Erection problem at 20 years old. HELP!!!

Hello, please provide any help/advice for my situation.

I've watched porn close to every single day since 6th grade (~12 y/o) and am currently 20 years old. Within the last 2-3 years I've looked at some of the more unusual categories. Common searches for me included "rough" "brutal" "punished" "throated" and even compilations of very intense scenes. I would masturbate to this type of stuff on average between 2 and 5 hours daily. Yes, I realize that is a lot of time, I just keep trying to find better videos and the cycle never ends. After I finish I'm always disgusted with myself. But somehow, I kept going back to it.

Porn was interfering with my life at work because I thought about it when I sit at the computer (I?m an electrical engineering intern still in school), so that put me behind in my work. Also, being an engineering student provides me with lots more stress in my life (4 semesters left, FML). Normal looking girls started to not turn me on.

I have learned about PIED after 3 attempts to have sex within the past few months because I could not get hard (all 3 were different girls). I am still a virgin, have only fingered and gone down on one girl (I could just tell I was horrible at both).

Looking into PIED after the second attempt, I considered dropping porn. And after the third attempt, I have not watched porn for about 3 weeks.

I can get hard without looking at porn on a screen. My problem is getting hard with a partner. I don?t even know if I?m approaching sex the right way if that?s possible. I?ll provide a timeline with details about my last 3 encounters. They?re all very similar.

Girl 1: plan was to watch movies together, she came over, we talked a little, got in the bed to watch movies on laptop, I tried thinking about porn during the movie to get hard and then bring up having sex, didn?t get hard but started making out a lot, still not hard so just stopped after making out and that was it. Side note: in the middle of watching the movie I was nervous, so nervous that she mentioned that my heart was beating fast.

Girl 2: already arranged we were going to hook up, she came over, talked a little, after conversation died she asked, ?what do you want to do??, I suggested we watch Netflix and cuddle, lay in bed watching a movie on laptop, tried thinking of porn during movie to get hard, didn?t work still, started making out then removed her pants (with consent of course) to start fingering and going down on her (first time doing both), doing this hoping I would get hard, still did not work so I eventually just had to tell her and I was very embarrassed. At this point I searched about ED and found out about PIED. Side note: in the middle of watching the movie I was nervous again, so nervous that she also told me that my heart was beating fast.

Girl 3: this girl I had feelings for and knew her the most of all 3, and I heard from our mutual friends that she liked me, and I liked her. What went down: she came over, we talked and played video games (finally something different than the other two lmao), ended up watching movies in bed cuddling with laptop, tried thinking of porn to get hard during movie, couldn?t get hard, didn?t initiate anything further because I did not want our mutual friends to find out if I embarrass myself again. Side note: during the movie I was less nervous than the first two situations, but still nervous about it since the ED has happened twice within the past few months, and she did not say anything about my heartbeat.

After the third encounter I decided to stop watching porn for good, and it has been about 3 weeks.

I can still get hard when I?m alone thinking about porn (not looking at a screen) or having sex with girls that I know in my personal life.

Again, I?m 20 and still a virgin with experience in only fingering and going down on a girl once, so that may explain why I?m still nervous about sexual activities. I want to have sex, even thought about getting an escort, but I?m afraid I?ll not get hard and end up wasting lots of money. My main want right now is to lose my virginity, but this erection problem is getting in the way. Maybe it?s the way I?m approaching it, looking back at what I typed, I?m basically trying to get hard by daydreaming about porn while cuddling with a girl watching a movie.

If anyone has tips/advice for my situation that would be very appreciated!

Firstly I would say well done on discovering PIED at such a young age, this will give you a much greater chance of success in overcoming it. I didn't realise until I was 26 so you have a considerable head start. Also well done on going 3 weeks without PMO, this is a great start but like you say in your post, it must be for good.

My advice would be -
- when you're in that situation with a girl, don't put pressure on yourself to have sex - it might be that she comes around and you cuddle and watch Netflix and nothing happens. This is absolutely fine.
- thinking about porn to get hard is damaging, as you need to break the association between porn and sex (having said that it doesn't count as a relapse). If you aren't able to get somewhat hard by intimate physical contact like cuddling, kissing, and just generally smelling her hair and skin etc, then thinking about porn is not the solution and more rebooting is needed.
- look into mindfulness and meditation - some great apps for this are Headspace and Calm - Calm is my preferred option out of the two. Done on a regular basis, this will help to bring your mind into the present moment and reduce stress and anxiety. From your description, anxiety is playing a part along with PIED (I am exactly the same).
- look into the root cause of why you watched porn. I had some great reboots when I discovered PIED - I just decided that porn was bad and damaging to every aspect of my life and I was fully onboard with the reboot, but I failed to recognise that porn was an emotional crutch that made me (very temporarily) feel better when I was sad, and that I was basically addicted to a dopamine rush. Because I failed to recognise this, I relapsed again and again. You should look into other habits to replace PMO - a great book to read on this is The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Another great book I'd recommend is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

I would definitely say to be wary of calling it PIED.  It's common knowledge that guys don't always get it up their first times because of nerves and if you start calling it PIED right away then that will only compound your nerves when you start thinking that you have this serious dysfunction.

I mean, porn isn't a good thing, sure. But to say you have a dysfunction is pushing it a little hard. I would just say to get a girlfriend and then avoid sex for a little bit. Embrace her, be with her. Your problems will be behind you soon. Good luck man

Jack Can said:

It's common knowledge that guys don't always get it up their first times

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I actually did not know that was the norm for the first few sexual interactions. Regardless, I'm not going to watch porn from here on out. I think I just need to be more social... especially around new people. I'm even in a fraternity at university and have easy access to party and socialize with others, but I am usually locked up in my room studying because engineering is difficult.

mpj86 said:

look into the root cause of why you watched porn. I had some great reboots when I discovered PIED - I just decided that porn was bad and damaging to every aspect of my life and I was fully onboard with the reboot, but I failed to recognise that porn was an emotional crutch that made me (very temporarily) feel better when I was sad, and that I was basically addicted to a dopamine rush.

Click to expand...

For me the root cause to start was just curiosity at 12 years old. Like I've mentioned above, I'm always stressed with how hard my workload is from university (including high school I took all AP classes offered), so I think it was a way for me to release stress... and maybe even anger, hence past 2-3 years I've been looking at the "rough" type of pornography. I also have lifted weights since I was 16 and eat a very clean diet compared to my peers. I will take your advice about meditation and give that a shot. Maybe even try out a yoga class? I'm not sure though...

Thank you for the responses everyone, I'll still reply if anyone brings up a question or point on the topic... I'll post an update in a couple months or so on how this is going.

I think that its definitely a mixture of Performance Anxiety due to the fact that you are a virgin, and some PIED (Watching porn every day for 8 years will do that to you, no doubt, specially if you dont rewire your brain with real girls at the same time).

But do not worry, i had the exact same problems as you, and I was able to heal.
I started watching porn at 12 yeras old, that escalated to anal fetish and sissification videos. I lost my virginity at 24. And I was only able to have and enjoy sex at 25-26 y/o.
I was able to have sex at 5 months after starting the reboot. 12 months after the start of the reboot I consdiered myself fully healed (high libido, natural sexuality, erections just by looking at girls in the street, very sociable, sex is great).

My recommendations are:
    - NO PMO for the rest of your life... yes its possible. Think about nature: what animal apart from us or chimps masturbate? None. The Lion would not be king of the jungle if he masturbated. Look about semen retention (The Chinese Taoists knew about semen retention beneftis 3000 years ago).
    - Meditate every day
    - Exercise every day (push ups, go out and run, I personally have been training Mixed Martial Arts for the last 6 months)
    - Read the book: "Mantak chia: how to become a multiorgasmic man"(Dont do the masturbation exercises) - Read Gary Wilson book about porn and its effects on the brain. (www.yourbrainonporn.com)
    - Eat healthy (fruits and vegetables, avoid cofee, tea, sugar)
    - Know yourself, find out what made you use so much porn. What were you hidding with it...replace with good habits.
   
Here is the link of a youtube video that describes my reboot process, hope it is useful for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjcipBF7Zr4&t=291s

Cheers brother!
You will heal. You are very young and lucky to have found out about this
   

Just an update, and a thank you for all the responses.

Those three weeks I mentioned in my first post were not masturbation free, just free of watching porn.

Since the post I've committed to no PMO, and as of today I'm on day 9 of no PMO.

I feel as if I have hit the "flat line" I've seen YouTubers talk about. I have much less thoughts of porn, and sex in general.

Lately I do feel less nervous talking to strangers, it seems.

Not sure if this will help or not, but for the past 9 days I've been tracking how often I think of sexual things, and get boners and the reason for it. Also tracking whether I'm getting morning wood or not.

This week I have seemed to only max out at 2 boners in two of the days, averaging 1.2 this week, and 4/7 had morning wood. lol sorry about the weird stats

Once again, thank you all for the advice and kind words.

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