Off The Wagon and Can't Get Back On

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
The worst part of porn addiction is the fact that it seems like you forget everything you learned during a reboot when you relapse. I wrote a bit ago about going 5 weeks PMO free and since my last relapse, it's gotten worse. I went from PMO once or twice a week while trying to get back on the wagon to 3 times PMO this week alone. The urges feel more acute and harder to resist for some reason. I remember how happy and successful I felt during my last reboot attempt and I know what to do to stop, but my brain won't let me. It's like I've forgotten everything. When you relapse, it crushes your willpower and makes it easier to relapse again and again. You forget things you know deep down you still remember you need to do. How do you muster up the willpower to climb back on the wagon immediately after falling off? It's the one thing I've never been able to do. God knows when I'll be able to find it in me to attempt another reboot. It's like those 5 weeks never happened and I've learned nothing.
 
This is the unfortunate reality of addiction. When you PMO (especially repeatedly) over time you sensitize your brain to become more likely to give in to "cues" while ALSO causing hypofrontality which erodes willpower and self control.

In my experience, and this is somewhat controversial, but if you're in a hole of cyclic relapses, I would suggest binging. PMO a 3-4x over the course of a day or two. At the end of it you'll see how its all an illusion and the porn never can never satisfy you.

When you try to quit, the cues in your brain associated with the addiction become stronger, making it harder to quit when the impulses are triggered. When you binge, those cues become weaker for a while (a few days) and you will have fewer cravings and be able to "get the ball rolling" so to speak. The key is to ignore those cravings when they appear again, after about 2-3 weeks they'll start to become much weaker.
 

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
hooked on monkey fonics said:
This is the unfortunate reality of addiction. When you PMO (especially repeatedly) over time you sensitize your brain to become more likely to give in to "cues" while ALSO causing hypofrontality which erodes willpower and self control.

In my experience, and this is somewhat controversial, but if you're in a hole of cyclic relapses, I would suggest binging. PMO a 3-4x over the course of a day or two. At the end of it you'll see how its all an illusion and the porn never can never satisfy you.

When you try to quit, the cues in your brain associated with the addiction become stronger, making it harder to quit when the impulses are triggered. When you binge, those cues become weaker for a while (a few days) and you will have fewer cravings and be able to "get the ball rolling" so to speak. The key is to ignore those cravings when they appear again, after about 2-3 weeks they'll start to become much weaker.
I've noticed this myself. When I burn myself out and hit rock bottom, my misery and hatred of porn kicks in and makes it possible for the logical part of my brain to take control again. But this can't be healthy if done repeatedly, right? It would just end up as an endless cycle of sobriety that eventually collapses into a binge and begins again. I guess it's possible to go longer each time until the relapses become less frequent, but still, I'd like a second opinion. Thanks for the input, though.
 
WoundedSparrow said:
hooked on monkey fonics said:
This is the unfortunate reality of addiction. When you PMO (especially repeatedly) over time you sensitize your brain to become more likely to give in to "cues" while ALSO causing hypofrontality which erodes willpower and self control.

In my experience, and this is somewhat controversial, but if you're in a hole of cyclic relapses, I would suggest binging. PMO a 3-4x over the course of a day or two. At the end of it you'll see how its all an illusion and the porn never can never satisfy you.

When you try to quit, the cues in your brain associated with the addiction become stronger, making it harder to quit when the impulses are triggered. When you binge, those cues become weaker for a while (a few days) and you will have fewer cravings and be able to "get the ball rolling" so to speak. The key is to ignore those cravings when they appear again, after about 2-3 weeks they'll start to become much weaker.
I've noticed this myself. When I burn myself out and hit rock bottom, my misery and hatred of porn kicks in and makes it possible for the logical part of my brain to take control again. But this can't be healthy if done repeatedly, right? It would just end up as an endless cycle of sobriety that eventually collapses into a binge and begins again. I guess it's possible to go longer each time until the relapses become less frequent, but still, I'd like a second opinion. Thanks for the input, though.

This isn't a long term solution but it's simply a way to get out of a hole. I mean in my case I intentionally "binged" on Oct 2017 and then quit between Nov 2017 and September 2018 where I only PMOd about 12x (i kept a log), with a 4.5 month streak in the beginning.

I fell back into the hole a few months ago when I started using it intermittently again, thinking doing it once every couple of weeks was not a big deal. The strange thing is that intermittent porn use actually tricks your brain more than daily use, and the neuroscience behind this is quite complex, but i'd check out Gary Wilson's work on that. This video is a great one to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLtSoWrEplM

Im now on a 2 month streak again after an intentional binge in Feb. That doesnt mean that if I relapse once I should turn it into a binge, but if I fall into another cyclic trap, i think a binge is a gimmick to get out of it. A few binges a year is FAR less harmful than months and months of intermittent use. It's a paradoxical way of thinking but it makes sense neurologically.
 

AlexthenotsoGreat

Active Member
I remember that sometimes I used to think that the longer the binge, the easier it would be to quit the next time. I was trying to justify my binge in this way, as if I needed to have a long goodbye in order to feel closure. Of course now I realize that this only made the problem worse and that it was a consequence of not truly wanting to quit. My situation might be different from yours. I've never suffered from PIED, and I didn't normally binge. But maybe some of it is relatable. Our motivation can go up and down. Sometimes we want to quit more than anything else, and other days we tell ourselves it won't change anything and give in. It's the latter we have to be wary of.
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
It is true that you backpedal for rewiring when you stay off the wagon for a while and binge.  I've said on these boards a few times that it is less about the length of "streaks" but how short you can keep your relapses, and I stand by that.  I will watch the video when I have the time, but right now I am not sure how watching more porn and masturbating more helps you quit.

But, you say in your OP that "it seems like you forget everything you learned", but I don't think this is true.  You might willfully block it out a bit as you numb your brain, but you still have learned so much.  You're learning all the time if you choose to look at your relapses critically, figure out what is triggering you, where you're getting stuck, what is making you anxious/depressed/angry/whatever that puts in you a vulnerable place for your addiction to take hold.  The addiction brain is making that go dormant, but it is still there.

You're also learning in a very clear and present way that porn does not make you happy.  You're slogging along, but the illusion that the cage of addiction is a comfortable, luxurious home is fading and fading.  I'd call that some very good learning that you still have.
 
Top