Recovering

lcc516

New Member
Hello. I am new to the group and would like to ask a question. I have going to SAA meetings for nearly 10 years and have made a lot of progress. Although I am only recently started the 12-step program. I am currently on step 3. My initial push into the program was a suggestion from my wife which at the time my acting out focused on internet dating sites and online chat. Although, I have been "sober" from that for nearly 3 years I have since substituted pornography which seems to be more harder for me to shake. My wife is on her last straw with me and my addiction. I am struggling getting over the desire to look at porn. Breaking away from the internet dating sites and apps seemed like not an issue but porn is a different story.

I am hoping to find some incite in this forum.
 

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
First of all, this might seem cruel and downright unusual to hear, but understand that you are being unfaithful to your wife by consuming porn, the same as you have been by seeking sexual trysts with other women. She has every right to be angry at you because you have put your love for simulated sexual acts over your love of her. You aren't just risking mental health issues and misery over porn, your entire marriage is at stake here. That should be enough of a wakeup call, but it obviously isn't, so listen up: You have to quit all porn ASAP. This is the only answer. This forum is called Reboot Nation because rebooting is what we call the process of your brain rewiring its neurons to its natural state, and this only happens in the absence of porn. Learn your triggers that make you hungry for porn and find ways to avoid them when you can and ignore them when you can't. Avoid looking at porn videos, sexual images, sex scenes in movies, Victoria's Secret catalogs, etc. Turn it all off. When something shows up that's out of your control (like a sexy pop-up ad or scene in a movie) quickly look away and put it from your mind. Your problems obviously stem much deeper than porn, as you are currently using it as a substitute for sex addiction. Find out why you behave the way you do and focus on fixing yourself. You can do this. You owe it to your wife and to yourself.
 

cmdershep

Member
The sad truth is that a lot of this is going to be sheer force of will on your part.  You may have to set up barriers between you and the internet, even make what you do online accessable to your wife.  The key thing for you and her is transparency.  Something that has helped me is that any time an urge to look at porn or masterbate came up, I would try to do something else.  Physical activities work best as your exerting your body.  Perhaps you and your wife could do a fun, physical activity together.  I do yoga and dancing with my fiancee.  But most of all, have faith that you are stronger than the addiction.  It's not easy, but it can be over come.
 
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