Better Run than Fap

R

rnnr

Guest
I am a 31 y.o. freelance web designer working from home.

5 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend and eventually got back to my old habit of fapping at least 3 times a week. It takes at least 3 days to recover emotionally and physically after fapping. And as I fap 3 times a week, I do not have a chance to recover at all  :-\

So I decided to start my 90 Days NoFap Challenge.

Today is my 20th day of NoFap, hard mode.

I decided not to search actively for women to substitute porn with casual sex anymore. This strategy did not work for me at all. Actually, I tried it... I had irregular sex with two different women after I left my girlfriend. This occasional sex was no help for me. I was feeling lonely and depressed. This feeling of loneliness and abandonment sometimes overwhelms me. I can feel it physically as hot hellfire in my chest that makes me go nuts. The only way to get rid of this fire in my chest was to fap.

18 days ago I promised my followers on Instagram to go for a daily morning run for the next 30 days. And eventually these daily morning 6 km long runs help me feel free from the fire in my chest. Today is the 18th day of my daily morning runs.

I started running 3 km on the first 3 days but eventually realized that 6 km of the run is the best distance to calm me down. If I run 3 km or less, the feeling of loneliness and depression catches me up in the afternoon.

Porn addiction became a really big issue in my life as I started working from home two months ago. So I need a way to recover from this addiction. Daily morning runs seem to be a good habit to substitute the PMO addiction.

Apart from my solo morning runs I started playing table tennis with my friends on a regular basis, swimming in a pool in a sports complex and meeting with my friends in cafes in the evening.

I take every chance to leave my apartment in the morning just not to be caught by PMO triggers in my room. I even decided to work on my web design projects from a cafe and not from my home. Working from a cafe gives me an opportunity to meet new people and feel less lonely throughout the day.

The irony is that my current web design project is a lingerie e-commerce website. So I see half naked women on my screen all day long...
 

JasonGuitar

Active Member
As a fellow worker from home, I can appreciate the difficulty and temptation that provides. On slow work days, I would literally spend all day looking at porn and edging. Needless to say, not great for the actual sex life with my wife. I would be absolutely spent at night and just hope she didn't want to have sex. Not a great place to be in.

The emotional toll of looking at porn got to be too much for me and I finally (and hopefully for good this time) went cold turkey about 3 weeks ago. I have not had the urge to look back once so far.

I'm a former runner that is also looking to get back into it once it warms up enough outside. I think that will be a good outlet for pent up stress and energy.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
This is so annoying...

I am sitting at the table in my room alone with my MacBook Pro open trying to make some improvements to my client's website, and the only thing I can think about at this moment is sex or porn.

Guys, what do you do in such moments when your mind is shifting from the job needed to be done to erotic fantasies?
 

JasonGuitar

Active Member
Personally, I try to refocus my energy on something else. Even if I have to step away from work to play guitar, play a mindless video game (that doesn't contain any sexual imagery, so games like GTA 5 are out), do some kind of quick/light workout, or do something around the house that needs to be done like laundry, dishes, pick a room to clean up.

I basically started thinking about how on weekends, my wife and I stay pretty busy with kid activities, house stuff, etc and I don't have the desire or opportunity to look at porn or M. So I just try to find things like that to do during the weekdays, even if I'm on the clock for work. Because sometimes your mind wanders during work, and 'focusing on work' doesn't work as well.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Jason, your advice really, really makes so much sense for me.

I do not play video games because I easily become totally addicted to them, but workout or some physical activity is the answer for me. Today I literally ran out of my apartment to the sports complex to play table tennis even I did not make an appointment with my friends ? I was lucky to meet some new players there 8)

Now is time to make these evening activities a regular habit and not to wait for an urge for PMO to come.

Now I understand why I've been feeling so lonely and abandoned for so many years ? I just stayed at home during every evening, PMOd and had no desire and no energy to go out and find some interesting stuff to do and people to meet.

During my relationships with girlfriends (even when we lived together), I often felt lonely because we used to stay at home every evening and rarely went out to meet our friends. We enjoyed each other's company and did not feel any need to spend time with other people. But eventually, we started to stress each other out. So I started to PMO to fight this stress. Even having a regular sexual partner.
 

JasonGuitar

Active Member
rnnr said:
Jason, your advice really, really makes so much sense for me.

I do not play video games because I easily become totally addicted to them, but workout or some physical activity is the answer for me. Today I literally ran out of my apartment to the sports complex to play table tennis even I did not make an appointment with my friends ? I was lucky to meet some new players there 8)

Now is time to make these evening activities a regular habit and not to wait for an urge for PMO to come.

Now I understand why I've been feeling so lonely and abandoned for so many years ? I just stayed at home during every evening, PMOd and had no desire and no energy to go out and find some interesting stuff to do and people to meet.

During my relationships with girlfriends (even when we lived together), I often felt lonely because we used to stay at home every evening and rarely went out to meet our friends. We enjoyed each other's company and did not feel any need to spend time with other people. But eventually, we started to stress each other out. So I started to PMO to fight this stress. Even having a regular sexual partner.

The thing I like about video games is that time just flies by when I'm playing them, which I don't get to do often, but it is a good way to pass time, and seemingly quickly. But I would much rather work out or do something productive.

I definitely understand what you say about staying home, not having much of a social life. When I was single/dating I stayed home and PMO'd A LOT instead of going out. It just seems silly looking back on it.

Now in my marriage, also a similar situation to what you describe. My wife has as high stress job, so we spend a lot of time at home instead of going out. We always have fun when we do, and it brings us closer together to do things out of the house and with friends and family, but we just don't very often. Having 3 kids also keeps us either at home or busy with their activities, so all of these things factor in to being homebodies.

Even being a homebody, I try to channel my pent up energy I'm not using to PMO to show my wife affection in ways besides sex. Cuddling her, kissing her forehead, telling her she's beautiful, or that she looks pretty in whatever she's wearing to work that day, or if she has done her makeup a different way. Something I'm also trying to focus on is listening closer to what she is saying, thinking and feeling. She pointed out recently that I sometimes bowl over her in conversations, and I'm trying to be more conscious of that, and I think that the lack of PMO is helping me focus more on all of these things.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 21, 8:02 AM.

Just came back from my morning run.

This is a quick check-in note to remind me of my 90 Days NoFap Challenge.

30 minutes of run gives me some time to reflect and think about my life. And I now feel like I need to focus on nurturing deep friendship relationships with men and women. Especially with men.

Almost entire life my focus was on finding women for sex so I even took part in some pick-up trainings. But now it makes more sense just to be in a friend zone with women, and not trying to have sex with every woman that I like.

How do men make friends with men? Silly question, yeah? Need to learn it...
 

JasonGuitar

Active Member
I agree on the running/working out thing. It really de-stresses me and lets me refocus. Sometimes I don't listen to music when I go for runs because it is kind of like my thinking time.

I definitely hear you on being friends with men being a struggle. I have always had more female friends than male, or at least gotten on better with women than men, mostly because of the sexual component. When I was in my first marriage, my ex-wife would often point out how many of my friends from work were women. And for the most part if I was an active participant in the friendship (she did not like me more than I liked her) it was because I had sexual thoughts and intentions towards her, if the opportunity presented itself.

So, I have also struggled with becoming friends with men. But, I do have about 5 men in my life that are close friends. I have met them through various ways: work, music, school, etc. So it is just taking part in things that other men do, where you can form those connections.

You mentioned posting about your runs on Instagram. Any male followers that run or are looking to get into running? Offer to go for a run with them. Oddly, this is a way I used to hook up with WOMEN. Oh, how things change...
 
R

rnnr

Guest
JasonGuitar said:
You mentioned posting about your runs on Instagram. Any male followers that run or are looking to get into running? Offer to go for a run with them. Oddly, this is a way I used to hook up with WOMEN. Oh, how things change...

Several men and women expressed their interest in running last week but they never showed up for a run ;D

I think it is OK to run alone. I need to get comfortable with being alone for some time during the day. I run for myself and not to show off that I am a superman ;)

I bookmarked some running playlists on Spotify and they really help me to run my 6 km every morning. Music really helps me. It's like meditation, I try not to think about anything during the runs.

It was easy to make friends with boys when I was a kid. We spent almost 10 hours outside every day playing games.

But school was a real struggle in this sense. I fell in love with a girl in my class and could think only about her... I was afraid to even come talk to her. I met her recently... Can't imagine what I found in her 15 years ago  :)

I did not participate in regular team sports at school (football, volleyball etc). I was good at classes but not sports. Thus not much time spent with young men.

I did not drink alcohol (and I do not drink now), I was not keen on video games, I was not a member of a criminal gang ? not much time spent with men again. My father did not have a car ? not much time spent with the senior men.

It's funny but I have 10 times more women's phone numbers in my address book than men's numbers ::)

Day 21 is coming to an end. I spent almost 10 hours in a cafe working on my web-design project. I can't say that I was really productive and focused today but at least I leaped ahead on a project that I've been procrastinating for the last 30 days.

So working from a cafe works for me. Let's stick to this strategy. Less time spent at home alone. More time spent offline in public places with real people.

P.S. Jason, thank you for participating in my journal. It really makes me feel that I am not alone in this and that there is at least one person in the world that believes that I can make through my 90 Days NoFap Challenge.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 22. 10:48 AM

Today I ran 10 km in my morning run. New achievement unlocked ;)

I feel somewhat exhausted physically so I decided to stay at home for a while and to give myself a chance to slow down and relax.

I understand that staying at home alone is a risk in my situation. But I need to find a way to cope with the urges for PMO while I am at home. So I promise myself to get out of my apartment on 2 PM. Let's see if I can keep promises given to myself...
 

JasonGuitar

Active Member
Working from a cafe is definitely not a bad thing and can open you up to meeting new people. I do that every once in a while just to get out of the house.

Working from home and avoiding PMO is all about switching things up if I find my mind wandering or have even a tinge of temptation. I'll go for a walk around the block, pay some bills, play guitar for 15 minutes...anything to refocus my mind on something else. Running an errand to get out of the house is also helpful for me.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 22. 11:21 PM

Today was a relaxed day. Did not feel any urge to M. I think it is due to my habit not to browse photos of pretty women on Instagram. Every time I catch myself swiping through photos of pretty women I close FB or Instagram app.

They say, 21 days is enough to form a new habit. I think it is more likely to happen in 90 days. So I will stick with this journal to develop a habit of jotting down my thoughts about my NoFap Challenge.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 23. 10:29 AM

Today in the morning my mind suggested that it might be a good idea to stay at home and work from my apartment sitting alone in my room. Resisted this temptation. I am in a cafe now working on my web-design project.

The first sound effect of my NoFap journey: I stopped seeking for attention and approval from women.

Before NoFap I was desperately looking for approval from women and felt happy only when women said compliments to me or at least were nice to me.

Now my focus shifted to the other areas of my life: morning runs, work, and sports. I am feeling OK even when my female friends are in a bad mood and are not willing to express joy towards me.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 23. 6:57 PM

Feel tired ? emotionally, mentally and physically. Really stressed out.

This is the state of my mind and my body in which I used to M.

Need to find the way to cope with this stress.

What I used to do:

1. PMO.
2. Casual sex.
3. Watching TV series and movies for 20 hours in a row.
4. Swiping aimlessly through the news feed on Facebook and Instagram.
5. Negative self-talk.

What I am considering as a substitute to the mentioned above:

1. Steamy hot bath.
2. Good sleep.
3. Call someone who cares about me.
4. Tasty meal.
5. Positive music.
6. Aromatherapy.
7. Go out and talk to someone offline.
8. Listen to my affirmations.
9. Listen to some motivational tracks (Tonny Robbins, Les Brown etc.)
10. Read some motivational books.
11. Read some posts on rebootnation.org and yourbrainonporn.com.
12. Look through my goals for this month.

How do you cope with stress?

When I am stressed out and tired, my mind offers some negative thoughts and limiting beliefs and make me feel really bad. Need to be conscious and substitute these limiting beliefs and negative self-talk with beliefs that make me feel self-confident.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 24. 9:50 AM

Today I was really, really close to relapse.

My mind almost persuaded me that running in the morning makes no sense, that it is OK to watch P and M.

I woke up at 6:30 AM and spent almost one hour in this self-talk.

Finally, I got out from my apartment and ran only 2 km instead of 6 km.

They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Today is the 22nd day of my daily morning runs and today I almost missed the morning run. 21 days is definitely not enough. 90 days feels like something more close to the truth.

What were the sources of this stress?

Yesterday I talked to one really negative and toxic person. And he almost persuaded me that it is OK to M and that running is harmful to my body. Need to avoid talking to him in the future.

To cope with this stress I called some of my female friends yesterday in the evening. And these calls did not help. They made the situation even worse. I started thinking: if I have so many female friends, why don't I have a girlfriend now?

These thoughts somehow shifted my attention from sports and work to thinking about getting casual sex. I felt really lonely and abandoned yesterday in the late evening.

I did not plan this 90 Days NoFap Challenge to be the Hard Mode Challenge with no sex at all. But it is in a Hard Mode, at least for now. And the thoughts that I will not have sex for 90 days or even more make me really sad.

I just can not understand how my mind works. During 23 days of the Challenge, it was OK for my mind not to have any sex, and now having no sex becomes a problem of a planetary scale.

Really feeling like giving up all my goals. Who cares? It does not make any sense.

I've been fapping for 20 years, why should I stop?

Feeling really depressed.

I should have run 6 km today.

2 km is not enough to make me feel OK.

Daily morning runs are my last chance to survive this challenge.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 25. 11: 20 AM

My assumption about running was correct.

Daily morning runs is the main thing that makes it possible for me to go through my 90 Days NoFap Challenge.

Yesterday I almost missed my morning run and felt really bad, was really close to relapse.

Today I ran 7 km instead of my regular 6 km and I am back on track.

The reason why I started thinking about quitting my morning runs are pains in my knees and ankles. I started feeling these pains on the 15th day of my morning runs (today is the 23d day).

My body started feeling really exhausted and tired. And I became stressed out and out of energy. I lost several kgs in my weight (but I am skinny already: 69 kg, 188 cm).

I found out the way to solve this problem. I consulted with my friends ? regular runners, and they suggested me to buy some vitamins and work on my nutrition. I should eat more healthy food than I used to.

I bought those vitamins and found time to buy some quality food to feed my body.

My mood and my feelings of happiness totally depend on feelings in my body.

Why did I not quit running yet? I made a commitment and promised my friends to run daily at least for 30 days. I can not quit now because I made a public commitment that I cannot ignore even if I feel stressed out.

Today is my 23d day of daily morning runs out of these 30 days. And I am thinking of prolonging this running challenge for 30 days more.

Wish me good luck!
 

Georgos

Well-Known Member
Rnnr, I will tell you a sad story, my aunt who could not have children, being once a hippy in Bristol and the North if you will forgive my attempts at being rude, died of a neuro-degenerative disease about the same time as my sufi mentor who I was told was the master of the universe, I did not approach him with that burden, instead turning to my relatives, however, I did feel that if he was so great, then why was there war all around him? For my boasts, I now have two cysts which the surgeons will remove unless I can resist the temptation to go under the knife, one was filled with water, the other was growing thicker around the walls, my next scan is coming up and I my late mentor's unruly children entirely for what has happened to me, do you really think growth is the solution, the silvery coil is not DNA but electricity, that is the best I can do at the moment I'm afraid.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Georgos, as my teacher of math once said, "If you do not know what to do, do what you can."

"And if you can, you must." ? these are the words of my friend.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 25 of my NoFap Challenge, completely PMO free. 10:19 PM.

Feeling like I need to document all the benefits of my NoFap choice. I assume that my brain will try to delude me into thinking that it is OK to watch porn again some day. And I need to have some evidence that porn is the root of evil ? just in case.

My biggest fear in starting a career as a freelance web-developer was in thinking that I will cut my social life to zero if I choose to spend all my work days in front of my computer. It seems that I found a way to solve this problem.

My choice to work from a cafe gave its first results.

I can focus on getting the job done for my clients while staying in a public place filled with people. I do not feel lonely there and I can actually get the job done. The level of interruptions is considerably low. I got used to working with music playing in a cafe and people talking next to me.

It is much easier for me to talk to men now. I am not exclusively focused on women. And I became comfortable that I can easily be productive and happy without a girlfriend, at least for some time. I am not desperately seeking attention and approval from women. I feel like I can be self-sufficient.
 
R

rnnr

Guest
Day 26. 10:10 AM

It seems that I am experiencing a Flat Line now. I became really indifferent to women.

I see beautiful women of all ages all day long. In fact, I am surrounded by them every minute of my time that I spend outside of my home. I intentionally work in public places where I can interact with women on a regular basis.

But now I am not thinking about sex every time I see a pretty woman. And this feeling is relieving. Finally, I can focus on getting the job done instead of fantasizing about sex.

I am calm and do not get overexcited about my results in this NoFap Challenge. I just want to substitute PMO habit with a new habit ? daily morning runs. I've been trying different things to get PMO free in previous years. And they did not help.

And only these morning runs seem to have a consistent impact on my behavior.

Definitely should prolong my running challenge for 30 days more.
 
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