I have a wrecked marriage behind me. My porn addiction was a large contributing factor to why it didn?t work out. I know that. My ex wife?s truth of it was that we grew apart. I?m not going to spill the beans and take more blame now a year afterwards. It wouldn?t make her happier, nor me.
The year I divorced I turned 40. I got my degree in Landscape sciences and I got a great job in another city. It was perfect for a new life, with new patterns and new routines. Thing is... Wherever you go - There you are. You can change everything around you, but if you don?t change the fundamentals in your self it doesn?t matter.
I got pretty broken about that. I really thought that I could reinvent myself in this new place. But there I was, fapping the days away, feeling like a looser. Previously I thought that I could do this on my own. I now realize that that was foolish. I need help. It started with me telling a few friends about my problem. Now I wasn?t alone anymore. Some of the stigma about the secret had evaporated. I then put blockers on my home network and on my devices. I can get around it if I really try, byt I fix the leaks when I encounter them. And I have started going to a psychologist.
All in all I feel better. I still relapse. But now it?s not so frequent anymore. Right now I?m 5 days PMO-free. And when I relapse it?s isolated incidents followed by fixing the cause and the method used to acquire porn. I haven?t had a binge in months, and that?s a great victory for me.
I still need more continous feedback and accountability related to this problem. That?s why I start this journal. I will update here continously. Hopefully it will help me, and hopefully someone else will get something out of it too.
The year I divorced I turned 40. I got my degree in Landscape sciences and I got a great job in another city. It was perfect for a new life, with new patterns and new routines. Thing is... Wherever you go - There you are. You can change everything around you, but if you don?t change the fundamentals in your self it doesn?t matter.
I got pretty broken about that. I really thought that I could reinvent myself in this new place. But there I was, fapping the days away, feeling like a looser. Previously I thought that I could do this on my own. I now realize that that was foolish. I need help. It started with me telling a few friends about my problem. Now I wasn?t alone anymore. Some of the stigma about the secret had evaporated. I then put blockers on my home network and on my devices. I can get around it if I really try, byt I fix the leaks when I encounter them. And I have started going to a psychologist.
All in all I feel better. I still relapse. But now it?s not so frequent anymore. Right now I?m 5 days PMO-free. And when I relapse it?s isolated incidents followed by fixing the cause and the method used to acquire porn. I haven?t had a binge in months, and that?s a great victory for me.
I still need more continous feedback and accountability related to this problem. That?s why I start this journal. I will update here continously. Hopefully it will help me, and hopefully someone else will get something out of it too.