Axel_Libre
Member
Hi everyone !
I know a lot of us are struggling with porn addiction and that we all have our own personal story about how and why we use porn.
I thought I would share my story in a short and concise way. If it helps one of you guys, great ! If not hope it gives perspective anyway.
History
Started to use porn at 14 years old.
Got addicted to it really fast. I'm talking serious addiction. PMO twice a day and much more on week-ends.
I used porn on a daily basis for more than 12 years and it fucked me up.
Effects
I use porn as a tranquilizer or an anesthetic. It "helps" me not to worry about not taking charge of my life. It helps me repress all kinds of issues I have.
Porn affects my relations to others, to women and with myself.
It depresses me, kills any motivation I have of doing anything and makes me self-conscious about not having pornstar-sized genitalia..
It makes me loose faith in any kind of truthful relationship.
It basically makes me think that all women are w****s and that life is just about domination..Love and fidelity becomes a mathematical function of your d**k size.
I just know that I'm missing out on so much thinking like that.
Recovery
I tried to quit a couple of times on my own. My longest streak was about 2 months of without porn and masturbating to porn substitute, but I eventually relapsed big time.
I couldn't stop rationalizing my actions.
I would tell myself that quitting porn was retarded, that porn isn't as bad as those "weirdos and geeks online" say (yeah sorry guys, I'm a real asshole when I'm frustrated).
Help needed
I'm seriously committing myself to get off this hardcore drug. (Because I believe that pornographic material is a hardcore drug). But I struggle with a lot of issues that are making me relapse.
1) First, this "flatline" period for me takes FOREVER. I have 0 libido when I quit. I'm taking the libido of a eunuch monk.
2) BIG withdrawal symptoms : Depression, anger, jealousy...you name it ! I'm not exactly good with girls and I'm even worse with girls that I'm actually attracted to. So I'm living in sexual misery. Which makes stopping porn even worse.
3) And this is the worst to admit at 27 years old...but ED. Yeah, I can't get excited without thinking or watching porn. The few times I had intercourse with a girl, I would think of porn to get hard. Without it, nothing moves me. And with ED comes a lot of other symptoms (low motivation, poor performance in sport, mood swings) that make it hard not rationalize starting again.
4) I'm trigger sensitive. Alcohol, and low top at work, music clips, ... After 2 weeks, I became this hypersensitive overcharged battery. I accumulate a huge amount of frustration on the outside world, and as soon as I get home...it becomes impossible to sit down in front of the computer without wanting to let it go.
Help offered
I successfully quit smoking fours years ago by myself. I successfully lost weight and got in shape the past two years ago by myself. I successfully graduated from a very good university without any help whatsoever.
But this quitting porn is unlike anything I've ever tried before.
I can't do it alone.
I'm ready to find a accountability partner so we can support each other and help each other out.
I will make it an nonnegotiable habit of coming everyday on the forum. Help some other threads and write a little bit everyday.
Conclusion
I sometimes thing that quitting porn is worst than quitting heroine. I wish I'd never fell into it.
Bros...we are getting pimped out by a freaking machine . We sit down in front of it and give it our life energy. I'm ready to quit it once and for all and endure the long journey to freedom.
Let's do this !!
I know a lot of us are struggling with porn addiction and that we all have our own personal story about how and why we use porn.
I thought I would share my story in a short and concise way. If it helps one of you guys, great ! If not hope it gives perspective anyway.
History
Started to use porn at 14 years old.
Got addicted to it really fast. I'm talking serious addiction. PMO twice a day and much more on week-ends.
I used porn on a daily basis for more than 12 years and it fucked me up.
Effects
I use porn as a tranquilizer or an anesthetic. It "helps" me not to worry about not taking charge of my life. It helps me repress all kinds of issues I have.
Porn affects my relations to others, to women and with myself.
It depresses me, kills any motivation I have of doing anything and makes me self-conscious about not having pornstar-sized genitalia..
It makes me loose faith in any kind of truthful relationship.
It basically makes me think that all women are w****s and that life is just about domination..Love and fidelity becomes a mathematical function of your d**k size.
I just know that I'm missing out on so much thinking like that.
Recovery
I tried to quit a couple of times on my own. My longest streak was about 2 months of without porn and masturbating to porn substitute, but I eventually relapsed big time.
I couldn't stop rationalizing my actions.
I would tell myself that quitting porn was retarded, that porn isn't as bad as those "weirdos and geeks online" say (yeah sorry guys, I'm a real asshole when I'm frustrated).
Help needed
I'm seriously committing myself to get off this hardcore drug. (Because I believe that pornographic material is a hardcore drug). But I struggle with a lot of issues that are making me relapse.
1) First, this "flatline" period for me takes FOREVER. I have 0 libido when I quit. I'm taking the libido of a eunuch monk.
2) BIG withdrawal symptoms : Depression, anger, jealousy...you name it ! I'm not exactly good with girls and I'm even worse with girls that I'm actually attracted to. So I'm living in sexual misery. Which makes stopping porn even worse.
3) And this is the worst to admit at 27 years old...but ED. Yeah, I can't get excited without thinking or watching porn. The few times I had intercourse with a girl, I would think of porn to get hard. Without it, nothing moves me. And with ED comes a lot of other symptoms (low motivation, poor performance in sport, mood swings) that make it hard not rationalize starting again.
4) I'm trigger sensitive. Alcohol, and low top at work, music clips, ... After 2 weeks, I became this hypersensitive overcharged battery. I accumulate a huge amount of frustration on the outside world, and as soon as I get home...it becomes impossible to sit down in front of the computer without wanting to let it go.
Help offered
I successfully quit smoking fours years ago by myself. I successfully lost weight and got in shape the past two years ago by myself. I successfully graduated from a very good university without any help whatsoever.
But this quitting porn is unlike anything I've ever tried before.
I can't do it alone.
I'm ready to find a accountability partner so we can support each other and help each other out.
I will make it an nonnegotiable habit of coming everyday on the forum. Help some other threads and write a little bit everyday.
Conclusion
I sometimes thing that quitting porn is worst than quitting heroine. I wish I'd never fell into it.
Bros...we are getting pimped out by a freaking machine . We sit down in front of it and give it our life energy. I'm ready to quit it once and for all and endure the long journey to freedom.
Let's do this !!