My Journal. Recovery Starts Today!

Lysandros

Member
Hey Guys. 21 Year old Male Here.

I am currently addicted to porn and am starting my journey to cut it out. I have had some ED in the past but not severe, but still that is a warning sign to me.

My last two sexual encounters have been fine which is a good sign but i am still nervous about my ability to perform sometimes. I Feel that by stopping watching porn, i will regain some confidence and become healthier in the mean time.

I have just come out of a relationship so my libido is at a all time high which feeds my porn addiction. My recovery starts now. Today is the last time i will watch porn and i will document my journey below.

I would appreciate words of encouragement at this time.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Welcome to the forum, man! I've had a lot of encouragement posting here regularly. People have great insights and are helpful, but even just writing my own thoughts out has really helped a lot too.

It's so great that you've decided to cut this junk out of your life. We're all fighting it together!
 

Lysandros

Member
Thanks for your support.
Day 1 was hard but day 2 has seen me in a little bit of a flatline. Morning wood but no arousal all day which is weird. Urges are going already and I don't feel the need to watch porn which is good but having no arousal is abit scary. Starting meditation later so I'll see how that helps and will try and chill out during flatline.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Yeah, I think chilling out is a good strategy. I've sort of realized that anxiety is one of the things that fuels my addiction, so worrying about things doesn't help.

And I don't know, but I don't think there's much reason to worry about arousal now. I've heard of guys relapsing because they ended up looking at porn or masturbating real quick just to see if everything was working right. I feel like our bodies will know what to do when the time comes if we just focus on getting healthy without "checking up" on it all the time. Plus urges aren't as bad when you're not feeling aroused, so just count it as a freebie lol.
 
L

Lero

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
And I don't know, but I don't think there's much reason to worry about arousal now. I've heard of guys relapsing because they ended up looking at porn or masturbating real quick just to see if everything was working right. I feel like our bodies will know what to do when the time comes if we just focus on getting healthy without "checking up" on it all the time. Plus urges aren't as bad when you're not feeling aroused, so just count it as a freebie lol.

I know exactly what this means. I've been there. It might sound crazy to say this but that "empty feeling" that I used to experience, feeling no arousal and no urges (maybe a flatline, I don't know) used to make me feel strange. It was supposed to be something good because I had no urges but I still felt weird like that. I would check out to see if I could arouse myself and I could only do it by watching P  :D That's how you relapse. I'm not doing that anymore. By the way, I'm in the middle of such period right now. In the last three days or so, I haven't had urges and I've been feeling "empty", asexual, if you want. But I guess, at the end of the day, because there are no urges either, I should be happy about it.
 

Lysandros

Member
Day 3 and still no arousal. I did feel a fleeting feeling of something earlier but I'm still not sure. I'll take your advice and refrain from "checking" and just sail through it. I'm not particularly worried anymore as I read it is pretty common and it does return when you start to heal. Luckily, I am not in a relationship so there is no pressure for me. Hope you guys are hanging in there ok!
 

Lysandros

Member
Update. I just had the feeling like an errection was going to form on and off for about an hour and just got a random semi with a tiny bit of arousal. Has anyone else experiencee this and is it a good sign?
 
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Lero

Guest
That's good, man. This is my 4th day so I guess we are in the same place.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Keep it going!

You're probably doing it (and just not writing about it here), but don't forget to fill your life with good things. If we just cut out porn, we are still leaving a gap in our lives that porn can fill back in. But if we live productive, busy lives, there won't be room for porn.
 

Lysandros

Member
6th day! Feeling great. Quality of morning wood has improved massively and feeling calm and content. Thanks for the encourage BlueHeronFan, I'm trying my hardest to fill my life with all of the things I enjoy the most. Keep it up Lero! I'm feeling better already and it has only been 6 days!
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Congrats on a week! That's awesome!

I know setting and achieving smaller goals on my way to bigger goals has been really helpful. You've already made it a week, so you know you can do it again. I feel like the first week has usually been fairly easy for me, so just be prepared for the challenges. I don't say that to bum you out or anything, just to help you prepare yourself. It seems like things always get harder in the day or two before I meet my goal, but then they get easier again for a while.

Keep up the great progress!
 

Lysandros

Member
Day 8! Thankyou for the support BlueHeronFan, I appreciate it alot. Today has been a day of anxiety. I seem to have convinced myself that I may have symptoms of low t (despite being only 21) as the symptoms are very similar to flatline. I am deciding weather to go and get myself checked out along side this.

Today was still no urges to M or watch P, just an urge to find a romantic interest for the companionship. Is this a good sign? Just going though a day of sorry is all .
 

LeanAndBop

Active Member
Hey man just want to show you some support. I know those days of anxiety, it sucks. I had one of those days today too. It's so unpleasant, you just want the angst to disappear but it won't.

Hope you're well.

Best wishes
 

Lysandros

Member
Day 9 & 10 were better! Arousal is coming back slowly and flacid size has increased dramatically.Im finally feeling abit more normal but still have a long road ahead. I would like to thank LeanAndBop for his support, I hope your ok buddy!
 

Lysandros

Member
Day 11 and 12. Libido is back in full force. Going on some dates next week in order to try and get used to real people again, wish me luck! Thanks BlueHeronFan, I hope your ok!
 
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