her support through this time. 

On the other hand, agreed sexual abstinence is also refered to frequently for a complete reset of the brain and attitude toward your wife and sex.  Terry Crews and his wife did a sex fast and posted a video on it. 

My Hard 90 has my wife and I in different rooms for now.  So, a sex fast was enacted with no thought.  If she were to desire connection I would likely comply, but I don't know if my body would go along with the plan.  But ultimately, the decision is hers to make.

For me, I like to rely on Biblical guidance and in this regard the guidance is (1) to refrain with agreement and (2) not neglect the needs of each other.  In other words, if she desires to make love she will have it.  Otherwise, I will continue with the fast.

The problem with PMO is primarily the porn leading to fantasy relationships that replace the need for a real life, flesh and blood person.  Secondly, the problem of masturbating to porn or porn thoughts and edging leading to either PE or DE.  As I understand it, orgasm is only a problem when it is a result of the prior two conditions.  With your wife is the proper context and is not problematic.

I hope this helps.
 
B

Boo

Guest
Erasmus_xlt said:
For me, I like to rely on Biblical guidance and in this regard the guidance is (1) to refrain with agreement and (2) not neglect the needs of each other.  In other words, if she desires to make love she will have it.  Otherwise, I will continue with the fast.

The problem with PMO is primarily the porn leading to fantasy relationships that replace the need for a real life, flesh and blood person.  Secondly, the problem of masturbating to porn or porn thoughts and edging leading to either PE or DE.  As I understand it, orgasm is only a problem when it is a result of the prior two conditions.  With your wife is the proper context and is not problematic.

I hope this helps.

This is some good,  solid counsel for married men, Biblical reference aside. (I'm a believer, not everyone is)  Whatever we believe, as married men I think we have to be "available". It may or may not happen. Damaged marriages ( mine isn't) need time, for sure. I think if two people love each other, things should just start to happen naturally , especially the longer we're away from PMOing, or even MOing. We become both mentally and physically more available.
 

Erasmus_xlt

Active Member
So, now you have to think about why did you falter?  Really think about it.  Don't forget it.  Don't excuse it. Don't minimize it.  But, logically consider why...

We're you:
H hungry
A angry
L only or
T ired?

These are emotions that typically find us going back to what we don't want to do in the first place.  Add boredom in there too. Once you know what you were thinking/feeling at that time, then determine how to either:

a) not feel that way (pretty hard not to feel) or
b) have a pre-determined strategy for not reverting to porn use when you do feel that way.

Another thing to consider:.perhaps your "why" isn't big enough yet.  Most of us have tried rebooting before.  Most of us have relapsed frequently.  Those with the most successful (read the success stories) had to hit rock-bottom at some time to do ally achieve the success they now enjoy.  I think I have.  I hope I have.  I don't want to go through this anymore - but I will if I have to.  Never give up.

Then, after you do all that thinking, after you know why, and have a plan and a big enough reason, it will be easier to stand against the fiery darts of temptation the next time you face your enemy.

Just my thoughts.

P.S. - the reason to avoid orgasm if you are experiencing PME or DE is to retrain your mind.  If you M to come quickly, you typically experience PME.  If you edge, you typically experience DE (so it seems).  Not M'ing gives your body and mind time to desensitize and reset. Not to mention, what are you thinking about when you M?
 

carlson

Member
I don't know if this helps - but when thinking about idle and alone time, here's what I've said to myself to stay on track:

Don't let yourself be idle - there's always something to do.  Write a letter to someone - perhaps even to your wife.  Do some exercise.  Pick up the phone and call someone - anyone - Hell, why not do some work on that project your avoiding?  Do something and keep doing something until you go to sleep.  We spend entirely too much time between things...the between time is when our minds wander, when we retreat from the world, when we day-dream, and when we might go after the quick thrill of PMO.

Then get rid of the transition.  Try figuring out how to make all your transitions faster or even non-existent.  That time dawdling about and browsing websites before you get to work - can you do without it.  That time flipping through TV channels looking for something to distract - can you get rid of that time-waster?  That time doing nothing as you wait for a call - there must be something you can do.  Hell - I've found great satisfaction in figuring out how to eliminate time wasting habits - and focusing on what matters.

What matters?  Your wife.  Your kids.  Your life.

What doesn't?  Long boring transitions repeated over and over again throughout your life.
 
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